Anyone ever been relieved

RogueEagle91RogueEagle91 Regular
edited March 2011 in Life
When someone says they CAN'T date you for one reason or another?

Tonight, I had the "what are we" chat with a gal i've been screwing around with for the past few weeks. She came right out and told me she can't be in a full fledged relationship with me because I smoke.

Good god, I've never been so relieved. I can't see a meaningful relationship with this girl actually go anywhere. Accordingly, knowing that she's just looking for sex is such a fucking relief to me.

Anyone else had similar experiences? Not necessarily with a fuck buddy or what have you, just being happy that someone refuses to date you.

Comments

  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited March 2011
    Mate I am SO glad I saw this thread.
    I was sleeping with a girl for just over half a year and when I thought "right it's now or never" and so asked her out. We were inseperable and genuinely liked each other, or so I thought.
    Anyway, she rejected me in one of the worst ways (plenty of other guys and she was already dating someone...yet we fucked a few days before)
    Anyway, on my long, mile-long uphill walk home, smoking a J it hit me. It was for the best. Fuck, if I were with that girl now I'd be so unhappy, so pissed off with life and sitting in a shitty house pishing my last while pretending to foster some crap, dead end relationship.
  • Agent 008Agent 008 Regular
    edited March 2011
    This doesn't make sense to me.

    Relationships with people are not an "on/off" switch. They are what they are. The talk "what are we" is nonsense.

    It's like a buddy of mine talking to me about "what are we". Friends of acquaintances of strangers or what? Who cares, we are what we are. Labelling things doesn't change anything.

    So now that you've found that you're not "dating", what does it change? You have sex, but you guys are not allowed to talk otherwise or hang out? I mean, what the fuck.
  • GrinchGrinch Regular
    edited March 2011
    Agent 008 wrote: »
    So now that you've found that you're not "dating", what does it change? You have sex, but you guys are not allowed to talk otherwise or hang out? I mean, what the fuck.

    I don't think that it is that black and white. It is more about coming to the consensus with the other that an arrangement in which both parties are completely invested romantically would not work.

    There are no rules stating that you can't talk or communicate by normal means. Not much has changed other than you have accepted on both sides that the relationship isn't meant to go much farther than the physical or much deeper on an emotional level than it already has.

    I will say from experience that it is good to hear that another shares the same intentions of taking the relationship for what it is, as compared to expecting further involvement to play out. If the hope of a relationship is one sided, it will only degrade from that moment forward.
  • RogueEagle91RogueEagle91 Regular
    edited March 2011
    Like Grinch said, it's more a matter of explaining intentions than fishing for a title. It can save you from the concern that you're leading someone on, or better yet, you both realize you want your interactions to evolve into something more than just carnal sex.

    Had the same issue with the last gal I was involved with. Went on dates, fucked, etc. However, when it came to discussing intentions, they weren't the same. In this case, it did change the way we interacted with each other.
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