Field Notebook 1

Habaner0Habaner0 Regular
edited October 2011 in Life
Section 1: Late last night I was taken hostage with a bag over my head and handcuffs on my wrists. When I was released beautiful women surrounded me. They were staring at me with confusion and curiosity. After a couple of hours of being examined they let me go outside. When my eyes finally adjusted to the brightness I was flabbergasted to see an entire town full of fine-looking women. There were seventy two of them and they were speaking a squiggle language that I could not understand (which felt normal) and the more I though about it, the more I came to the conclusion that this language is not of a tongue that I have ever heard, but one I would like to be very familiar with. As I looked around I couldn’t help but notice how green everything was. I wandered around for a while and as I observed how they lived here for so long without being noticed I saw that the only thing these women ate was off of trees. It seems that these people lived off the land and the place was completely void of electronics, meat, and most importantly, men.
Section 2: As I wake up from my first day in this foreign, but very appealing place, I notice that I am not alone. There is a girl in a full fucking burkha right in my face gesturing to her bomb vest. She looks like she is my age and seems to understand what I am saying when I talk to myself. As I approach her I am trying to figure out if she know any English. As I expected she is fluent in English and then tells me she was chosen to watch over me. I then learn that she is my translator and she seems to be very interested in me, and who could blame her. She finally told me that her name was Dianna Agron and that’s how we met.
Section 3: I walked out into the town and explored the area. Dianna was trying to tell me how to greet other people, but I was too star-struck by all the other women to pay attention. A woman walked up to me and waved a Koh Ran at me. I did not know what to do and before I knew it she slapped the hell out of me with it. Dianna then pulled me aside and told me that I have to greet people a certain way “Salaam Aleikem”. When they put their hands out I am supposed to put my hands in theirs and they will say something “barakallahu feek” that roughly translates to “live in peace”. She also told me that if both my cheeks are CCCP red that people will avoid me and if my face is always red then I would be put into a box where I cannot see out but others can see in.
Section 4: The next day when I was released from the box I went around town to try to understand these women and their language. Dianna follows me into the garden and we encounter a woman who calls me over. I greet her they way I was taught yesterday and it turns out that these people are actually friendly. She wanted me to help her garden and with the help of Dianna I was able to understand what she was saying.

Comments

  • Darth BeaverDarth Beaver Meine Ehre heißt Treue
    edited October 2011
    This appears to be something written by the OP and not:
    Books, Magazines, and Newspapers. What you read and why you read it. Favorite authors, magazines you read, recommendations for future reading, unusual books and where to purchase them, and sources of strange mail.

    Moving this from Printed Matter to Prose & Poetry.
  • edited October 2011
    This appears to be something written by the OP and not:



    Moving this from Printed Matter to Prose & Poetry.

    I can confirm that this article was not, in fact, written by the OP.
  • Habaner0Habaner0 Regular
    edited October 2011
    I didn't write it, I found it, and FATTY and I OPERATED the fuck out of it.
  • BoxBox Regular
    edited October 2011
    Dianna is that chick from Glee right? Fucking beauty.
  • Darth BeaverDarth Beaver Meine Ehre heißt Treue
    edited October 2011
    Habaner0 wrote: »
    I didn't write it, I found it, and FATTY and I OPERATED the fuck out of it.

    Either way printed matter is for the discussion of articles and other printed media not for the copy pasta of same without some commentary on the part of the OP to generate intelligent discussion of the article.

    Of course you already know that don't you rabbit?
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