ok so this is a poem or rap that i made its called 2 much feel free 2 leeve comints or tel me wut 2 say and maybe on a post
2 much 2 much
ur out of tuch with reelality
treetin life like a fermality
eatin bergers and drinking soda
its 10am u alredy filed ur calery qwota
but u keep pushing it
take the junk away u throw a fit
seling drugs and taking money
steeling from kids u think its funy
cant go play frisby
u lye u say ur bisy
cus ur at home doing glue
then get adicted 2 chew
good mood ternin blue
2 much drugs and food 4 u
so y not share
show the world u care
time 2 make a difrinse
dont ignore theese hints
the end is growing closer evry day
go live ur life
get out of the bay
This is actually really good. You cover a lot of topics - drug abuse, obesity, isolation and depression. You also bring up avoidance and social anxiety or simply the harms of drug addiction when you say "u lye u say ur bisy". It's interesting to note the drug abuse linked with obesity, the person here eats tons of junk food and does drugs, both of which are harmful for the body. Then we see the lying to cover up these issues.
Your ending is quite nice. You offer hope and a possible solution: "time 2 make a difrinse / dont ignore theese hints / the end is growing closer evry day / go live ur life". These provide a sense of closure at least from the point of view of the speaker because you've said your piece and can only hope that the person who is overeating and doing drugs will listen and improve his/her life.
As fanglekai has previously mentioned. You cover many subjects which may not directly reflect you in general but subliminally without your knowledge leaves you exposed.
Not in a negative perspective, but a more deep emotional side of you that is trying to escape those enclosed prison walls you call life.
Your poetic renderings are truly inspirational to all fat fuckers out there brandon well done.
Keep up the good diet.:thumbsup:
If that's cool?
I'll wait for your consent first. :thumbsup:
I meant 'diction'.
Sorry for the typo.
I had trouble following his rhythm.
Edit; also diction is the type of vocabulary the author uses. It doesn't uphold to verbally spoke literature.
/ˈdɪkʃən/ Show Spelled[dik-shuhn] Show IPA
1. style of speaking or writing as dependent upon choice of words: good diction.
2. the accent, inflection, intonation, and speech-sound quality manifested by an individual speaker, usually judged in terms of prevailing standards of acceptability; enunciation.
ya here u go i no its not a doler but i dont wanna ruin a good 1 and have the cops chase me down 4 mesing up property they r alredy trying 2 always cach me and my frind under the brige wen we smoke cigerets :o:o:o:o:o