A Simple Guide to Male Masturbation

StephenPBarrettStephenPBarrett Adviser
edited December 2010 in Life
A Simple Guide to Male Masturbation

Throughout the years sexual activities have been vilified through media and religions and government agencies. Lucky for us an age has finally come to mankind in which sexuality and most sexual activities are no longer frowned upon. Welcome back to Rome. Even this day however several people still have issues with sex and masturbation. This is terrible because in actuality it is mentally unhealthy not to get some form of sexual release. Here is a guide for the average male to do so without a partner.

Basic Masturbation:

Studies show that humans generally discover their genitals around the age of 2-3. Upon discovery we of course realize the pleasure that can be had from them. Of course we don't excrete semen until much later in life, being underdeveloped, so we can't orgasm yet but pleasure is still there. That is a sensitive place. Point being: it comes to us instinctualy! You know what to do and how to do it guys. Just grab it and go.
First there is the dry hand method used for several reasons. Maybe you need to beat one off fast before somebody comes home or maybe you're at work in the bathroom (hopefully not) or perhaps you prefer the roughness of your palm. Either way we all have done this at one point or another. Honestly though using a lubricant enhances the experience three fold. If you haven't tried it you should.
When using a lubricant you have to be careful of what you choose. You don't want to accidentally give yourself a rash down there or something worse (I've heard of guys getting chemical burns). Your safest bet is always going to be your own saliva but I would only recommend that if you are allergic to manufactured lubricants. There are plenty of lubes to choose from at your local market. Test them out and find which one best suits you. Personally I prefer Astroglide. If for some reason you can't use these lubes or wont there are still plenty of options: shaving cream, butter, hand lotions and lard are just a few examples. Before you use anything for a lubricant READ THE LABEL. You need to make sure that what you're using doesn't contain any ingredients that you are allergic to otherwise you wont enjoy your wank session for very long.

Strategies:

Anybody can just beat their meat but if you're not exploring then you're really selling yourself short. Next time you have the chance try different things with your penis. Instead of just pumping it like a piston in your fist try stroking it. The head and the balls are much more sensitive than the shaft and the underside of the shaft is its most sensitive part. Keeping this in mind, try different techniques which focus on these areas. Use both your hands to massage your head and your balls at the same time. Figure out where you like to be rough and where you like to be gentle. Try different hand positions. Be sure to switch it up every once in a while, variety works wonders as repeating the same motions can get old quick. If you run out of ideas try the first thing that comes to mind, chances are you'll find something new to enjoy.

Urethral Insertion:

WARNING: URETHRAL INSERTION CAN LEAD TO SERIOUS HEALTH ISSUES SUCH AS: INFECTION, OBSTRUCTION, NARROWING OF THE URETHRA AND OFTEN RESULTS IN SURGERY.
Sounds a bit scary huh? Maybe so but this is quickly becoming a trend. Why? Why else does anyone do something so risky? Because its exciting and pleasurable. Granted the insertion process is uncomfortable to say the least but the masturbation experience becomes much more intense. Like every different form of masturbation under the sun this isn't for everyone. In fact, just because of the health risks I advise against it. However, if you're going to do it play it safe.
When inserting something into your urethra you really need to be cautious. Make sure that your utensil has a handle or a base so that you don't lose it. You also want to make sure you are using something that wont flake or break off during. The most common reason people seek medical help after urethral insertion is because they got something stuck inside or it fell through into their bladder. DO NOT USE CANDLES. Honestly, the inside of your body is generally 98.6 degrees and that is plenty enough heat to melt a candle before you're finished.
If you are trying this for the first time start out small. Don't just try to shove a spoon into your penis right off the bat, you probably wont get it to fit. Start with something small like a pen or your grandmother's croutche pin. If what you're using doesn't have a handle or a base attach something to it to keep from losing it. I can't stress enough that you have to be careful doing this. Once you've stretched a bit then you're ready to start using bigger objects. Soon enough you'll be just like that guy in the "Me Next" video. You can find toys for this specific purpose at most local sex shops.

Anal Insertion:

WARNING: ANAL INSERTION CAN LEAD TO SEVERE HEALTH RISKS SUCH AS: INFECTION AND RUPTURING OF THE COLON
We've all heard the stories about people losing things in there butts: toy cars, gerbils, highlighters. When inserting something anally make sure it is something you can get out easily. Your best bet is to buy yourself a dildo or a vibrator. These come in several different shapes and sizes so you have plenty of options. If you can't be bothered buying a dildo though there are plenty of household items that are safe.
If it is your first time trying anal insertion I highly recommend that you use lubrication. Otherwise you might not even get past the actual insertion and to the masturbation as it can be very painful. Again, you want to start out small here. Pencils, Sharpies, a toothbrush (don't reuses for intended purpose) are just a few examples. Usually the rectum has a length of 10-15 cm so keep that in mind when you're practicing anal masturbation. It is easy to get carried away and accidentally and painfully rupture your colon.
After a bit of practice you will be ready to move on to bigger objects. Remember to always lube (unless you're into pain) and work on stretching slowly. Don't jump from the width of a quarter to a coke bottle. Remember, the prostate gland isn't very far up your butt so pleasure can be achieved without the use of a plunger shaft (which I don't recommend by the way, people have died and think of the splinters).
Afterward you may excrete a very smelly fluid. This is nothing to worry about as its usually just the lubricant used mixed with fecal matter. If there are specks of blood in the fluid or if it is red you may have cause an internal injury or you may have simply stretched your anus too much. If you experience severe internal pain search medical attention immediately.

Autofellatio:

WARNING: AUTOFELLATIO CAN LEAD TO SEVERE BACK PROBLEMS
Autofellatio is something that you either can or can't do. Just because you don't get it on the first try doesn't mean you can't do it. Work on stretching and becoming more flexible. Take baby steps when attempting this. Initially, if you can do it, you will probably only be able to get the tip of your head in your mouth. Don't despare! With practice you can manage on general half of your penis. This can be done with a penis 5in in length (though not suggested). Autofellatio of course feels amazing but the downside is you will always have an acheing back during and once you're finished. This could last for days so proceed with caution.
Even if you can't quite suck your own dick you may be able to get it close enough to lick it. Anyone who has had a worthwhile blow job knows that the tongue can do a lot of really great things for sexual stimulation.

Thats all for now. If needed I will make a better and more up to date version of this guide. Thank you for reading and happy fapping.

Added to CMS by Trx100

Comments

  • DfgDfg Admin
    edited August 2010
    Thanks for this quality thread. [Tweeted]
  • mashlehashmashlehash Regular
    edited August 2010
  • fanglekaifanglekai Regular
    edited August 2010
    Nice read. I liked the autofellatio part the best. Reminds me of a scene in a movie where a guy talks about how he tried to suck his own dick. He said something like "Every guys tries, man!" Pretty lulzy. I also recommend people read labels before using lotions and stuff as lube. Don't use icy hot ever.
  • edited August 2010
    Some of that guide made me imagine horrific pain in the specific areas mentioned. The urethral insertion bit had me clutching my cock for 10 minutes.
  • ImaginariumImaginarium Regular
    edited August 2010
    Fuck yeah, seaking.
  • BitterConflictBitterConflict Regular
    edited August 2010
    fanglekai wrote: »
    Nice read. I liked the autofellatio part the best. Reminds me of a scene in a movie where a guy talks about how he tried to suck his own dick. He said something like "Every guys tries, man!" Pretty lulzy. I also recommend people read labels before using lotions and stuff as lube. Don't use icy hot ever.

  • fanglekaifanglekai Regular
    edited August 2010
    That's it!!!
  • edited August 2010
    Brilliant thread bro, I just sat here and read the whole thing. Also retweeted Dfg the other day.

    I want to hear some more methods!
  • Darth BeaverDarth Beaver Meine Ehre heißt Treue
    edited August 2010
    If you need to read a guide to jerk off there is not hope for you.
  • edited August 2010
    If you need to read a guide to jerk off there is not hope for you.
    Anybody can just beat their meat but if you're not exploring then you're really selling yourself short.

    :D :thumbsup:
  • 0vvarT0vvarT Acolyte
    edited August 2010
    I've never heard of urethral insertion, it sounds painful. When you say a spoon, do you mean the handle or the part you hold your food in?
  • StephenPBarrettStephenPBarrett Adviser
    edited August 2010
    ^ Either or. I can't find the "Me Next" video but in it this guy is putting something in his urethra and pulling/pushing it in and out and his penis splits in half practically to his balls. I don't think this was a new injury though.

    trx100 wrote: »
    I want to hear some more methods!

    K. I'm already working on a 2.0 version that will include more methods and more details. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
  • 0vvarT0vvarT Acolyte
    edited August 2010
    ^ Either or. I can't find the "Me Next" video but in it this guy is putting something in his urethra and pulling/pushing it in and out and his penis splits in half practically to his balls. I don't think this was a new injury though.

    Sounds unpleasant, I'll probably just stick with external pleasure for now.
  • ILTST9ILTST9 Regular
    edited August 2010
    I really hope no guys here actually needed a guide to this. :facepalm: I've tried giving myself a blowjob before and can't reach it. Anal insertions feel pretty good though.
    Honestly, the inside of your body is generally 98.6 degrees and that is plenty enough heat to melt a candle before you're finished.
    Wrong. The melting point of most candles is above 130 degrees so it's not going to melt. Usually it's much higher than that. If it were that low then candles would just melt during a hot day. Even so you still have to be pretty fucking stupid to stick a candle up your uethra.
  • ObscuraObscura Semo-Regulars
    edited August 2010
    Come on bro you forgot the genital mutilation/self harm section. Blood makes the best lube.
  • StephenPBarrettStephenPBarrett Adviser
    edited August 2010
    ILTST9 wrote: »
    I really hope no guys here actually needed a guide to this. :facepalm:

    The melting point of most candles is above 130 degrees so it's not going to melt.

    I don't think anybody here actually needs the guide, I just wrote it because there was a thread titled somebody should write a guide on masturbation.

    ^ I learn something new everyday.
    Obscura wrote: »
    Come on bro you forgot the genital mutilation/self harm section. Blood makes the best lube.

    In the works.
  • fanglekaifanglekai Regular
    edited August 2010
    It's good to see more content. +1 for the OP.
  • fanglekaifanglekai Regular
    edited September 2010
    Edited the thread to suit our new guides thing.
  • MayberryMayberry Regular
    edited September 2010
    I like the warnings :o
  • MayberryMayberry Regular
    edited September 2010
    ^^yea the warnings were lulzy :hai: But i honestly don't see why anyone would shove something up their urethra, especially a candle :confused:

    hts
  • Mr.HappyMr.Happy Acolyte
    edited September 2010
    So when I was, like, 15, I worked the whammy bar from my guitar into my dick and beat off.

    419108.jpg

    ^ just like that. The kink was a little uncomfortable but I found an angle it was okay at. Funny enough, I got inspired by the story "Guts".

    I jerked off using that method a few times (like, 3-4). They were, no joke, some of the best wanks I've ever had in my life. However, when I went for a piss the next morning, the whole of the inside of my dick felt like it was on fire. Like, I almost collapsed before I finished peeing. It scared me and I never did it again. If you're going to try this, for the love of God use some kind of lubricating agent that's better than saliva.

    EDIT: You don't need lubrication if you're uncut.
  • StephenPBarrettStephenPBarrett Adviser
    edited September 2010
    ^ Wow, will keep that in mind.

    Thanks for the prefix!
  • fanglekaifanglekai Regular
    edited September 2010
    No problem. I think with the prefix this'll get more traffic.
  • SlartibartfastSlartibartfast Global Moderator -__-
    edited December 2010
    Holy Shit. I got chills down my spine just thinking about inserting stuff into my uretha.
  • KatzenklavierKatzenklavier Regular
    edited December 2010
    Olive oil.
  • Sarahlov3lySarahlov3ly Regular
    edited December 2010
    I'm curious so would you suck your own dick if you could? Is that gay?
  • KatzenklavierKatzenklavier Regular
    edited December 2010
    Olive oil makes your skin soft. I recommend that.
  • edited December 2010
    I'm curious so would you suck your own dick if you could? Is that gay?

    Probably, it's not really gay unless its being done to another guy. If your friend walks in and sees you, that also makes it gay.

    Otherwise, sure why not.
  • Sarahlov3lySarahlov3ly Regular
    edited December 2010
    trx100 wrote: »
    Probably, it's not really gay unless its being done to another guy. If your friend walks in and sees you, that also makes it gay.

    Otherwise, sure why not.

    Would it be empowering? It just seems a little odd to me. I just think if i was a dude and was capable of doing that i'm not sure that I would.
  • edited December 2010
    I don't think I'd have the balls to finish in my own mouth, but still
  • Sarahlov3lySarahlov3ly Regular
    edited December 2010
    That seems a little off
  • fanglekaifanglekai Regular
    edited December 2010
    I'm curious so would you suck your own dick if you could? Is that gay?

    Yes I would do it. No, it's not gay. Is touching your own dick gay? If it were, every guy would be gay for masturbating. Is putting stuff in your ass gay? Obviously not, or every guy would be gay for putting stuff in his ass. :o
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