Worst Excuses — Totseans

Worst Excuses

v0xv0x Regular
edited May 2011 in Man Cave
This was a fun thread on &T and hopefully here too. Post the worst excuses you've ever made or heard when you got caught. Good excuses are also appreciated. I'll start off with mine.

I've had lots of excuses, but one stands out as the absolutely worst.

Me and my friend were toking in one of the alleys near our school, about an hour after school let out that day. We're packing probably our sixth bowl, when who rounds the corner but our fucking literature teacher. We're like OMFG, I'm standing there packing the bowl, and my friend is playing with the lighter. I immediately drop the weed out of the lighter and throw it around with my shoe. A couple seconds later the teacher rolls up.
Teacher: "Hey guys, what're you doing?"
Me: "We're.. uh... doing an experiment for chemistry."
Teacher: "Oh so what's that thing?" (I was holding the stem of the bowl in my hand, so from it didn't quite look like a bowl).
I hold it up the bowl "It's for measuring the air pressure and like-"
Teacher "So whats the lighter for?"
Friend: "We're studying how heat affects the air pressure"
Teacher: "So what was that stuff that fell out of your "air pressure reader""
I responded instantly, "Burnt air"

Our teacher must've been so astounded by this explanation that he was just like "Ok, have fun" and drove away. My friend (who was, obviously, not as high as I was) almost killed me. Later in the year we found out that this particular teacher was pretty cool (especially on school sponsored trips to other countries ), so we never got caught. Burnt air still makes me LOL :D

Comments

  • mashlehashmashlehash Regular
    edited July 2010
    "WHY did I find a pot plant in your room?!"

    "Dad, it's a hemp plant used for clothing"

    Turns out my dad is not as stupid as I thought.

    God that was the worst excuse ever, I was high when he confronted me too.
  • MarijuanasaurusMarijuanasaurus Regular
    edited July 2010
    Little sister: Why does it smell like a skunk in here?
    Me: i just farted. Now go away and close my door.
  • mashlehashmashlehash Regular
    edited July 2010
    Little sister: Why does it smell like a skunk in here?
    Me: i just farted. Now go away and close my door.

    Hah. Is she That naive to believe that?
  • MarijuanasaurusMarijuanasaurus Regular
    edited July 2010
    mashlehash wrote: »
    Hah. Is she That naive to believe that?

    No she wasnt. I had a long talk with my mom that day, which ended with me complaining about living down wind from a skunk burrow, and how Ill blow my fan out the window instead of in.
  • FrYFrY Regular
    edited July 2010
    Telling the cops that I wrecked my car beacuse I was diabetic and had a low blood sugar, they even brought up the ambulance to check it.

    I wound up getting a DUI charge for being on many to many xanax.
  • DaSkipperDaSkipper Regular
    edited July 2010
    My friend and I were smoking in my house. He take the shit out of the dutch and I put it in a garbage bag. We smoke and whatever then he leaves and I'm going to leave in about 20 minutes after him. I'm blasted and I triple check the room where we were smoking and I don't see anything. I come home like 5 hours later and I see the bag on my door handle. My mom asks why were you gutting a dutch? I reply saying I wanted to know if it had a leaf on it.

    Worst excuse ever. Hands down worst excuse ever. Not really funny but seriously the worst excuse ever.
  • MorningsideMorningside Regular
    edited July 2010
    I never really did shit like this. My mom found my bowl when I was in high school and the exchange went something like:

    mom: What is this?
    me: What does it look like?
    mom: A pot pipe!
    me: Yeah, it sure is.
    mom::mad:
  • DirtySanchezDirtySanchez Regular
    edited July 2010
    A few years ago I used to be into dippers well one day I smoked one of some potent shit my family called the cops and I was found hiding from them in a shower. When they demanded to know why I was in there I said thats where I like to sleep. Arrest then a mental hospital ensued.
  • HippieTrippieHippieTrippie Regular
    edited July 2010
    Little sister: Why does it smell like a skunk in here?
    Me: i just farted. Now go away and close my door.

    I've used the same thing with my mom, but it worked rather well.

    While at a boarding high school, I was in this kids room who at the time was a senior and I was a sophomore. Its about midnight and all sophomore are suppose to be in their rooms at 11. I am standing next to the kids desk, holding my bubbler, and there is a knock on the door. The kid goes into the bathroom, says come in. The door opens and its one of the residential counselors who live in the dorms with the kids. I just sit down crazy fast and put the bubbler under the crotch seem of my jeans. He asked why I was there. I said "I'm getting help with math." There was no notebook, pen or math related object anywhere. But he left either way.
  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited July 2010
    My parents are pretty cool with me smokin and growing. Had a blunt (yes..blunt) in the bath last night and my Dad came in...

    Dad: The fuck is that smell..you been smoking?
    Me: Yeah...
    Dad: Fuck me. It smells like one of your Grandpa's farts in here...
    Me: Lawl.
    Dad: So I don't look like a pixie with big ears or a purple elephant to you?
    Me: Nah...

    As for excuses, well I hit a fucking huge pipe made out of toilet roll tubes taped together and a bowl put in the top end and my hand covering the end (like a steamroller) and blew it into the extractor fan. Mind you this was in my Uni room where the smoke alarms picked up on deodrant...I packed 3 good bowls, was fucking caned and heard a knock at my door.
    I was expecting a parcel, and it needed collecting as it was my books.
    I hurriedly wafted the air and smoke into the fan, sprayed some deodrant in the bathroom, opened the door just enough to squeeze out and then put a towel down the base of the door.

    Open the door to my room, pick up the parcel, the housemates and cleaner are like "the fuck is that smell?" I mutter something about incense, stare at the place to sign for my delivery with red eyes and as the delivery man leaves, he winks at me and taps his nose.
    For most of that day I was sketching out thinking someone must have reported me as my room fucking STUNK.
    Evidently not. Apparently my housemates knew I was toking but I was the one who was panicky lol.

    On shrooms, well that was a fun story. Went to the kitchen one night and was staring at the floor, making patterns out of the scuff marks. Turns out my housemate had a one-sided conversation with herself, believing I was actually paying attention. I was on another fucking planet.
    I just made up that I was looking at some "ants"..next day maintenance were called in, and there were none. Funny that.
  • HippieTrippieHippieTrippie Regular
    edited July 2010
    RemadE wrote: »
    As for excuses, well I hit a fucking huge pipe made out of toilet roll tubes taped together and a bowl put in the top end and my hand covering the end (like a steamroller) and blew it into the extractor fan. Mind you this was in my Uni room where the smoke alarms picked up on deodrant...

    Aw man, thos fucking Ion Detectors that pick up anything that goes through the sensor that isn't regular air? Those things are terrible, they're in our dorms too.
    However, they are not in the bathrooms...:D
  • MarijuanasaurusMarijuanasaurus Regular
    edited July 2010
    I've used the same thing with my mom, but it worked rather well.

    While at a boarding high school, I was in this kids room who at the time was a senior and I was a sophomore. Its about midnight and all sophomore are suppose to be in their rooms at 11. I am standing next to the kids desk, holding my bubbler, and there is a knock on the door. The kid goes into the bathroom, says come in. The door opens and its one of the residential counselors who live in the dorms with the kids. I just sit down crazy fast and put the bubbler under the crotch seem of my jeans. He asked why I was there. I said "I'm getting help with math." There was no notebook, pen or math related object anywhere. But he left either way.

    Did you burn your balls son?
  • HippieTrippieHippieTrippie Regular
    edited July 2010
    Did you burn your balls son?

    We weren't smoking it yet. We were about to. I was just holding it because I was about to pack it.
  • BodilYFluidSBodilYFluidS Regular
    edited July 2010
    mom: why did i find two bags of weed and some pills in your top drawer?
    me: why did i find a dildo and cuffs in your bedside table?

    end of convo lmao

    i later went to her and told her that i smoke weed, but i'm just holding the pills for a friend who is trying to stop which was true. she said that's fine as long as i'm safe and don't touch the pills. i never had to hide anything from her after that.
  • mr.bluntmr.blunt Regular
    edited July 2010
    parents: what's with this half smoked joint we just found in your coat?
    me: oh yeah, daryle was smoking that today and i got pissed at him for doing it so smacked that out of his mouth
    parents: :facepalm::rolleyes:
    me::cool:
  • SHANE14SHANE14 Regular
    edited July 2010
    I've got nothing really to contribute. I'm usually pretty wiley with my drug use, especially with having drug nazi parents. My excuses always involve down-playing what I'm doing. Such as; I'll be obviously intoxicated, but I'll just say I'm fucking tired or I've had a couple of beers. I never try to completely deny being fucked up, I'll just make an excuse such as that to give me a bit of leeway to act abnormal.
    I've never really been busted though in a situation that hasn't involved bailing or just plain hiding/avoiding myself/paraphernalia
  • AnonymousAnonymous Regular
    edited July 2010
    Person at a store: "Aren't you going to take what you bought?"
    Me: "I bought something?" (Confused at this point.)
    Person at a store: "What are you high or something." (SRS QUESTION.)
    Me: "No I must have just forgotten."
    Me: *Grabs food and leaves.*

    True story...

    A bit weak compared to the rest though.
  • KundaLiniKundaLini Regular
    edited July 2010
    I lol'd to a friends younger brothers friend explaining to his parents why his eyes were red.

    "So the ball came across center and I wasn't paying attention, it was at head height but I couldn't make it up in time, so it just smashed into here (pointing to forehead and cheeks) and made everything red and painful (is literally high to the bricks as he's droning on explaining this, so it became something to stifle the laughter)"
  • 47 47 4747 47 47 Acolyte
    edited July 2010
    Leaning out the window to smoke a bowl
    mom comes in "What the hell are you doing"
    me" it looks cool when I light this lighter outside!"

    Fucking face palm :facepalm:
  • AnonymousAnonymous Regular
    edited July 2010
    47 47 47 wrote: »
    Leaning out the window to smoke a bowl
    mom comes in "What the hell are you doing"
    me" it looks cool when I light this lighter outside!"

    Fucking face palm :facepalm:

    Should have told her that you were smoking tea in order to consume it a different way. :cool:
  • ShroomerShroomer New Arrival
    edited May 2011
    Well I've only smoked weed a few times and don't like it very much. My younger bro on the other hand (he is the one that offered to let me try it) smokes every day almost. He got caught with it a few years back and had to go through lots of lectures with mom and dad. Then just a few days ago I hear that our mother happened upon his stash and pretty much ignored it. Basically she doesn't care as long as its kept indoors so he doesn't get caught.

    Also my cousin Brad does weed to but he does it EVERYWHERE. He got caught with it and lost his truck for a few weeks and got arrested. He cried like a baby and now he's doing it again! LAWL.
  • PsychoDelicPsychoDelic Regular
    edited May 2011
    Once when I was tripping on acid I'd just come home and my mum said I was acting weird I was like... "Mum... I'm really sorry, I... I... I'm drunk"
    She was like "lol" Funny thing is she knows I drink, do pills and smoke weed so that's a major :facepalm:
    And the classic I'm tired whenever your stoned. And when your bitch says she has a headache.
  • OsirisOsiris Acolyte
    edited May 2011
    Me and a couple friends got an ounce of salvia, its like as hardcore as the peak of an acid trip but only last for 20 minutes. We are parked in front a giant gravel pile (usually a safe place but not today) A k-9 unit shows up behind us, although we are tripping bawls and don't see him until he's tapping on the window. I shove the pipe under the seat, I don't know why. "What are you boys up to today?" Just enjoying the scenery I say, motioning to the giant pile of rocks (my vision is rocking back and forth and I'm screaming more than talking. "Can I have a look in your car?" FUCK YOU PIG, I hear from the back seat. "You'll have to excuze my colleague, he doesn't take kindly to strangers"

    Got the whole fucking ounce confiscated, my friend gets tackled and handcuffed, but they didn't have any idea what salvia was, so no tickets, thank you jesus.

    "I don't know why you boys would be smoking this, It can't do anything but give you a headache."
  • OsirisOsiris Acolyte
    edited May 2011
    His exact words were, "You will get your tickets in the mail" but of course you don't get tickets through the mail, you get them on the spot. I was 16 and didn't know that at the time. Where I am from the cops are crooked as shit, I swear to god, nobody deals without paying up. In the county over the head sheriff was just arrested for two counts of murder and dealing meth. My guess is they sold it and pocketed the money. You probably think I'm full of shit, but this is a backwoods type of place. Ever seen squidbillies?
  • OsirisOsiris Acolyte
    edited May 2011
  • DaGuruDaGuru Mite
    edited May 2011
    Was on juvenile probation, getting visits to my house and school from my probation officer. Him and my mom suspected I was still using drugs, and when he showed up unknowingly to my house a couple hours after school he wanted me to empty my pockets. He looks through my wallet, finds a pack of EZ-Wider rolling papers...and this exchange takes place.

    "If you aren't getting high any more, why do you have these?" asks the P.O.

    Not even blinking or pausing, as matter of factly as possible..."Sticky Notes".

    "What???!!?"...kinda grinning almost chuckling as he's about to crack a smile.

    "Yeah, if I stop by someone's house and they ain't there, I write a note and leave it on their door."....as serious could be.

    "You dont' really expect me to believe this, do you?"

    "I don't care if you do, but I paid for them long ago and was still getting use out of them....believe me all you like, but that IS what I still use them for."

    He just giggled and shook his head, made me rip them up and throw them away....usual ponderance probation nonsense after that...... :D

    Now mind you peeps, this was before pagers and cell phones.....so it wasn't THAT far fetched an idea I might be that practical to try to hook up with some bros. :thumbsup:


    About 3 weeks after I turned 18, I got a huge drunk on with some guys....off of Nightrain, some kind of beer, and of course smoking weed. I ended up on my buddy's front porch, kinda passed out and puking every now and again into his bushes. My 3 buds start roaming the neighborhood, and after being complete jackasses climbing on the roof of a daycare a couple doors down, the cops come.

    So there I am still puking in the bushes, not even able to stand up...when a cop pulls me up by the back of my jacket.

    "C'mon, let's go"...as he starts to handcuff me.

    "What are you taking me in for?"

    "You're drunk as a skunk, disturbing the peace in public."

    "I'm not drunk, just a little sick, got a cold or something."

    "Oh yeah, look at your eyes....they are flaming red, you are hammered."

    "Nah man, I wear contact lenses and they've been bothering me all day. Go in my pocket and you'll find my lense case right there."

    At this point I'm cuffed and I can't do it myself. So the cop reaches into my OTHER pocket....and of course then pulls out my bowl. DOH! :eek:


    Reliving these memories makes me realize just how much things have changed in barely over 20 years. The end of the story to when I was arrested, is I spent the night in city jail until I sobered up enough, got released around daybreak and was ONLY charged with "public drunkeness". Today if it was a teenager.....more than likely they'd also rape his ass with "underage consumption/possesion" along with a "paraphanelia" charge......fucking up his record even worse. :thumbsdown:

    I think back to the contact lenses, and remember just how much of a pain in the ass they used to be before you had extended wear, or the kind you can just dispose of after wearing for a while. This was back in the day when you had to take them out/clean them every night....and try your best to never wear them when sleeping. As a partier, you know how much of a fuck story that used to be??? :mad:

    And then back to no cell phones and pagers...that is a whole thread in and of itself. My whole point during this old fogey mini-rant was its kind of weird to me to really recognize just how "different" it is on so many levels for something as simple as....."let's get together and get fucked up with friends". So many parameters and logistics of the whole thing have changed, it almost is 2 different worlds in only 20 years time. :(
  • theGeneraltheGeneral Regular
    edited May 2011
    Being wasted in gym class in grade 9 got me sent to the office. I had a 60 ounce bottle of vodka in my bag and part of it had been spilled on my bag.

    Principal: Have you been drinking today?
    Me: No.
    Principal: You reek like liquor.
    Me: Well I saw a bottle on the ground but that was it.
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