2 much

brandonbrandon Regular
edited September 2010 in Life
ok so this is a poem or rap that i made its called 2 much feel free 2 leeve comints or tel me wut 2 say and maybe on a post :o:o:o:o:o:o

2 much 2 much
ur out of tuch with reelality
treetin life like a fermality
eatin bergers and drinking soda
its 10am u alredy filed ur calery qwota
but u keep pushing it
take the junk away u throw a fit
seling drugs and taking money
steeling from kids u think its funy
cant go play frisby
u lye u say ur bisy
cus ur at home doing glue
then get adicted 2 chew
good mood ternin blue
2 much drugs and food 4 u
so y not share
show the world u care
time 2 make a difrinse
dont ignore theese hints
the end is growing closer evry day
go live ur life
get out of the bay

:o:o:o:o

Comments

  • fanglekaifanglekai Regular
    edited September 2010
    brandon wrote: »
    ok so this is a poem or rap that i made its called 2 much feel free 2 leeve comints or tel me wut 2 say and maybe on a post :o:o:o:o:o:o

    2 much 2 much
    ur out of tuch with reelality
    treetin life like a fermality
    eatin bergers and drinking soda
    its 10am u alredy filed ur calery qwota
    but u keep pushing it
    take the junk away u throw a fit
    seling drugs and taking money
    steeling from kids u think its funy
    cant go play frisby
    u lye u say ur bisy
    cus ur at home doing glue
    then get adicted 2 chew
    good mood ternin blue
    2 much drugs and food 4 u
    so y not share
    show the world u care
    time 2 make a difrinse
    dont ignore theese hints
    the end is growing closer evry day
    go live ur life
    get out of the bay

    :o:o:o:o

    This is actually really good. You cover a lot of topics - drug abuse, obesity, isolation and depression. You also bring up avoidance and social anxiety or simply the harms of drug addiction when you say "u lye u say ur bisy". It's interesting to note the drug abuse linked with obesity, the person here eats tons of junk food and does drugs, both of which are harmful for the body. Then we see the lying to cover up these issues.

    Your ending is quite nice. You offer hope and a possible solution: "time 2 make a difrinse / dont ignore theese hints / the end is growing closer evry day / go live ur life". These provide a sense of closure at least from the point of view of the speaker because you've said your piece and can only hope that the person who is overeating and doing drugs will listen and improve his/her life.

    Inspirational.
  • bornkillerbornkiller Administrator In your girlfriends snatch
    edited September 2010
    Keeping track of ones poetic format is like seeing more within the poet themselves.
    As fanglekai has previously mentioned. You cover many subjects which may not directly reflect you in general but subliminally without your knowledge leaves you exposed.
    Not in a negative perspective, but a more deep emotional side of you that is trying to escape those enclosed prison walls you call life.
    Your poetic renderings are truly inspirational to all fat fuckers out there brandon well done.
    Keep up the good diet.:thumbsup:
  • bornkillerbornkiller Administrator In your girlfriends snatch
    edited September 2010
    We should setup a blog for all your poetry brandon.
    If that's cool?
    I'll wait for your consent first. :thumbsup:
  • fanglekaifanglekai Regular
    edited September 2010
    I'd love to see that. I want a compendium of his poetry to peruse at my leisure while sipping bordeaux and nibbling aged cheese.
  • DysgraphiaDysgraphia Locked
    edited September 2010
    Mediocre dictation.
  • fanglekaifanglekai Regular
    edited September 2010
    Poetry isn't dictation. :o
  • DysgraphiaDysgraphia Locked
    edited September 2010
    fanglekai wrote: »
    Poetry isn't dictation. :o

    I meant 'diction'.

    Sorry for the typo.
  • fanglekaifanglekai Regular
    edited September 2010
    Diction is done with the tip of the tongue and the top of the teeth. It also only applies to "spoken word" poetry. Aside from that minor problem, brandon's spelling is phonetic, so anyone could read this with a normal pronunciation fairly easily.
  • DysgraphiaDysgraphia Locked
    edited September 2010
    fanglekai wrote: »
    Diction is done with the tip of the tongue and the top of the teeth. It also only applies to "spoken word" poetry. Aside from that minor problem, brandon's spelling is phonetic, so anyone could read this with a normal pronunciation fairly easily.

    Sike.

    I had trouble following his rhythm.

    Edit; also diction is the type of vocabulary the author uses. It doesn't uphold to verbally spoke literature.
  • fanglekaifanglekai Regular
    edited September 2010
    I always think of diction as how one speaks rather than the words themselves. Interesting to see it means both things. I've never heard it used that way, so I learned something new today after all.


    dic·tion
       /ˈdɪkʃən/ Show Spelled[dik-shuhn] Show IPA
    –noun
    1. style of speaking or writing as dependent upon choice of words: good diction.
    2. the accent, inflection, intonation, and speech-sound quality manifested by an individual speaker, usually judged in terms of prevailing standards of acceptability; enunciation.
  • Gary OakGary Oak Regular
    edited September 2010
  • DysgraphiaDysgraphia Locked
    edited September 2010
    There was no need to get tSwifty involved.
  • fanglekaifanglekai Regular
    edited September 2010
    Agreed. Don't mess up the epic win that is brandon's thread.
  • Gary OakGary Oak Regular
    edited September 2010
    I am sincerely sorry. I am completely envious of brandon. You see, my dream was to be a great rapper/poet/visionary like brandon, but I just don't have the skills. Please forgive me brandon.
  • DysgraphiaDysgraphia Locked
    edited September 2010
    Nah, you should apologize to tSwifty instead.

    Go on.

    She's waiting.
  • Gary OakGary Oak Regular
    edited September 2010
    She looks like an alien.
  • fanglekaifanglekai Regular
    edited September 2010
    She is one.
  • DysgraphiaDysgraphia Locked
    edited September 2010
    Arghhhhhhh
  • fanglekaifanglekai Regular
    edited September 2010
    No it's more like OOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!!!!!!!!
  • MayberryMayberry Regular
    edited September 2010
    I heard alien sex feels outta this world! :o
  • fanglekaifanglekai Regular
    edited September 2010
    brandon what is spase sex like?
  • Gary OakGary Oak Regular
    edited September 2010
  • fanglekaifanglekai Regular
    edited September 2010
    That answers that question I guess.
  • brandonbrandon Regular
    edited September 2010
    guys thanx 4 all the suport ok so anyways ya u can make a blog but i am not very teck savy so idk how 2 run it so u will hafta but thanx 4 ur suport this plase is cool unlike zoklet were i get band 4 showing the truth :o:o:o:o:o
  • fanglekaifanglekai Regular
    edited September 2010
    u r wai kewl, brandon. wil u sine a buk fur me?
  • brandonbrandon Regular
    edited September 2010
    2elwdir.jpg

    ya here u go i no its not a doler but i dont wanna ruin a good 1 and have the cops chase me down 4 mesing up property they r alredy trying 2 always cach me and my frind under the brige wen we smoke cigerets :o:o:o:o:o:o
  • fanglekaifanglekai Regular
    edited September 2010
    wow thanx!!!
  • brandonbrandon Regular
    edited September 2010
    fanglekai wrote: »
    wow thanx!!!

    ur welcim :o
  • Gary OakGary Oak Regular
    edited September 2010
    ily brandon:o:o:o:o
  • fanglekaifanglekai Regular
    edited September 2010
    He's the best poster here.
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