Occupational Secrets

PigPig Regular
edited July 2010 in Spurious Generalities
Since we can assume that some/most of &T, what's your job?
Are there any tips/tricks that you've learned from your job?

For example, I'm a cashier for a grocery store (two years experience), and I can tell you that if you're using the self-checkout, you should ring up every piece of produce as bananas (PLU: 4011). They're one of the cheapest items per pound, so you're not paying up the ass for cherries or strawberries.

Comments

  • DysgraphiaDysgraphia Locked
    edited July 2010
    Part time aircraft mechanic.

    When taxing a plane, [if you get to do it] you can find a shit ton of food in the galley. Ranging from boxes of chocolate, to ice cream cakes, they all get disposed of when the plane reaches the hanger. As for jewelery, the occasional bracelet is pretty common. You can take the stuff home, no one even bothers to stop you.
  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited July 2010
    When working in kitchens, you tend to wash your hands at the start and end of your shift. Germs die when kept at 75 celcius or higher for 2 minutes.

    Computer repait guys will always perv on your photo collection. They have a contract to find out the problem, and more than likely they will use that "right" to it's full potential...well at least I did, anyway.
  • Brock SamsonBrock Samson Regular
    edited July 2010
    My current occupation is classified.

    People shit themselves when they die.
  • Fetus-SmasherFetus-Smasher Regular
    edited July 2010
    I work with angry, angry people all god damn day.
  • AnonymousAnonymous Regular
    edited July 2010
    Stalin.

    Ukrainians keep burning their own crops and slaughtering their animals.
  • metameta Regular
    edited July 2010
    Student.

    If you study in chunks of 30-45 min. with a 10-15 min. break in between, you retain the information much better than studying in large blocks of time equal to an hour or more.

    Resident Assistant (RA).


    Every College kid drinks at least once. Just bust the fuckers you don't like/don't know because eventually you will catch them all drinking.

    Newspaper writer.

    When describing a location don't just use adjectives that appeal to the sense of sight, appeal to the senses of smell and sound. This is an easy yet overlooked way to connect with readers.
  • edited July 2010
    Student: Vyvanse, adderall, concerta, are amazing when it comes to reading.
  • PigPig Regular
    edited July 2010
    Cashier: If you're trying to buy alcohol underage, you can get away with it. You just have to look the part, and act confident. Don't sketch out over everything. Act like you buy alcohol every fucking day from that store.
  • VizierVizier Regular
    edited July 2010
    Lemme see...

    Always let people vent first, then you can manipulate them or lie to them at your discression.

    Yes, when fixing computers and shit we ALWAYS look at other people's pics, especially if it's a girl's PC. So, hide that shit well if you don't want to get anything compromised.

    "The client is always right" philosophy is bullshit. If you learn to tell people it's their problem or they are fucking up, do it in a polite and subtle way, but only if it's really their mistake.
  • MorningsideMorningside Regular
    edited July 2010
    My current occupation is classified.

    People shit themselves when they die.

    What if they just took a poop before death? Do they crap their intestines out?
  • Fuck the FBIFuck the FBI Regular
    edited July 2010
    Protip: most instructors dislike large explosives/other disruptive noises

    Learned form experience.
  • thewandererthewanderer Regular
    edited July 2010
    Anonymous wrote: »
    Stalin.

    Ukrainians keep burning their own crops and slaughtering their animals.

    And making themselves disappear.
  • Fuck the FBIFuck the FBI Regular
    edited July 2010
    Anonymous wrote: »
    Stalin.

    Ukrainians keep burning their own crops and slaughtering their animals.
    And making themselves disappear.

    I lol'd ;)
  • CrazzyassCrazzyass Regular
    edited July 2010
    Zaxby's cook: we even butter the underside of our buns for our grilled sandwiches. You're eating a heart attack without knowing it.
  • MarijuanasaurusMarijuanasaurus Regular
    edited July 2010
    Ive worked mostly in retail, stalking shelves, unloading trucks and junk.

    Those big dumpsters behind any major store. Those things are a fucking gold mine. You can find a bunch of useless junk in there that can keep you entertained.

    Also, any new store just being built will have lots of excess scrap metal. Come by the back of the store with a pickup truck and load up.

    And remember. Always get to know the LP (loss prevention). They are your best friends or your worst enemies.
  • angryonionangryonion Just some guy
    edited July 2010
    I work at a car dealer.Always go by the service recommendations in your owners manual.
    Don't listen to the service writer when he tells you that you need spark plugs at 30,000 miles.Most of those guys work on commission only,they are out to fuck you anyway they can.
  • Habaner0Habaner0 Regular
    edited July 2010
    Student. I don't have any advice to give here, I'm a shitty student

    but right now I am working in a machine shop. the best advice I can give is watch your fingers:o
  • PsyntheticPsynthetic Regular
    edited July 2010
    Quiznos: If you're buying one of the deli subs, don't get the regular size because the large costs less money :facepalm: (It was a glitch in the system after they introduced the $5 subs to compete with Subway. They might have changed it.)

    If there are kids working, you can pretty much alter your sandwich however the fuck you want, they probably won't care. IE: Order a turkey and cheddar, but ask if they can use ranch instead of mayo, and Swiss cheese instead of cheddar. You've just made yourself a turkey ranch and Swiss, which costs more money on the menu.


    Bouncer: This should come without saying, but if you're using a fake ID have all the information memorized and ready to spit out at any time. And not just in sequential order, that's one of the things we do is randomize it to throw people off. Zip code was my favorite. It's at the end of the sequence, so people have to run through the whole address in their head to get to it. If you have to stop and think about what your zip code is then it's clearly not your zip code.

    Obviously, don't be nervous. Girls are the worst at this. Playing with their hair, playing with jewelry, etc. Good bouncers are observant and can read people like a book. Don't come up pretending to be on your cell phone, don't turn around and chat with your friends while he's looking at it. Just walk up, hand over the ID, if he glances at you look him in the eyes and smile.

    Also it would help to ask around and find out which bars are the most lax on carding, and which bars confiscate IDs and which just turn you away. Especially if you have an expensive ass ID. I had kids offer me 60 bucks for it back because it was going to cost them in the hundreds to get a new one. I was a dick though, my boss got a hard on every time we took an ID and made a big deal out of it. Plus we got a $20 bounty for each ID we brought in. My record was 5 in one night... $100 bonus chea son. :cool:
  • HTS-NoobHTS-Noob Regular
    edited July 2010
    I work at McDonalds. I jizz in your burger.
  • MarijuanasaurusMarijuanasaurus Regular
    edited July 2010
    HTS-Noob wrote: »
    I work at McDonalds. I jizz in your burger.

    I hear piegirl works at mcdonalds, but she can jizz in my burger any day.:o
  • rejectreject Regular
    edited July 2010
    HTS-Noob wrote: »
    I work at McDonalds. I jizz in your burger.

    You wish you work in McDonalds.
  • Fuck the FBIFuck the FBI Regular
    edited July 2010
    HTS-Noob wrote: »
    I work at McDonalds. I stick your fries up my ass.


    This too
  • thatsMYdogthatsMYdog Regular
    edited July 2010
    Photography: If you work in a studio with overhead preview monitors for the love of god do NOT look at them. Never ever let people see it or stand near you. If people notice it they'll start jumping up after every shot to see the picture. Or if it's a baby in the shot, they will pay more attention to the monitor than their child (who is about to fall face-first off of the platform, ruining your rubber ducky display and the rest of your day). Learn to use your perif and/or just glance around quickly.
  • PigPig Regular
    edited July 2010
    Jack wrote: »
    So hey OP will the cashier working SCO not notice when I ring up cherries as bananas?

    Most likely not, unless you have trouble trying to ring it up. Even if they called you out, play dumb and say you pressed the wrong button.
  • edited July 2010
    Chef

    Organic food isn't that good.
  • Gorilla GutsGorilla Guts Acolyte
    edited July 2010
    Chef

    Organic food isn't that good.

    me too. its all about someone else making the food for you. i can make something like gourmet mac and cheese for my guests or friends. its better than anything out of the box. but if someone makes me mac and cheese from the box, it will taste better than something i make from scratch. i hope that made sense.
  • Rumple ForeskinRumple Foreskin Regular
    edited July 2010
    I hear piegirl works at mcdonalds, but she can jizz in my burger any day.:o

    with her butt. amiright?

    im a student and mentor at my university. im the worst person to be a mentor. i have a drinking problem, i smoke lots of weed, and my gpa isnt all that stellar. idk how i got the job. networking does alot i guess
  • Dog BoyDog Boy Acolyte
    edited July 2010
    I work at pizza hut.

    Dont get the garlic aoli sauce, or anything with seafood.

    Just dont.
  • PsyntheticPsynthetic Regular
    edited July 2010
    me too. its all about someone else making the food for you. i can make something like gourmet mac and cheese for my guests or friends. its better than anything out of the box. but if someone makes me mac and cheese from the box, it will taste better than something i make from scratch. i hope that made sense.

    I get ya. If I make a sandwich, It tastes nowhere near as good as if I had someone else make the sandwich for me using the same ingredients.
  • MorningsideMorningside Regular
    edited July 2010
    I used to work at Burger King, and sometimes I when I told people to "have a nice day," I didn't really mean it.
  • woodwood Regular
    edited July 2010
    When their parents leave the room you can touch the kids as long as they think it's part of activities hour.
  • NumberjumboNumberjumbo Regular
    edited July 2010
    Supermarket groceryfag.

    errr, dunno. i'm stupid
  • PigPig Regular
    edited July 2010
    Dog Boy wrote: »
    I work at pizza hut.

    Dont get the garlic aoli sauce, or anything with seafood.

    Just dont.

    Why is that?

    Actually, I know a Buffalo Wild Wings employee that says to never get the Garlic Parmesan wings.
  • Hammer TankHammer Tank Regular
    edited July 2010
    bank teller

    opt out! it will be harder to get overdraft fees this way.

    online savings accounts get the best interest

    don't ask for $100 bills if you're getting $20. we hear this over 9000 times and it's not funny anymore
  • JackJack Regular
    edited July 2010
    That's nice

    Now tell us how to rob a bank
  • My Mom Is DeadMy Mom Is Dead Regular
    edited July 2010
    I work as a cook, have been doing it for like four years. After year three, I realized I have absolutely no respect for the faceless orders that come in. I would highly recommend cooking your own food.
    I've never intentionally done anything gross to food, but accidents happen, and I have no compulsion to fix something I doubt the greedy customers to notice.

    I have bled in food at every job I've worked for. Not on purpose, I'm just accident prone (this is probably because I show up to work drunk).
    Worst time I did it, I sprayed blood all over some dough and rolling equipment after nearly taking off my finger. I wrapped some surgical tape over it, and went back to my station.
    When I saw the horrible mess I made, I was like "Fuck if I'm going to throw away two hours worth of work..."
    Cleaned the walls, and rolled the blood in. :cool:
    with her butt. amiright?

    piegirl.jpg
  • SlartibartfastSlartibartfast Global Moderator -__-
    edited July 2010
    Before i transferred majors, i was a civil engineering student.

    I actually completed one of my two internships as a civil engineer and trust me anyone can do that job. All you need is a hard hat, a pen to tick pre-made generic forms and the phrase "she'll be right".

    It turns out foreman and labourers do all the real engineering. A CE is really just a secretary.
  • edited July 2010
    I used to work in a restaurant. We never had enough of anything, so I'd give one person a spoon/fork/etc and as soon as they were done with it, I'd briefly wipe it and give it to someone else.

    I also poured coffee into mangy-ass cups with bleach and soap still in the bottom from the kitchens.
  • My Mom Is DeadMy Mom Is Dead Regular
    edited July 2010
    trx100 wrote: »
    I also poured coffee into mangy-ass cups with bleach and soap still in the bottom from the kitchens.

    The only consequence I can see from drinking that would be diarrhea--in which case, they probably wouldn't blame the coffee. :cool:
  • edited July 2010
    The only consequence I can see from drinking that would be diarrhea--in which case, they probably wouldn't blame the coffee. :cool:

    Funnily enough, the person who I served it to didn't show up for the rest of the weekend...
  • VickyVicky Regular
    edited July 2010
    I work selling Salmon internationally. Also do accounts and finance.

    I'm now very good at convincing sales people to give me what I want - ie I'm good at getting free food in takeaway places, cheap deals on my sky tv, knock down rates from joiners etc

    A good thing to do with sales people is to always threaten to leave and quote cheaper (fictional sometimes) prices from their competitors. They DO NOT want to be the person to lose an account. Also, never EVER EVER EVER buy and ready meal with fish in it. You wouldn't believe what is in there, you really wouldn't. Some of the pictures of rejected stuff I have been sent, I would fear feeding it to my dog.

    Oh yeah, and Organic - no difference what so ever, in fact it's often crappier because they can't use certain products to make it better quality.


    If you have your own business: Put ever bill you possibly can through the business, keep receipt, that way you get alllll the tax back.
  • Dr. AwkwardDr. Awkward Regular
    edited July 2010
    I'm a lifeguard. We secretly hope someone starts flailing around because most shifts are boring as shit and it's hot in the pool. We just want to swim.
  • MayberryMayberry Regular
    edited July 2010
    Pharmacy assistant. People drop pills like no tomorrow and just put them back in the bottle without cleaning them. Also, the ground is filthy.
  • edited July 2010
    Catering: When your throwing a Jew party, for your little Jewish grandson, don't fuck with the busboy. They deliver your food.
  • PigPig Regular
    edited July 2010
    Cashier. The deli/bakery has to throw away most of their shit at night, at which point you can usually get it for free (or at least a super-reduced price).
  • L33tzL33tz Regular
    edited July 2010
    Dont order Ice tea at Applebees theres always flies in it. All the appetizers are frozen and microwaved if you couldnt tell. Some of the meals too.

    Yea and if your weed smells like oranges its not cause its orange kush. its cause i put an orange peel in the bag to increase the weight.
  • Big baby jesusBig baby jesus Regular
    edited July 2010
    I almost put my fist through a self-checkout one time.


    I am a stoner and I suggest if you wanna get into this field that you start early or you're gonna look like a twat next to more experienced tokers.
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