Ever considered having something to live for or just closing your eyes and thinking of someone you care. Not many people get that feeling and people like me need to work hard for it. I am sitting here writing this post while the love birds are singing their merry tunes for each other. Holding hands and just having fun with each other. It’s a beautiful night today, with light rain and a refreshing breeze. The air around me feels lovely. As I look past the different faces of random stranger my heart longs for something special. For something that’s truly mine.
I am not a bad guy. I do have my vices but compared to others they are nothing. I don’t do drugs, I even don’t smoke. I am friendly and easily the most approachable person. On top of that, I am good looking as well. But even with these gifts, I still can’t find her. I have been at this for years, starting from school and then to collage. Life seemed different for me. It seemed like I was viewing things from a different perspective. Everything just seemed dull and hopeless. Every girl I tried approaching seemed to carry a luggage which I couldn’t support. Sometimes it was her family but mostly it was just me being me.
I know it’s hard not be judgmental when reading this, but you need to consider my background. Dating isn’t something that was common while I was young. Life was full of Religion and stupid acts. Since my family was always moving from one place to another I didn’t get a chance to connect with someone. Sure I had my fair share of crushes but in reality I didn’t know how to approach them. Sure, while others were holding back, I was making my moves and showing everyone in my school that I was their daddy. I mean, come on you just can’t go into girls section and show your authority. This just doesn’t happen in Pakistan.
While that can happen now, since the younger generation is more in tune with western traditions and don’t mind fucking around and getting fucked. But unlike them I am mixed breed of different ideals. I started as a strict Muslim and ended up being something completely different. Maybe that jump changed everything for me. I no longer feel the hunger to go out be an idiot just to get some attention. I just go talk to group of girls when I am in the mood. I have done it many times, mostly just to prove that I have the balls to do it. But I don’t feel that spark. That little spark of something everyone needs before they can fall in love or take interest in someone.
I could call myself lazy because it takes lots of time to get what I want. Like it might take many dates to get something out of the relationship and if that’s not bad enough you’re always vulnerable to her family and someone finding about your love drama. The worst part is its FUCKING illegal to fuck someone. According to Zina Ordinance I can get arrested for boning some girl. I don’t want to go to jail for pussy, sure it feels righteous to get pwned for pussy but come on I am not that desperate.
There have been some girls in my life but I always backed out for some reason. Maybe I was being a good Muslim or maybe I was just afraid or maybe I was clueless. But I feel by backing out and not jumping in, I learned some valuable lessons. I feel more mature about relationships and love. I do feel lonely sometimes but I can’t blame myself, because the person I am looking for is hidden from my view or is unapproachable. I honestly don’t give a shit about what everyone thinks, I told myself if I saw some girl that I felt connected I will approach her. I will talk to her and get her number, even if she is with her brother or family. I can risk it because I know I have the balls to pull it off. Plus, I am pretty hard to confront.
So, there I go bragging about myself but most of it is true. I blame Totse for doing this to me. I remember back in 2004-2005 I was just a teenager trying to survive whatever was happening around me. I didn’t like talking about Allah and I was very much a typical Muslim but after years of spending time with those random strangers I learned few things. I learned life doesn’t revolve around pussy nor does it matters much. I did find love doesn’t last long and I found that in reality true love is just a marketing gimmick. Flowers and chocolates don’t matter, MONEY matters. At least it matters in Pakistan. I can get some decent hookups but with some money and a decent car I can play in the major leagues.
But that’s not enough for me. I think the problem lies with how I feel about Pakistan girls. I just don’t find them attractive. I tried going for some girls but in reality they seem immature and unreal to me. Their thoughts and their beliefs just don’t match with mine. I feel corrupted by different ideals. I bang my head every time I see a girl just talking about some stupid tradition or myth without thinking logically. And even If I tell her something she will go berserk about it. In reality I am not compatible with them anymore or I don’t THINK I have found someone that I could relate to.
I know majority of reddit/totse would think I am just fat old loser with no creative skills and nothing to look forward too. But that’s false, I have life it’s not that exciting at the moment but I am sure if I work hard and do my best, I will be some place in near future. Pakistan is a jail for me. I can’t express anything and I have to guard my mind 24/7. In reality I have to act like a hypocrite. I am just trying to survive, you can’t walk up to some Mullah and tell him he is full of shit and he is misleading everyone nor can you talk to some girl and left your thoughts loose on her. She will freak out or she will work on changing your beliefs. I have seen it happen to many friends. Yes, I do have friends, although since changing myself I don’t really socialize with them but again I can’t blame myself. To me it feels like they’re always revolving around the same old basic stories and never thinking out of the box. “Hey, scientists found this on this planet and they think it’s because of this and that.” Their response would always be directed at GOD. I am not an atheist, but come on give me a fucking break.
Same applies to everyone, you walk to some guy and talk about things and most of the time you will be talking about life but with a BIG reference to GOD and if you try to move the conversation to more open minded areas you will end up in fighting and end up getting killed in the name of ALLAH.
But we’re here to talk about this fine day. It really is a fine day. It’s just me and my mind and a small community that will entertain me tonight. Since I can’t find someone to be with or be my valentine I guess I can make an exception and just don’t give a fuck about it. But it gets FUCKING frustrating, you know you’re compatible with almost anyone, you can adapt to different environments, you pretty much can discuss anything and there are girls, I mean thousands of girls in your area dying for someone to go to them and just say hi but here I am not feeling the motivation to do that.
I blame the Internet. It just complicates things for me. I have seen so much perfection that it’s hard for me to find someone remotely close to them. I blame Victoria Secret for making my life a bit dull because when you see those angels you feel kind of left out and frustrated. Since you know deep inside that you can get them but you CAN’T SINCE YOU LIVE IN A FUCKING SHITHOLE. Boy I am acting like a hopeless romantic. I made a commitment to myself that I will raise myself and do something that will give me direct fucking access to models, since I love photography and watching models prepare and taking those snaps is a big turn on for me. I think that might have corrupted me. It seems I am always looking for that unique trophy or I am just judging girls by some different scale
At this point, I just don’t know. My heart tries to find some connection in different people but my mind just says logical FACTS that are hard to ignore. I can’t do a one night stand without seeing that girl on my doorstep in future asking for help. I can’t go out with some hot girl without winding up in some family drama which may or may not ruin my life. Why can’t I just go out in some bar and get laid the western way but hey wait, WE DON’T HAVE BARS! It’s a messy situation. Young generation of Pakistan sucks, they’re wannabe dicks who copy every fucking western tradition and try to make their own. I don’t mind it but fuck me; they always take the useless and negative things, like fast fucking food. It’s bad enough I can’t find someone to wind up with but now the MAJORITY IS FAT.
I try to keep myself slim and even if I don’t I am pretty much stable but these girls they GO FAT IN AN INSTANT! Maybe I am too demanding, maybe I want someone who likes to live a fucking life. Like she wants to go out and spend time with me and discuss different topics. Ride a bike, jog with me, and push me to do something amazing. Always have my back, keep me motivated. I can’t find these simple qualities in girls. They’re too brain washed or in some cases they’re too loose. I can be compatible, I can watch soap dramas and even enjoy classical music or Opera or whatever but I can’t just stand someone who doesn’t try to be original or tries to improve herself.
I see guys copying latest trends and keeping things clean, while I walk in with my Coco beard and simple jacket and make myself comfortable in whatever I have. It seems girls like something superficial. Something that’s fake, maybe I am looking for the same thing or maybe what I am looking for isn’t available in my area. I have talked to different girls over the Internet and I did hit off with them. If I was living close to them I am sure I had 90% chance of being their boyfriend. Unlike others or maybe like some men, I am good at communicating things and I am always fascinated with how girls react and think. This ability could have come from my upbringing but let’s not go there. I am just good at understanding women emotions; I sort of feel what they’re going with and how they perceive things. Like I can go on shopping and pretty much know what works for them and what doesn’t. Maybe this is because I wanted to be a fashion photographer and I decided to join up fashion communities and learn the basics but I do feel I am quite in tune with my different personalities.
Wow, this really turned into something else. I am sorry for this post or whatever, it’s just Valentine and life doesn’t feel that much great but I know one day, maybe it could happen tomorrow or maybe it might happen sometime later in my life. I will find her, even if I have to go China or even Australia, I will find her. I know she exists for me. I know, like me she is waiting for that someone, that one person she really feel secure with. So, although I don’t have a valentine date right now but I am sure my true valentine does exist in some corner of the world. And although I might sound like a hopeless romantic I do believe in myself and her whoever she might be. It’s not like I can’t do things, I just don’t feel the spiritual or emotional connection that I am looking for.
Thanks for reading and to all those love birds FUCK YOU! Nah, not really, have fun with your loved one and make sure to cherish ever bit of time you spent with her/him. Thanks to totse.info for being with me and supporting me. These guys are like a family that never quits on me
EDIT: I should mention that it's FUCKING easy for me to get married. I just have to say yes or I just need to attend few weddings and I will have some marriage proposal lined up. But I don't want that.
Nailed it [somewhat] Yes, I do agree I am holding back but I can't find a reason to take the leap of love.
Guys fucking upvote the reddit post. It was meant for reddit!
I know that wealthy Saudi men have a really hard time adjusting to their native women after they've been abroad and have indulged themselves a little. It must be hard to go back to a type of women that has been taught to repress her femininity her entire life.
It's probably especially difficult for Dfg as he isn't particularly wealthy. The internet must be like a mirage to him..
Dfg, Why don't you go to India or the UAE?
It's not an easy task to accomplish especially when you're living in a third world FUCKING country.
In my own tiny way, I feel your pain. What I'd really like out of any gal is to simply have their shit somewhat in line. I don't feel that's asking alot. Really.
Instead, I get chicks of varying age, who usually have the following problems:
high levels of insecurity
lack of direction in life
god fucking awful communication skills
That shit just doesn't work. I can't continue any forward momentum when the women I try to date want to run around me like a child.
We both need to find a new stock of the womenfolk. Be it where we live, or elsewhere.
Best of luck to you, dfg. You have a comrade in VDay loneliness.
SAINT Valentine was a CHRISTIAN martyr, he didn't blow himself up in a crowded market, he was beaten to death for professing gospel and marrying Christians.
How to fight the sheer shitiness of it if you are single..
1 bottle of booze (if your a man whiskey)
1 drinking vessel I am using a hip flask
Whenever you hear someone mention valentines day take a swig if you read something drink. You get the picture if by the evening your not drunk I suggest you take a few more swigs continue til your bottle is empty or your comatose
Hell yeah brah, especially in this city where I live there's a lot of outsourcing shit that is requiring english speakers who are adept with computers amongst other shit. It has beautiful girls, great food and nice climate.
OK, I finally had the time to read this whole thing and it just comes back to what I already said before Dfg. You must leave Pakistan. Your mind has grown beyond the backwards ways of your homeland and you will never be happy until you live in a place where you are free to be yourself. Many others, throughout the ages have bravely left there place of origin when it no longer provides for their needs. So hunker down, start planning, then execute the plan, and GTFO of Dodge.