Great, now I'm a crack addict.

edited August 2011 in Man Cave
I have done tons of coke in all it's forms for the last 20 odd years, and I know when I am getting a habit. I have one now, an annoying gnawing thing like a little yappy dog that just won't stop barking. For the last 5 years or so I have preferred hard to soft because I don't like doing a lot of coke at once, the best part is always the first few hits. $20 worth of crack gives me that kick, and a few more besides, and when I'm done I can go to sleep and be at least 70% functional the next day.

A while ago I got a good local dude on my phone, quite respectable for a low level guy, and buying a rock became as easy as buying pack of smokes. I was good for a while, sticking to my once or twice a month routine. Then it became once or twice a week. I have spent about $400 on rock in the last month, scoring every second night or so, and just finished a five day run.

The annoying thing is, aside from feeling shitbagged a lot of the time, it has had very few negative effects. I have taken over the Chef position at work, my GF and I have gotten an apartment, my shit is in order, and nobody's pissed off. I could continue like this for a while if I wanted, but eventually something would crack, and some major personal or financial damage would ensue.

So, away with you, foul demon. We will dance again sometime, but the pit is getting too intense for my liking. I am going to take a good long rest, and turn myself to better things. It is gnawing at me as I type, there is money on the nightstand, there is a phone beside me, good times are right around the corner.

I have taken a bit of a cop out tonight, two high test brownies down the hatch, soon I will be so fucking high the thought of getting up and scoring will seem like an insane idea. The next couple of days will be difficult, the next couple of weeks will be annoying, but eventually the nasty stuff will back in it's place.

C/O
"wow, those brownies are coming on fast"

Comments

  • edited July 2011
    Good for you man, I'm glad you see the sense behind it all. Don't let it run away with you or you'll never come back again, and remember that too much of anything is going to end up BADLY. Really happy you're being sensible with it though, I was actually a little worried then (Wtf Trx, worried about someone over the internet? :facepalm:)

    Toke the weed as much as you can, it's an amazing drug.
  • 1357913579 Death Cog Machine
    edited July 2011
    trx100 wrote: »
    Good for you man, I'm glad you see the sense behind it all. Don't let it run away with you or you'll never come back again, and remember that too much of anything is going to end up BADLY. Really happy you're being sensible with it though, I was actually a little worried then (Wtf Trx, worried about someone over the internet? :facepalm:)

    Toke the weed as much as you can, it's an amazing drug.

    Agreeee'd. At least you realize it is becoming a problem.

    Around my town, heroin is becoming more popular than weed. It's sad, pretty much my first highschool friend has been wasting away on it lately (Though he's getting better).

    Personally, I hate heroin and opiates.

    I know I'd be a complete coke head if I had better access to it though :(
  • StephenPBarrettStephenPBarrett Adviser
    edited July 2011
    Good job catching this before it became a major problem. Moderation is the key to anything that you enjoy whether it be drugs, alcohol, cideo games or killing people. You don't want to overdo it. This is true especially for the illegal activities because eventually your luck runs out and you get caught or your life is ruined. Keeping hard drugs as an every once in a while thing is the best safe way to do them for your social and financial life. I say once or twice a month. It doesn't sound like very often but it is certainly better than nothing. Just as you are doing with crack it OS best to steer clear if having taken notice of an increasing desire. I wish I had done that.
  • McSkluvinMcSkluvin Regular
    edited July 2011
    That's good that you have the self-control to stop it now before it gets worse, just don't give in to those crack demons......
  • ThatfriedKidThatfriedKid Acolyte
    edited July 2011
    Good luck dude.

    I don't know if you commonly drink when you do coke/crack, but if you do I'd refrain from drinking for a while too.
  • edited July 2011
    Feel free to document any withdrawal you notice, and support is always here at Totse :)
  • TheWitchDoctorTheWitchDoctor Regular
    edited July 2011
    Good luck man. Maybe delete your dealers number?
  • MegaKushMegaKush Regular
    edited July 2011
    itll be easy because you already have a life goin on

    smoke that herb ull be cool
  • Darth BeaverDarth Beaver Meine Ehre heißt Treue
    edited July 2011
    A guy your age should know better than to fuck with that shit.
  • MarineBoatMarineBoat Regular
    edited July 2011
    A crack addiction is like the lottery.

    Sometimes your bag has a 12 karat diamond in it, but usually it don't.
  • edited July 2011
    coke basically feels like a fat caffeine high but your body almost feels like you're rolling, it's different in the way that it's less trippy, it just amps you up. just how swim feels anyway. its hella easy to tell when its cut too bc you feel all tweaked and shit not just charged up lol. super saiyan shit... never smoked rocks tho gonna stay away from that shit
  • edited August 2011
    Well, I'm over the nasty bit now. I am still avoiding booze, and I didn't post for a while because it was becoming a part of my nightly, get home-drink-score-post on totse routine. It will be a couple of months till I stop getting random cravings, but the annoying bit is done. Thanks for the advice and encouragement, you guys all rock, mmmmmm rock, I could sure...... NO!, bad overlord!.

    C/O
  • edited August 2011
    Hahaha, that rock joke made me chuckle :D Glad you've gotten throught the worst of it, what was it like?
  • edited August 2011
    CO is always a pillar of self-restraint and self-respect.


    Also remember the words of Whitney Houston: Crack is whack.


    Hahah
  • edited August 2011
    trx100 wrote: »
    Hahaha, that rock joke made me chuckle :D Glad you've gotten throught the worst of it, what was it like?

    Annoying, I could smell it constantly, even in food. How horseradish can smell like crack is beyond me, but when I tossed a few dip cups with traces of horseradish on them into the dishwasher, the steam that came out smelled like crack to me. Bitchy, cold, and my sense of humor took a turn for the very unfunny.
    I am going to go jam at my friends place in the country on saturday , and I know after a few drinks I will want some, but I'm staying the night, so it should be no problems. Posting on totse is a bit of a bitch too because I did it so much while I was high the last month. I scrubbed my phone of all dope numbers, and the thought of going out and looking around for someone, only to get a shitty piece, or get ripped off, has no appeal. It really was the easy access that fucked me over, buying drugs should involve at least 3 phone calls, travel time, and sitting on a couch with people you would rather not know.

    C/O
    "also, I am a Chef again, and power is the best dope"
  • LouisCypherLouisCypher Regular
    edited August 2011
    Run away screaming from that shit NOW. Dude you know better, YOU KNOW BETTER. Look at you trying to justify using that shit. "I still have my job and a girlfriend" fuck you, you have them now. give it a few months. Man I have been in the depths of despair, constantly drinking, "scoring" rock on those nights I "couldn't get coke". I have seen two of my best friends in the worst places you can imagine anybody because of their addictions. People like you and me are smart enough to justify and get away with almost anything. We aren't homeless right? That does not mean we are doing anything good for ourselves or anyone we know.
  • edited August 2011
    So suck it up. If you had read a little more carefully, you would have seen that the job and the girlfriend are the reasons why I'm putting it down. Hell yeah I can get away with a lot of shit because I can always get up and still be half assed good to go, but if it goes too far, I step on it. I hope the fact that I'm being a smug fuck and describing how I'm dealing with it pisses you off enough that you deal with your own problems out of pure spite.
  • katherinerankin74katherinerankin74 Semo-Regulars
    edited August 2011
    I have done tons of coke in all it's forms for the last 20 odd years, and I know when I am getting a habit. I have one now, an annoying gnawing thing like a little yappy dog that just won't stop barking. For the last 5 years or so I have preferred hard to soft because I don't like doing a lot of coke at once, the best part is always the first few hits. $20 worth of crack gives me that kick, and a few more besides, and when I'm done I can go to sleep and be at least 70% functional the next day.

    A while ago I got a good local dude on my phone, quite respectable for a low level guy, and buying a rock became as easy as buying pack of smokes. I was good for a while, sticking to my once or twice a month routine. Then it became once or twice a week. I have spent about $400 on rock in the last month, scoring every second night or so, and just finished a five day run.

    The annoying thing is, aside from feeling shitbagged a lot of the time, it has had very few negative effects. I have taken over the Chef position at work, my GF and I have gotten an apartment, my shit is in order, and nobody's pissed off. I could continue like this for a while if I wanted, but eventually something would crack, and some major personal or financial damage would ensue.

    So, away with you, foul demon. We will dance again sometime, but the pit is getting too intense for my liking. I am going to take a good long rest, and turn myself to better things. It is gnawing at me as I type, there is money on the nightstand, there is a phone beside me, good times are right around the corner.

    I have taken a bit of a cop out tonight, two high test brownies down the hatch, soon I will be so fucking high the thought of getting up and scoring will seem like an insane idea. The next couple of days will be difficult, the next couple of weeks will be annoying, but eventually the nasty stuff will back in it's place.

    C/O
    "wow, those brownies are coming on fast"
    Thanks you for the post.
  • PsychotogenPsychotogen Regular
    edited August 2011
    you should just freebase. And kidnap/kill some prostitutes for the win.
  • white88enochianwhite88enochian Regular
    edited August 2011
    i thought crack kept you awake for days and normal when ur high you want to get higher and your mind is clouded so wouldnt it be easier to give in when ur high
  • Mudokon FarmerMudokon Farmer Acolyte
    edited August 2011
    i thought crack kept you awake for days and normal when ur high you want to get higher and your mind is clouded so wouldnt it be easier to give in when ur high

    That's probably meth you're talking about. Coke wears off very quickly, but the problem is the stimulation you feel after the high dies off. Then you're stuck unmotivated, unable to sleep, and in desperate need of depressants.
  • mafiabromafiabro Regular
    edited August 2011
    I'll never touch coke so i'm in no position to comment, but nice job catching the problem before it got out of control.
  • MooseKnuckleMooseKnuckle Regular
    edited August 2011
    cocaine is for cool people :thumbsup:
  • Mudokon FarmerMudokon Farmer Acolyte
    edited August 2011
    This thread reminds me of how bad ass the phrase "shooting up crack" sounds.
  • Darth BeaverDarth Beaver Meine Ehre heißt Treue
    edited August 2011
    151-1-8.jpg

    This is not 4chan post your memes there or in HB please.
  • Mudokon FarmerMudokon Farmer Acolyte
    edited August 2011
    This is not 4chan post your memes there or in HB please.

    Since when did you become a moderator, asshole? Better yet, since when did you become anyone other than a butt hurt refugee of sorts?
  • edited August 2011
    This is not 4chan post your memes there or in HB please.

    Yours,
    A moderator.
  • Mudokon FarmerMudokon Farmer Acolyte
    edited August 2011
    trx100 wrote: »
    This is not 4chan post your memes there or in HB please.

    Yours,
    A faggot.

    Fixed.
  • Darth BeaverDarth Beaver Meine Ehre heißt Treue
    edited August 2011
    Since when did you become a moderator, asshole? Better yet, since when did you become anyone other than a butt hurt refugee of sorts?

    Don't worry about what I am. Worry about what you have control over.
  • edited August 2011
    Fixed.

    I'm being serious. This is BLTC, not some dumb playground and I'm sure that C/O wouldn't like his thread to get shat all over. Just don't post lame garbage and you'll be alright.
  • edited August 2011
    Well, I still haven't used since I decided to lay it down. But the cravings pop up in the oddest places, and maybe because of the importance smell has is my day to day professional and personal life, it is usually a smell that triggers a want to use again.

    Quitting smoking is much harder, you can't make it more difficult for yourself to buy cigarettes, so they are always just a few steps away. I think making it more difficult to "score", whatever you have a problem with, is important in getting a habit under control. If I want crack now, I would have to go get a middler, who will take a nice piece for himself before I even see it, then have his hand out for a hoot when he passes it off to me. I got into a habit because it was easy to get, and I was getting good value, now that I know $20 bucks will get me about 2/3 what it once did, it is a lot easier to pass it up.

    My life lately has been very different from the last seven or eight years, and that helps a lot as well. I work days, so i no longer come home after my roomate is asleep, so I have no real private time to use rock. I am spending a lot more time with my GF as we engage in endless preparation for moving in together, annoying, but it is a worthwhile venture. My work is more stressful, but more rewarding, we sent some free ribs today to a sports radio DJ who was complaining he couldn't find a good rib recipe. He was broadcasting from the local football teams training facility (Go B.C. Lions!). He ended up giving the second rack to the team manager, so we got a free shout out on the radio, and I got a call from the team manager requesting some help on pulling off the recipe, cool shit. I am playing guitar more, and drumming a lot more, drumming is the best aerobic workout I have ever actually enjoyed, and I am kicking myself for not getting into it sooner.

    So there you go. Problem solved? Not by a long shot.

    I have had addiction problems from the first moment I used drugs. I love drugs, and I always will. I have clawed my way back from the brink of a serious problem many, many times. It is the knowledge that I can do this, and the fact that I never let drugs interfere with making a living, that makes it tempting to say; 'hell, it's been a while, lets get ripped'.

    Whenever I make a lot of changes in my life at once, it feels great. I feel powerful, I am the fucking overlord, adaptable, hard working, the guy you want on your team. Eventually, though, the demons claw their way to the top again, and some compromise must be made. I will lay off the rock, possibly forever, might not even use coke again, but someday, something will get it's hooks into me again, and the dance will begin. The slow increase in use, the rationalizing of said use as a reaction to external factors, the short period of time when I am the drugs bitch, the look over the precipice, the realization that I have got another habit, the quitting, the change in scenery that makes it easier, the taking on of more responsibility to fill the gap with positive feedback, the functional and productive months or years, the eventual loathing for the life I have made for myself, the occasional escape into hard drugs. Lather, rinse, repeat.

    Don't get me wrong, this isn't a self pity party. I enjoy this cycle, and the drugs involved. I dread the day when I realize I have created a life I cannot escape, but for some reason I am on the verge of doing just that. If I ever have a child, I will have to find a way to break this cycle. The only way I can think of is a word that fills me with such conflict it would take some really fucked up shit going down for me to consider it. Rehab. 90 days of mental reprogramming, and a lifetime of meetings. Balls. Oh well, if it comes to it, I hope I have the balls to ask for it, instead of fucking up so badly it is forced upon me.

    Fuck it, my buds are coming over to jam, I have a 6, some good weed, and I am going to drum like a motherfucker.

    C/O
    "of course I'll always be an alcoholic, but I'm fine with that"
  • McSkluvinMcSkluvin Regular
    edited August 2011
    That's good to hear that you are staying strong, and keep on drumming man! :D
  • larrixinatorlarrixinator Semo-Regulars
    edited August 2011
    crack is pretty cool.But it aint got shit on LSD+meth+DXM+crack :cool:
  • xbcnfujvxbcnfujv Regular
    edited August 2011
    for humanitarian purposes, i think crack addicts should be granted free access to assisted-suicide by a qualified suicide-technician.
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