A confession (very long)
RemadE has requested that I remove the contents of this thread due to some personal issues. I can't delete the whole thread, but I am removing the content from this post for him.
I apologize for the inconvenience this may cause people.
I apologize for the inconvenience this may cause people.
Comments
Make sure you fuck as many bitches as you can before you go.
The question is "can you change yourself?"
Every minute you change yourself. You have been doing it for the past five years and continue doing it until this moment. Now, will the uncertainty of your future dictate what you choose to do today? Are you going to accept the reality of your situation and make the best of the time you have left?
The answer lies in whether you will let your external circumstances dictate your life or are you the person who will make a choice, face the consequences of that decision, and commit to the responsibilities of that decision.
You will die. As will I and everybody who reads this thread. That doesn't mean you must live in fear of what will happen in 1, 5, 10 years. You must learn to find joy and satisfaction within this moment. The hazy bubble you have been living in due to your self indulgence has stripped you of your ability to know who you truly are. In some point in life, one finally discovers them-self and it will either be the most joyous of days, or the most tragic. Don't deprive yourself the chance to know and find who you are because what has occurred and instead use your experience and mistakes to create a better person than you have ever been.
there aren't any words to write that will help you change
it is up to you
choose yourself
Cheers
C/O
Also here is the tattoo. Fresh!
I fucking did it! The good vibes carried on long enough and I injected myself twice as you need a bigger dose to get the ball rolling. Managed it like a boss and so that ends 5 years of depression, drug problems, finding any excuses to avoid girlfriends, constant headfuckery and excruciating physical pain.
Told you. Now time to let the old RemadE return. It's been a long and rocky 5 years.
Ok here's how it works.
I have exhausted every kind of medication, and bearing in mind that I never had any injections (that I can remember) since the age of about 3. I fucking detest them and the thought of putting liquid under my skin freaks me the fuck out. I was in hospital with my Crohn's so bad and refused a drip. I would rather die that be given any kind of injection. My parents were both there, and telling them you would rather die at the age of 17 then live thanks to an IV is heavy shit. I had to suddenly grow up and missed a lot of the fun that comes with being a Teenager because I was either at home curled up in pain or at the hospital..curled up in pain. I just wanted a way to end it all.
However. I have tried anti inflammatories, steroids and imuunosuppressant tablets over the 5 years. In total, there were about 20 different types and it was a race against time to find a good one that worked with little or no side effects and that will stop the painful scarring of my guts, which would eventually close them up (due to the scarring) and means I can no longer eat/digest food as it would get blocked.
My options were surgery and a colostomy bag, live until the age of 30 in an Opiate haze or go for this "magic bullet" medication that has saved millions of people and would mean pretty much the end of Crohn's for me as long as I inject myself once a fortnight with the meds.
To put it shortly, my family has been to breaking point making funeral plans for me, considering pulling me put of Uni to enjoy the last 10 years of my life etc. I was basically a dead man walking as I refused the help as I was so happy in my own little world, being selfish and thinking of only me. I wanted the Rock n Roll lifestyle of die young, live fast and enjoy it. Well, I can do all that now but I just need to keep this medication on tap, once a fortnight, having to inject it. It has taken 5 years to get to this stage and my family and not least 15yo Sister with Crohn's can breathe a sigh of relief, as my life looks set to improve, and I can live maybe just that bit longer. The depression, despair of different pills and treatments, funeral plans and insane chronic pain which meant I couldn't walk have all gone thanks to this. The meds are expensive as fuck, but if it means I can live a decent life then so be it. I've not felt like this in 5 years, since I got Crohn's on holiday with my best mate. Everyone has wanted me to do this for years, and now I have, I can put it to rest.
I might even sprinkle some morphine in the syringe...here they are
So yeah, imagine being in so much pain for 5 years, your entire life has to change to accommodate. I was going to be registered Disabled, but I have too much pride for that. The pain meant I couldn't walk, was being sick up to 5 times a day, not being able to eat solid food....all for 5 years. I've not had a Christmas Dinner in 5 years! I've not even had cereal in 5 years! It's like the world has been lifted off my shoulders. I just got on with life, and now accepted the treatment...so when the meds kick in and I'm further down the road to recovery, I can eat food..warm food..none of these cold, bland nutrition shakes I've come to know for 5 years.
So there we go. If you are depressed, anxious or whatever...there is a way out. It's just up to you to take that leap. Buy the ticket, take the ride.
http://www.norml.org/index.cfm?Group_ID=7009