Am I Going About this Right?
StephenPBarrett
Adviser
Not quite a month ago I met this girl whom I work with and we just kinda hit it off. This other coworker had gotten her number and had been bothering her all day then wanted to give her a ride home. She was thoroughly creeped out so she asked me to walk her home. Instead we walked around town, hanging out in a couple of the cemeteries and talked all night.
Since then we've been hanging out almost every day. I'm a hopeless romantic and so of course after a week I started thinking I was in love. I've learned keep those kind of thoughts in check though and play it cool so as not to scare the dookie out of any possible mates. The past few nights either she has slept here or I've slept at her place.
Here's the problem: She just moved here from another state and has a boyfriend back home. She calls him on the phone every once in a while but then says he never has anything to say that isn't bad news/depressing. There is a strong possibility that he will be going to jail soon for a very long time because of a urine mix up (stupid parole officer). On top of that the other night she offhandedly mentioned that she doesn't think they'll last too long.
I don't want to force her to do anything she doesn't want to so we don't have sex or even make out because she refuses to cheat on him. However we do spoon and give each other little kisses while doing so. I don't have a problem with this actually and she says that she should but it feels so right and that's the only odd thing about it. I've decided to just wait it out a bit and keep playing my cards until she breaks up with him. It shouldn't be too long. I wouldn't even bother with any of this but I actually like this girl and hope to date her, not just fuck her. Am I going about this right? Is there something else I could be doing that would better my situation?
Since then we've been hanging out almost every day. I'm a hopeless romantic and so of course after a week I started thinking I was in love. I've learned keep those kind of thoughts in check though and play it cool so as not to scare the dookie out of any possible mates. The past few nights either she has slept here or I've slept at her place.
Here's the problem: She just moved here from another state and has a boyfriend back home. She calls him on the phone every once in a while but then says he never has anything to say that isn't bad news/depressing. There is a strong possibility that he will be going to jail soon for a very long time because of a urine mix up (stupid parole officer). On top of that the other night she offhandedly mentioned that she doesn't think they'll last too long.
I don't want to force her to do anything she doesn't want to so we don't have sex or even make out because she refuses to cheat on him. However we do spoon and give each other little kisses while doing so. I don't have a problem with this actually and she says that she should but it feels so right and that's the only odd thing about it. I've decided to just wait it out a bit and keep playing my cards until she breaks up with him. It shouldn't be too long. I wouldn't even bother with any of this but I actually like this girl and hope to date her, not just fuck her. Am I going about this right? Is there something else I could be doing that would better my situation?
Comments
wtf man? Cemeteries?
Anyway, ask her why she doesn't break up with him over the phone and then date you? If she's serious about actually dating you, she'll do it. Wait one more week, then ask her about it. Don't wait around wasting your time. She'll just use you as an emotional tampon.
cannot believe I missed it the first time, LOL
OP; you'd doing every time right, chill with her and wait for her to hint at the issue to indicate shes comfortable with it (however make it entirely clear that you see a potential relationship forming). Surprisingly your in a position in which should you play your cards right, its going to go very very well for you. The whole trust + contrast to jerk coworker will favour you soon brah!
Cemeteries: According to my mother its a long standing southern tradition, personally her telling me this is the first I've heard of it. I get bored sometimes and go to a cemetery. I look at the gravestones and enter the public mausoleums and am grateful to be alive. I was thinking about it when we passed the cemetery on the way to her house and was surprised that she suggested it. Maybe its weird but that isn't anything that hasn't been said about me a million times over. There are a lot of old cemeteries around here.
I think you're right about this. Wait another week and talk to her about it. Her boyfriend might be going to jail for a few years soon, I'd hate to wish that on someone and he doesn't seem like a bad person but that would certainly make things easier for me. Thanks for the advice.
I'm usually bad with talking to girls about this kinda stuff but I think I wont have a problem with it this time. I'm comfortable enough I think.
That said, if it does work out, take it very slowly. If she's just getting out of a relationship she might either try to rush things to get over the guy and ruin your chances of a good relationship, or she'll want time to be single and slut it up or just bitch & moan.
I hope she breaks up with this guy and realizes you're worth her time. That'd be nice. If not, molotov everything and murder/suicide.
I highlighted a few things. This chick fucking wants you man, so why the fuck are you acting like a tard. You don't want to force something? Pussy!
I'm going to say this straight out man. Whatever a woman says means shit. They are mostly confused and haven't a clue what they want. However, their actions tell the truth.
She lets you sleep over at her house, sleeps at your house, spoons with you, little kisses, says it feels right even though she knows she shouldn't be doing those things with you.
Here's what you're not seeing. She has be sleeping over hoping that you'd make a move. She thought maybe you weren't comfortable at her house, and that's why you didn't make your move; so she went to your house. She wants you to take things further by letting you spoon with her, she's hoping you'll take it the rest of the way.
With women, it's all about justification and accountability. See, if you make the push, then it's not her fault she slipped up. Soon after, her guilt will end the relationship with her bf, and you will have successfully stole her like the cave men of the past. Just let her slide the blame onto you and off her conscience, and you my friend will now have a new gf.
In my experience, I've had many women tell me they don't want to have sex, blah, blah, blah, but when the foreplay starts and then the penetration, they never say no. It's just a BS front so that they don't feel like sluts. Don't feel guilty about making a move. They want you too, and will say no and push you off if they really mean it.
Fucking this :thumbsup:
He went to jail last night for trying to cash a fraudulent check for $15K :facepalm:
Fanglekai: Let's all hope the current ex commits a murder/suicide in jail. Double awesome & double Totse win.
Btw Master and fanglekai were bang on. Long distance relationships don't work.
I would jizz in my pants if that happened.
Good job man. Good to hear the advice worked out. When will the, " TOTSE got me laid." shirts be ready?