The butterfly effect. What would've happened if I lost my virginity last year? — Totseans

The butterfly effect. What would've happened if I lost my virginity last year?

Totse BotTotse Bot Banned
edited August 2010 in Life
Just came across this post on Zoklet from last year, and the memories started flooding back. The smells, the emotions, etc...
I feel like shit.

I woke up early today. I spent all morning, right into the early afternoon, preparing for a date. I knew she was a slut, but I thought she really liked me. I was warned not to have feelings for her but I couldn't help it. Since when has a girl truly liked me before (in real life)? Well, you know... a hot girl, not a fat chick or Asian. (Lol, I probably lost all sympathy from the people reading this with that last sentence...)

I bought new clothes, and shaved twice. I washed myself like someone with OCD. I bought a new deodorant and made myself look handsome. (It turns out I am actually attractive - I showed my pic to some people on here, and people from my old high school told me I look much much better than I did back then (in person). I guess it was because I used to have acne, etc - a number of major things that are fixed now)

So that's why I assumed this girl liked me, and why girls have been flirting with me recently. I was so excited for the date with this girl I met at the mall... And then... she texted me.

She texted me about fifteen minutes ago.

"hey wat time u comin? ill be there in an hour and a half mayb.. with a guy rite now. hotty :P"

.............................

My heart sank. She didn't care for me. I realized then that I didn't care about just "getting laid" with random sluts. I want a girl who actually has some self respect, and likes me just enough to at least have somewhat meaningful sex with just me within a 24 hour period (lol).

I could have responded with "I'll be there" and gotten laid tonight (she actually told me she wanted to fuck, so it was a definite). But I responded with...

"Fuck, last night I remembered I have dinner tonight with Alysia. Forgot to ring you! :( lol Bye."

She hasn't replied yet... She probably doesn't care. I'm just another boy to add to her list.

I feel kind of better typing this all up now. Anyway, so what, I didn't get laid. Maybe I've grown... I have self respect now. She was hot on the outside but a fucking crow on the inside. I actually understand why people say it's what's on the inside that counts now. Ha, that might sound stupid to people, but I always thought that was just what ugly people said to make themselves feel better.

Hot sluts suck.

I feel pretty stupid... for caring so much. And I feel pretty stupid for thinking I would actually lose my virginity... At least... I have the benefit or knowing I turned her down, and not the other way around. But still... it seems as though I'll never get anyone.

:(

For some reason I actually feel like crying, but I won't. Fuck it. .....

I don't know why I typed this. I'll just be made fun of, but I guess some people here wanted to hear the next bit of my "sex" life, from that thread I made. I also felt a bit better typing this out. As I typed what happened, I realized things, etc. I'll re-edit this and add it to my journal (lol, that sounds so Greyfox/homo).

Man. For those who don't know, I later found out she actually fucking loved me, and that guy she was talking about was just a "test" or something. You know the crap women do.

So I'm wondering... If I had went to her house that night, and we had sex... What would my life be like today?

Hurts to think how much it could've changed...

Comments

  • fanglekaifanglekai Regular
    edited August 2010
    Don't obsess over the past. You have no idea what would have happened had you gone over there. Girls say tons of shit after the fact and there's no way to know if that's how it would have been or not. Maybe she just wanted to make you feel bad for not showing up. Who knows. The point is you need to stop focusing on possible missed opportunities and see how many opportunities you're missing out on right now because you're focusing on the past and not the present.
  • Totse BotTotse Bot Banned
    edited August 2010
    True, man. Thanks.
  • CloudcatCloudcat Regular
    edited August 2010
    How did you find out she actually fucking loved you and etc?

    Did she tell you that?
  • FONFON Regular
    edited August 2010
    fanglekai wrote: »
    Don't obsess over the past. You have no idea what would have happened had you gone over there. Girls say tons of shit after the fact and there's no way to know if that's how it would have been or not. Maybe she just wanted to make you feel bad for not showing up. Who knows. The point is you need to stop focusing on possible missed opportunities and see how many opportunities you're missing out on right now because you're focusing on the past and not the present.

    Well said.

    OP, have you been laid since then?
  • MasturbatronMasturbatron Regular
    edited August 2010
    "hey wat time u comin? ill be there in an hour and a half mayb.. with a guy rite now. hotty :P"

    Any girl that texts/types like that would automatically become just a fuck to me. I couldn't deal with that shit in a relationship.

    "I luv u lol ;)" :facepalm:
  • Totse BotTotse Bot Banned
    edited August 2010
    FON wrote: »
    Well said.

    OP, have you been laid since then?

    <Blunderful> I'm a virgin.
    Cloudcat wrote: »
    How did you find out she actually fucking loved you and etc?

    Did she tell you that?

    Yeah she did.
  • CloudcatCloudcat Regular
    edited August 2010
    Well, even if you had gotten laid with her, it probably wouldn't have made a huge difference in your life. It's just sex.
  • blindbatblindbat Regular
    edited August 2010
    Blunderful wrote: »
    Yeah she did.
    how long ago was this? what you do when you found out?
  • fanglekaifanglekai Regular
    edited August 2010
    She was probably fucking with you. If she really wanted you she would have done something about it or been more persistent.
  • woodwood Regular
    edited August 2010
    No no no, you guys have it all wrong with this 'moving on' shit. What you need to do is to dwell on the past, relive it in all its emotional turmoil, obsess over her until you make right what you messed up the first time.

    'Moving on' is just another way of saying 'giving up.'
  • fanglekaifanglekai Regular
    edited August 2010
    wood wrote: »
    No no no, you guys have it all wrong with this 'moving on' shit. What you need to do is to dwell on the past, relive it in all its emotional turmoil, obsess over her until you make right what you messed up the first time.

    'Moving on' is just another way of saying 'giving up.'

    He does need to give up on this one and find another one.:(
  • MasturbatronMasturbatron Regular
    edited August 2010
    wood wrote: »
    No no no, you guys have it all wrong with this 'moving on' shit. What you need to do is to dwell on the past, relive it in all its emotional turmoil, obsess over her until you make right what you messed up the first time.

    'Moving on' is just another way of saying 'giving up.'

    It isn't giving up. It's saving yourself the trouble of obsessing over some cunt that says she loves you but showed absolutely no initiative, and hung out with some "hotty" before going to a date with the person that she "loves" and going as far as to tell the person she "loves" that she's hanging out with a "hotty" before their fucking date. Yeah, a real winner there, and definitely worth your time.

    Edit: Why are girls such sluts?
  • StephenPBarrettStephenPBarrett Adviser
    edited August 2010
    ^ The same reason guys are.

    Fanglekai is right, some great girl could be right in front of your face and you wouldn't even notice if you're too hung up over some other girl. Dwelling on the past will only hurt you more and more. The sooner you get over her the better. I used to dwell over botched relationships and possible ones and it took me too long to learn this lesson.
  • Totse BotTotse Bot Banned
    edited August 2010
    blindbat wrote: »
    how long ago was this? what you do when you found out?

    It was a few months after I psoted that. When she told me I rejected her and said she was a stupid bitch etc. I know it sounds like I'm lying, coz nobody would ever do that (on totse) but I'm serious. I was drunk btw. Lol.

    She never talked to me again. It felt good to reject her. She's the girl I'm talking about in my blog.
  • CloudcatCloudcat Regular
    edited August 2010
    Blunderful wrote: »
    It was a few months after I psoted that. When she told me I rejected her and said she was a stupid bitch etc. I know it sounds like I'm lying, coz nobody would ever do that (on totse) but I'm serious. I was drunk btw. Lol.

    She never talked to me again. It felt good to reject her. She's the girl I'm talking about in my blog.

    Which reminds me, I haven't seen your blog yet.

    Anyone got a link?
  • edited August 2010
  • zingalongzingalong Regular
    edited August 2010
    OP, you did the right fucking thing, you should have no regrets. Any girl that says shit like that to you is not worth any further thought. She was only "hot", that's it. Hot girls are a dime a dozen, don't waste your time with a fucking whore who only wants to give you a mind fuck.
  • jatorjator Regular
    edited August 2010
    You spend all this time dwelling on it but when it happens, you're gonna realize, it's just sex...not really a big deal at all.

    Then you will be like "wtf was I thinking before."

    Just hire a hooker or something and get it out of the way man.
  • AKIRAAKIRA Regular
    edited August 2010
    I hate when chicks pull that shit, oh that was a test and you failed. A girl I like now does that all the time, shits annoying, brah!
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