ITT: You laugh

I got a good story here. This one is going in the record books. For what i don't know but still.

Ok so i go to college, this last year i lived in a house with 3 other people. Well one day we ran out of toilet paper, so I yelled at my roommate to get me some napkins from the kitchen. He comes back with Lysol wipes. I'm like, what the fuck is this, it sounds painful or some shit. He's like nah, I used em. I tell him to fuck off and get me some napkins.

That sunday was Halloween, we had a fat rager, maybe around 200 people in and out, around 75 or so at a time. Well I wake up the next morning and I go to take a shit. The toilet is clogged, so I try plunging it. Being a master plunger I can get it within a few plunges every time. 5 minutes and nothing still, so I'm like fuck it, I give up. About to hop in the shower and I notice my girlfriend's towel is on the wet shower tile, awww damn I think, that's fucked up, someone got her towel all wet and shit. I pick it up... SPLUDGE fat fucking TURD just flops right out of the pink fucking towel. Trying not to throw up I chuck the shit and clean the shower out.

Get in the shower and as i'm cleaning off, I notice the water isn't draining. Fuck. So I finish up and get out, thinking something is clogging the shower drain. I unscrew the plate and start stabbing down there with the longest knife in the house, to no avail. I say fuck it to that and go back to trying to unclog the toilet. That's where shit went bad.

I still can't get the fucking toilet unclogged. Then I look in the shower... which is slowly filling up with brown liquid. SHIT SHIT SHIT call the plumber. I have to go to class so I just skate to school at that point.

I come back a couple hours later, walk into my room and my beezy is laughing her ass off. I'm like, what the fuck is so funny??? She tells me to go check out the bathroom. Of course what do I see in there but the plumber running a snake (plumbing tool not animal) down the shower drain (which was only open because of my idea)... and the shower is FILLED with shit, not just an inch of brown liquid but filled to the top of the 4 or 5 inch barrier with sewage, mainly shit but also piss and puke from drunk kids.

I'm like, fuck this I'm going back to bed. Pass out for a few minutes, my girlfriend wakes me up again and tells me to go check out the bathroom. FLOODED WITH SHIT. Not only was the shower overflowing but the toilet as well. I go to use the other bathroom... THAT toilet overflowed and filled up the bathroom inches high in shit as well. And it was leaking out under the door, across the linoleum and out the fucking door into the driveway. SWEET!

So I go and ask the plumber if he knows what's wrong. "Yeah, you got shit in your shower drain." (imagine hick accent). Well no FUCKING SHIT buddy I coulda told you that before you fucking GOT here. Eventually the old fucker is like, "I'm going to get someone to come down and clean this up", well how about FIX IT asshole??? So this new plumber comes an hour or two later, not even from the same plumbing company but from a different one. First thing he says when he looks in the bathroom: "EWWWWW" loud as fuck. Bear in mind this is a guy who works with shit for a LIVING yelling eww at my bathroom lol.

Eventually the second plumber manages to unclog the pipes and gets the place drained out, not clean but no longer shit-lake and shit-river in the other bathroom. (Bleaching the fuck out of everything ensued obviously.) So I ask the fucker, what do you think was wrong with it?

"Some fuckin idiot flushed Lysol wipes down the toilet" :facepalm:


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