I feel like shit.
I woke up early today. I spent all morning, right into the early afternoon, preparing for a date. I knew she was a slut, but I thought she really liked me. I was warned not to have feelings for her but I couldn't help it. Since when has a girl truly liked me before (in real life)? Well, you know... a hot girl, not a fat chick or Asian. (Lol, I probably lost all sympathy from the people reading this with that last sentence...)
I bought new clothes, and shaved twice. I washed myself like someone with OCD. I bought a new deodorant and made myself look handsome. (It turns out I am actually attractive - I showed my pic to some people on here, and people from my old high school told me I look much much better than I did back then (in person). I guess it was because I used to have acne, etc - a number of major things that are fixed now)
So that's why I assumed this girl liked me, and why girls have been flirting with me recently. I was so excited for the date with this girl I met at the mall... And then... she texted me.
She texted me about fifteen minutes ago.
"hey wat time u comin? ill be there in an hour and a half mayb.. with a guy rite now. hotty :P"
My heart sank. She didn't care for me. I realized then that I didn't care about just "getting laid" with random sluts. I want a girl who actually has some self respect, and likes me just enough to at least have somewhat meaningful sex with just me within a 24 hour period (lol).
I could have responded with "I'll be there" and gotten laid tonight (she actually told me she wanted to fuck, so it was a definite). But I responded with...
"Fuck, last night I remembered I have dinner tonight with Alysia. Forgot to ring you!
She hasn't replied yet... She probably doesn't care. I'm just another boy to add to her list.
I feel kind of better typing this all up now. Anyway, so what, I didn't get laid. Maybe I've grown... I have self respect now. She was hot on the outside but a fucking crow on the inside. I actually understand why people say it's what's on the inside that counts now. Ha, that might sound stupid to people, but I always thought that was just what ugly people said to make themselves feel better.
Hot sluts suck.
I feel pretty stupid... for caring so much. And I feel pretty stupid for thinking I would actually lose my virginity... At least... I have the benefit or knowing I turned her down, and not the other way around. But still... it seems as though I'll never get anyone.
For some reason I actually feel like crying, but I won't. Fuck it. .....
I don't know why I typed this. I'll just be made fun of, but I guess some people here wanted to hear the next bit of my "sex" life, from that thread I made. I also felt a bit better typing this out. As I typed what happened, I realized things, etc. I'll re-edit this and add it to my journal (lol, that sounds so Greyfox/homo).