How to Learn Guitar (and Get Laid)

PigPig Regular
How to Get Laid (...and Play Guitar Too)


Assuming you have no prior experience with guitar, because if you did, you'd already be getting laid.

Things you need:
  • A guitar. The difference between an acoustic and an electric is how much you feel like carrying an amp around. I would recommend an acoustic, because they're easier to learn on and they have that homely tone that gets the pussies wet. If you're just learning guitar, get a nylon-string guitar so your fingers aren't bleeding when you're fingering a chick. Steel strings can hurt for beginners. Also, don't go out and buy the most expensive guitar you can.
  • A pick. Medium / light thickness preferred.
  • A lot of free time, and patience. You won't go Hendrix overnight.
  • If you're playing guitar just to impress the bitches, then don't fork out your soul to pay for a teacher. They often teach classical, which will be great if you're interested in learning about 4:4 time and eighth notes. Eighth notes won't get you pussy. The Internet will teach you, and it's free.
  • A capo.

Where to start:
  1. Mahalo has a great guide.
  2. WikiHow has an amazing guide too.
  3. If you want to find out anything else, then GOOGLE IT. There are literally hundreds of sites with lessons for the simplest things, like what's listed below.

Before you learn to play:
You should learn how to
  1. How to tune.
  2. How to clean and maintain the guitar.
  3. How to hold a pick.
  4. How to hold the guitar.
  5. What each string is (in standard tuning).
  6. The notes on each string.
  7. How to read tabs.

  • Learn chords from sites like this, because chords are essential to getting your dick wet. You don't have to worry about whether or not you can play a bluesy E minor scale solo like John Petrucci, you only have to worry about how well you can switch between a G major and C major chord. That's because getting pussy is about being able to sing and play at the same time.

Finally, you can learn songs! So what are you going to play that will drive her nuts? Any other songs by Jason Mraz or Taylor Swift will make her cum on the spot.

Final Notes:
It might take a little while to get chords down, but that's why you have to practice. If you're aren't playing at least an hour or two every day, then you're not going anywhere. And yes, your fingers will hurt. They will go raw and possibly bleed, but then they'll callous over. If you're a fucking man, and you want to get laid as much as you think, you'll ignore the pain and you'll learn that goddamn Taylor Swift song.


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