Avoid Shaving With a Girls Razor

DfgDfg Admin
edited September 2011 in Spurious Generalities
I don't shave, I hardly bother with my beard. Since it grows fucking fast, I can't keep it trimmed. Yesterday it was EID here and I decided to get cleaned up once. I planned to go out with Raven and record something for you guys but it turns out the whole city was just a train wreck. Plus Raven was busy sucking up to an Indian employer (who paid well). I went out and then came back being more miserable than EVER. I am going to try going out again but this time I am going to hit some Cafe that I just stumbled into last night.

When I had this inspiration for shaving I had two razors. I use them to clean my bush hairs (I am referring to the type of razors) and they're mostly used by girls for shaving legs. Thinking of what I said to Raven yesterday ( I told him there isn't any difference between a standard dude razor and girly girl razor) I decided to test the story.

I picked two new razors and got the shaving gel. Unfortunately, I didn't trim my beard. It was almost an inch long but I thought just maybe it might work. It will be a hard thing to work with but I am sure if I kept at it, it would work. So, here I am standing butt naked (Oh, my awesome but hmmmmmm GAY) staring myself in the mirror with a green Schick Razor and I am thinking where do I start. I thought it would be best to outline the limits. After carefully marking the starting points (It didn't really work well because after one cut my razor was full of hard fucking beard hair). I started rubbing my temples and chin. After ten minutes of wiping here and there, the razor looked like shit.

I could sense that it wouldn't last long and it didn't. After finishing with one side, I couldn't use the razor more. I got the next one out and did the same thing. After three or four rounds of trying to remove all the hair, I gave up. Right now, I have this:

lolbeard.jpg

Next time, I am going to trim that fucker and do the razor and use a real fucking one.

EDIT: added the picture.

Comments

  • SlartibartfastSlartibartfast Global Moderator -__-
    edited September 2011
    I don't use a razor anymore, i use an electric trimmer.

    When i did use a razor it was always the yellow bic ones that come in packs.
  • DfgDfg Admin
    edited September 2011
    I don't use a razor anymore, i use an electric trimmer.

    When i did use a razor it was always the yellow bic ones that come in packs.

    I am surprised you didn't make fun of me. :(, now I feel sad. I fixed the beard edge with a trimmer but I can't be bothered with it.
  • SlartibartfastSlartibartfast Global Moderator -__-
    edited September 2011
    I thought it was a design. It looks alright.

    A bit like a Saudi beard though
  • Darth BeaverDarth Beaver Meine Ehre heißt Treue
    edited September 2011
    I use one of these when I sport my goatee.

    I know it looks like a total gadget but the thing really work well.
  • EchidnaEchidna Regular
    edited September 2011
    Dfg, what are you, 12 years old?

    Women's razors are better than men's. The reason it was clogged with long hairs was because you were trying to clean shave long hair. If you are going to cut the assinine way then you have to swipe down on the front of the razor and rinse to remove the hair.

    Since you don't know how to shave I will teach you.

    Trim hair to desired length. 4mm-8mm or a 1 and 2 standard trimmer clip are the common guide lengths. If you don't have a trimmer you can use scissors and a comb. Unless you are fading it into your non beard hair, you can do this mostly freestyle. Hair will grown downwards anyway so length isn't a big deal. NEVER cut hair when its wet.

    Then take a trimmer and do your outlines. Under the temple where you consider the stop to hair and start to beard make a clean line. Then sides of your jawbone, then your neck, then your chin. Anything else like under your cheekbones or above your lip last. Use short dashes and dabs with the trimmer with no attatchments. Use the breadth of the trimmers blade to make even cuts.

    Then, use a trimmer or scissors, cut as close to the skin as possible, the hair that will be clean shaven.

    Now you should have stubble and clean outlines of your beard. Fill a sink or wash basin with warm water. Wet your face with warm water. Dry your hands. Put shaving cream in both hands and work onto face and neck. In single slow but firm strokes, start from below your temple, shave down to jaw bone. Rinse the razor. Repeat until you get to your goatee or beard on that side. Repeat for other side of your face. Then shave from the bottom of your neck upwards to the jawline. Then shave along the jawline away from your mouth to the ear. If you are shaving your mustache, shave down from nostrils to lip, then from the side of your face towards your mouth. Under the bottom lip shave down to chin.

    Wash your face of shaving cream. Now for clean outlines. Take the razors and shave towards your beard. You may have to stretch the skin to get individual hairs. The longer the beard hair, the less concise you have to be. Contrast of the beard and your skin will take care of the details being overlooked.

    Wash face with warm water and pat dry. Feel free to pat on after shave anywhere you feel comfortable. I prefer to shave, aftershave, shower, dry, then lotion. Fuck using face lotion with sunblock in it, its useless and bad for your skin.

    There you are, a complete guide on how to shave by a barber with years experience.

    Sorry if I seem agitated its other things going on right now.
  • LSA KingLSA King Regular
    edited September 2011
    Hmmm...maybe a slight derailment, but since I've come back from the sandbox I've been using my sisters razor to shave my balls/shaft. Shit doesn't even require any shaving cream. Smooth shave which makes me wonder why the fuck women get all the fancy products and men get fucked over. Oh, razor needs to pull my fucking beard hair so it hurts to be a man? I can't have a smooth shave like a woman has on her legs? Fuck'n Gillette.
  • DfgDfg Admin
    edited September 2011
    Echidna wrote: »
    Dfg, what are you, 12 years old?

    Women's razors are better than men's. The reason it was clogged with long hairs was because you were trying to clean shave long hair. If you are going to cut the assinine way then you have to swipe down on the front of the razor and rinse to remove the hair.

    Since you don't know how to shave I will teach you.

    Trim hair to desired length. 4mm-8mm or a 1 and 2 standard trimmer clip are the common guide lengths. If you don't have a trimmer you can use scissors and a comb. Unless you are fading it into your non beard hair, you can do this mostly freestyle. Hair will grown downwards anyway so length isn't a big deal. NEVER cut hair when its wet.

    Then take a trimmer and do your outlines. Under the temple where you consider the stop to hair and start to beard make a clean line. Then sides of your jawbone, then your neck, then your chin. Anything else like under your cheekbones or above your lip last. Use short dashes and dabs with the trimmer with no attatchments. Use the breadth of the trimmers blade to make even cuts.

    Then, use a trimmer or scissors, cut as close to the skin as possible, the hair that will be clean shaven.

    Now you should have stubble and clean outlines of your beard. Fill a sink or wash basin with warm water. Wet your face with warm water. Dry your hands. Put shaving cream in both hands and work onto face and neck. In single slow but firm strokes, start from below your temple, shave down to jaw bone. Rinse the razor. Repeat until you get to your goatee or beard on that side. Repeat for other side of your face. Then shave from the bottom of your neck upwards to the jawline. Then shave along the jawline away from your mouth to the ear. If you are shaving your mustache, shave down from nostrils to lip, then from the side of your face towards your mouth. Under the bottom lip shave down to chin.

    Wash your face of shaving cream. Now for clean outlines. Take the razors and shave towards your beard. You may have to stretch the skin to get individual hairs. The longer the beard hair, the less concise you have to be. Contrast of the beard and your skin will take care of the details being overlooked.

    Wash face with warm water and pat dry. Feel free to pat on after shave anywhere you feel comfortable. I prefer to shave, aftershave, shower, dry, then lotion. Fuck using face lotion with sunblock in it, its useless and bad for your skin.

    There you are, a complete guide on how to shave by a barber with years experience.

    Sorry if I seem agitated its other things going on right now.

    Not 12, just not used to shaving :(.

    But wow, thanks for the guide. I am going to use it today to make the beard better. +1
    LSA King wrote: »
    Hmmm...maybe a slight derailment, but since I've come back from the sandbox I've been using my sisters razor to shave my balls/shaft. Shit doesn't even require any shaving cream. Smooth shave which makes me wonder why the fuck women get all the fancy products and men get fucked over. Oh, razor needs to pull my fucking beard hair so it hurts to be a man? I can't have a smooth shave like a woman has on her legs? Fuck'n Gillette.

    Well, according to my theory they should be equal if not better. I think my blades did perform well, it was just a user error in this case.
    I use an electric razor when my beard gets thick and a normal razor to smooth it up.
    Thanks, I will look for an electric razor.


    TDR shared with me an attachment that helps you in making perfect styled beard.
  • BurnBurn Regular
    edited September 2011
    Electric Razor for me. I get maaad neck beard, and generally rock 70s style sideburns.
  • RogueEagle91RogueEagle91 Regular
    edited September 2011
    TDR - After seeing how that works, I kept seeing everyone in that video with a piece of plastic that looks like a Star Wars voice box over their faces.
    That said, no goatee for me.
    There's a small gap between my mustache and the rest of my beard that doesn't grow hair.
    The only way it looks continuous is if my mustache hairs at the corners are long enough to cover the gap. :(
    Anyway, when I do fully shave (usually use a trimmer down to stubble and call it good), I've got a Schick Hydro (5 blades, motherfuckers).
    I've had it for about a year.
    Use it seldom enough and take care of it that the original head and blades are still sharp and cut smoothly.
  • LysdexicLysdexic Regular
    edited September 2011
    I have to shave for work, but on my days off let it grow, so normally I'm shaving up to ten days of growth off.
    I trim it with clippers, then shave with a five bladed razor, it works well.
    I used to just shave it right away, but it clogged up the razors and took longer.

    My last year of high school I didn't shave all year, when I finally took it off I was there for hours scraping away since I didn't have any trimmers. I did have a beard trimmer, but with the circle bloade things and they just pulled the hairs out rather than cutting them.
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