Get Anywhere For Free — Totseans

Get Anywhere For Free

0000000000 Regular
edited October 2011 in Man Cave
OK, i have wrote this guide from experience as i used to be very poor but now have the income to pay for travel.
Basically it is a guide into blagging a free ride, covering public transport and taxis. everyone has seen cheech and chong's
up in smoke so i'll leave out hitch hiking.
first i'll start with

TRAINS

Firstly, just the simple task of getting into a train station to be able to board a train is a costly exercise for some.
If you cannot go directly to a train platform without purchasing a ticket you will haveto either:

-blag your way through the barriers by standing behind someone who opens the turnstyle/flaps
and quickly going through the barriers "with" them. A bit gay dry-humping a stranger but it saves you money.
Make sure you find a littered ticket to hold to prove you've bought a ticket if anyone arrises suspiscion.

-board an inbound train. If your route is "somewhere city" to "a random place" you may be easier going to a train station near "somewhere city" that
is heading into "somewhere city" station if that made sense.

-easiest option is buying a platform ticket. Used by lovers to give/receive a warming embrace, or trainspotters spotting trains.
Not all stations sell these but not all stations have barriers restricting access to platforms to anyone without a ticket.



During The Journey
OK, here's a list of ways how to be on a train without paying.

-go into toilet and lock door

-go into toiet and stand behind door (works better than locking)

-persuade conducter you are intending to pay at destination (works best going to a city centre station).
say you have a card on you that they only accept at the station you are going to
(anything for kids or youths where you can draw money
out of an ATM, a student bank account card, or give the conducter a sob story and how your friend's waiting for you at
the station n he'll bail you out).

-sit near the front (behind the driver) as the ticket guy has to check tickets starting at where he is from which is almost always
where he keeps his newspaper. The unused "cockpit" at the opposite end to the driver. The driver also has to return to the doors of the
train at each platform to unlock them. He might not even have time to check your ticket.
Remeber this when planning your timing to either escape into a hiding place or to judge whether to be discreet in a seat.

you're in the clear if your stop's the next stop because all that can happen is :
-you get issued an unpaid fair notice form to fill in
-you get get told to leave the train at the next opportunity
-the police get calledto your vague location
-you get raped in a train toilet by a burly conducter with a warm touch and a tender glow.
-threats exchange.

if there's more than one of you. all of you go into the toilet and slide one paid ticket underneath the door.

pretending to be asleep does not get you a free train ride.

Showing out of date tickets, mumbling or body language saying,"don't disturb" work suprisingly alot (3/10 attempts
at this worked successfully) though so be warned.

offering at least some money usually allows you to do a deal with the conducter.

you can also simplyrefuse to pay which can be fun.
i'll update when sober:p

Comments

  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited September 2011
    I've found, since the British Rail Cops are cunts, is to get on the train with no ticket but have the cash ready. For every station you get closer to your stop, the cheaper it is. For example I get asked for a ticket 2 stops from my destination, just say you got on at the previous station. 99% of the time they have no proof, and you buy a heavily discounted ticket. Tends to work for one way though.
  • edited September 2011
    RemadE wrote: »
    I've found, since the British Rail Cops are cunts, is to get on the train with no ticket but have the cash ready. For every station you get closer to your stop, the cheaper it is. For example I get asked for a ticket 2 stops from my destination, just say you got on at the previous station. 99% of the time they have no proof, and you buy a heavily discounted ticket. Tends to work for one way though.

    Sounds way fucking better than standing behind a toilet door like a perverted retard for 40 minutes
  • 0000000000 Regular
    edited September 2011
    RemadE wrote: »
    I've found, since the British Rail Cops are cunts, is to get on the train with no ticket but have the cash ready. For every station you get closer to your stop, the cheaper it is. For example I get asked for a ticket 2 stops from my destination, just say you got on at the previous station. 99% of the time they have no proof, and you buy a heavily discounted ticket. Tends to work for one way though.
    This is actually what i do nowadays. But this is travelling cheaper, but not
    necesserilly for free..
    and MayorofMonkeytown, that was one of many options i've listed. And you live in Australia anyway so you could just ride a kangaroo anywhere.
  • BurnBurn Regular
    edited October 2011
    00000 wrote: »
    This is actually what i do nowadays. But this is travelling cheaper, but not
    necesserilly for free..
    and MayorofMonkeytown, that was one of many options i've listed. And you live in Australia anyway so you could just ride a kangaroo anywhere.

    Have you seen the size of the balls that roos have? I'd be more worried about it riding me.
  • TheWitchDoctorTheWitchDoctor Regular
    edited October 2011
    Instead of hiding in a bathroom for an hour or whatever you could just train surf. :thumbsup:
  • 0000000000 Regular
    edited October 2011
    Carries a higher fine than being inside the train, plus alot more risky.
    i challenge anyone to try these methods
  • edited October 2011
    You challenge me to hide in a public toilet for an hour.

    Shittest challenge of my life.
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