Fear of going insane.. help please :)
abusername
Regular
Hey guys heres a little background info, I'll try keep it as short as possible. EDIT: Sorry for making it so long, I just want to give you guys the correct picture. I really hope one of you reads this and can help me out here!
I'm 18 at the moment, was diagnosed with anxiety and depression at 15 or 16, can't remember.
I've smoked pot pretty heavily from the ages of 15-18 though I have had numerous times where I have quit and long periods of time where I have gone without smoking it (6 month breaks and such). At the moment I am smoking it every day.
In the last 2 years or so I've become a bit of a hypochondriac(I can easily admit it and even when I am really worried about something irrational - I always know it's me being a stupid prick in the back of my mind.. that doesn't help though) and at first I was very worried about my heart and always thinking I was going to have a heart attack, I would get panic/anxiety attacks and my heart would beat very fast and such. (So I guess it's not that delusional that I would worry, right?
My anxiety attacks would be so bad that my pulse would easily reach 120+ when I was sitting down.. it was quite traumatic and I don't think it was wrong for me to think I may have had heart problems)
I eventually got over that and was pretty O.K for a while.. then about 3 months ago I got tinnitus(Constant ringing tone in the ear 24/7 non stop), I started to become very stressed about that and thought I may have a brain tumor or something to that effect. It wasn't that rational because I was thinking it has to be the worst thing possible, I didn't want to believe it was something less.. well I did, but my emotions didn't if you get what I mean.
Because of that I got a MRI, everything checked out 100% okay and all of my fears of brain tumor and such were gone, I have learned to live with my tinnitus and had tests done (they can't find what's wrong.. i'm stuck with it..)
So now that you have the backstory, onto what the post is actually about. Sorry for this being so long!
Just yesterday I've started to worry I may go crazy, probably from smoking too much pot. I can't get my mind off the fact that I think I am going to go crazy or that I am in the process of going crazy. By crazy I mean schizophrenic/psychotic or something like that.
The rational part of me is saying that I wouldn't go crazy because I am simply not the type of person to go crazy.. then saying well if I was crazy I wouldn't be worried about going crazy.. I've also read that people with anxiety are more in contact with reality than normal people so I thought that might be a reason as to why I would not go crazy too.
Then on the otherside, I do lots of things that are FOR me going crazy. I am not a really social person (Though I do go and see all my friends at least once a week, I live with my parents so I see them every single day(though I do sit in my room quite a bit) and I am what you might call something like "home schooled" at the moment so I don't really leave the house much at all. I do my schoolwork, get stoned, play video games and watch documentaries and such on the television, that's about it.
I realize that it's a very unhealthy way to live physically, mentally and spiritually but it's just the way I do at the moment.. I feel safe, secure and happy. I really do need to get a job and shit because I really think all of these worries are because I have been so isolated(by choice) in the last 2 years.
I also have a very wild imagination and imagine all sorts of situations/things from things that may happen in every day life/to random weird situations of things that would never happen such as a zombie Apocalypse etc, though when I am imagining all these imaginary things, I am very aware that it is all in my mind and not real. While I imagine conversations in my head I am never participating in the conversation or anything.. I certainly do NOT talk to myself or anything like that.. I just imagine all these weird things.. I guess my brain does it out of boredom and the fact that I'm high makes me imagine things more?
But I'm still really worried.. I feel like even if I quit marijuana completely starting tomorrow that I could go crazy or that I am already going crazy.. but on the otherhand I feel as if my mind is so strong and that I am so close to reality that I could never go crazy, I would never let irrational thoughts into my mind and actually believe them. I feel as if my mind is far too strong and that I am not the type of person to go crazy.
So guys if any of you actually read that, thankyou. Is there anything you guys can say from looking at what I've said (don't be afraid to ask further questions if you need too) to reassure me I am not going crazy or will not go crazy?
I am pretty sure all of my problems stem from using marijuana so much in such a negative way(I abuse it.. people shouldn't use it like I do.. I use it as a escape) so if you think the pot needs to go by all means tell me..
Thanks heaps guys!! Can't wait for a reply.. just writing all this shit out and looking at it made me feel a lot better and like I'm not going crazy, I'm just a overanxious pussy. lol
I'm 18 at the moment, was diagnosed with anxiety and depression at 15 or 16, can't remember.
I've smoked pot pretty heavily from the ages of 15-18 though I have had numerous times where I have quit and long periods of time where I have gone without smoking it (6 month breaks and such). At the moment I am smoking it every day.
In the last 2 years or so I've become a bit of a hypochondriac(I can easily admit it and even when I am really worried about something irrational - I always know it's me being a stupid prick in the back of my mind.. that doesn't help though) and at first I was very worried about my heart and always thinking I was going to have a heart attack, I would get panic/anxiety attacks and my heart would beat very fast and such. (So I guess it's not that delusional that I would worry, right?
My anxiety attacks would be so bad that my pulse would easily reach 120+ when I was sitting down.. it was quite traumatic and I don't think it was wrong for me to think I may have had heart problems)
I eventually got over that and was pretty O.K for a while.. then about 3 months ago I got tinnitus(Constant ringing tone in the ear 24/7 non stop), I started to become very stressed about that and thought I may have a brain tumor or something to that effect. It wasn't that rational because I was thinking it has to be the worst thing possible, I didn't want to believe it was something less.. well I did, but my emotions didn't if you get what I mean.
Because of that I got a MRI, everything checked out 100% okay and all of my fears of brain tumor and such were gone, I have learned to live with my tinnitus and had tests done (they can't find what's wrong.. i'm stuck with it..)
So now that you have the backstory, onto what the post is actually about. Sorry for this being so long!
Just yesterday I've started to worry I may go crazy, probably from smoking too much pot. I can't get my mind off the fact that I think I am going to go crazy or that I am in the process of going crazy. By crazy I mean schizophrenic/psychotic or something like that.
The rational part of me is saying that I wouldn't go crazy because I am simply not the type of person to go crazy.. then saying well if I was crazy I wouldn't be worried about going crazy.. I've also read that people with anxiety are more in contact with reality than normal people so I thought that might be a reason as to why I would not go crazy too.
Then on the otherside, I do lots of things that are FOR me going crazy. I am not a really social person (Though I do go and see all my friends at least once a week, I live with my parents so I see them every single day(though I do sit in my room quite a bit) and I am what you might call something like "home schooled" at the moment so I don't really leave the house much at all. I do my schoolwork, get stoned, play video games and watch documentaries and such on the television, that's about it.
I realize that it's a very unhealthy way to live physically, mentally and spiritually but it's just the way I do at the moment.. I feel safe, secure and happy. I really do need to get a job and shit because I really think all of these worries are because I have been so isolated(by choice) in the last 2 years.
I also have a very wild imagination and imagine all sorts of situations/things from things that may happen in every day life/to random weird situations of things that would never happen such as a zombie Apocalypse etc, though when I am imagining all these imaginary things, I am very aware that it is all in my mind and not real. While I imagine conversations in my head I am never participating in the conversation or anything.. I certainly do NOT talk to myself or anything like that.. I just imagine all these weird things.. I guess my brain does it out of boredom and the fact that I'm high makes me imagine things more?
But I'm still really worried.. I feel like even if I quit marijuana completely starting tomorrow that I could go crazy or that I am already going crazy.. but on the otherhand I feel as if my mind is so strong and that I am so close to reality that I could never go crazy, I would never let irrational thoughts into my mind and actually believe them. I feel as if my mind is far too strong and that I am not the type of person to go crazy.
So guys if any of you actually read that, thankyou. Is there anything you guys can say from looking at what I've said (don't be afraid to ask further questions if you need too) to reassure me I am not going crazy or will not go crazy?
I am pretty sure all of my problems stem from using marijuana so much in such a negative way(I abuse it.. people shouldn't use it like I do.. I use it as a escape) so if you think the pot needs to go by all means tell me..
Thanks heaps guys!! Can't wait for a reply.. just writing all this shit out and looking at it made me feel a lot better and like I'm not going crazy, I'm just a overanxious pussy. lol
Comments
icwutudidthar
But seriously, more pot will make it worse.
you've smoked some herb and you think your losing your shit.
try define: 'sanity' to yourself before losing sleep over 'going insaine'
OP: you do not have a personality disorder.
Ok firstly, your 18 - if these so call 'symptom's are in any way related to cannabis - you are supposed to be loosing your shit at this age, if you need to assign reasoning (lol) to your life. Either stop smoking pot and revert to your comfortable little paradigm of whats considered 'normal' thought processing. Secondly; diagnosed? - this word is thrown around FAR too fucking much. Your a human fucking being. And for your own benefit, just entirely disregard the whole 'story' that you have crafted yourself to describe to TOTSE/YOURSELF/PSYCHS.... because thats just going to compound your shit, who gives a fuck where your head was when you were 15. You may share a certain % of the same body with that person, but your not that person.
believe me, i've seen the dark side of the mind. I've been a heavy hypochondriac at a point in my life as well, 'depression', 'anxiety', herp derp. When I started smoking pot, my ego was thrown around to the point where i thought i was going 'insane' too - i went to psychiatrists too. I really can't read your entire post because all i can see is 'herp derp' 'herp derp', but i'm 100% sure your not special and thousands have been there before you.. if you can't handle life without lines on a map, then don't use psychoactives... everything you are experiencing is normal, your not insane.
18 year old quitting bud for a year just as an 'experiment' ? :thumbsdown:
this is terrible advice. proper pills? haha; come on all, let's 'medicate' :facepalm:
OP; a thousand years ago, these 'strange thoughts/experiences' were considered shamanic - whats changed brah? whats changed?
Science
thats what the multinational pharmaceutical corporate interest WANT you to think brah!
(fucks with all this 'logic' in this thread?)
Please don't turn into Chester
if you are genuinely bitching about pot making you think a little differently.
1. Stop smoking
2. Socialize, buy a plant (NOT PSYCH)/dog/whatever.
3. Implement some measures of 'control' (Schedules, rituals, w/e)
- . re-evaluate
4. Seek council from friends or family
5. Seek council from 'professionals'
6. Suicide
7. Start medicating on pharmaceuticals.
After thinking it over and looking at your responses I realize I'm not going crazy but yeah.. the weed does seem to be making my anxiety quite a bit worse and is leading me to worry about things like this (as well as my heart/brain in the past)..
But on the other hand it is the ONLY sure quick fix for when I feel sad. Sure I can go get a job, work hard, get a girlfriend and start hanging with my mates all the time but that kind of thing takes a while to happen.. not to mention I have to finish my exams before I start looking for work
I am going to have to quit marijuana as obviously in the state of mind I am in at the moment I can not use it responsibly or positively.. hopefully I can change the way I am though because marijuana is one of the things in life I really love.
I think I'm going to quit quite slowly because all the other times I've quit it's been cold turkey and that has NOT worked.. even after the 6 month quit which started with going cold turkey, I was still wanting to have a smoke. I think I need to quit smoking pot/improve the quality of my life at the same time and gradually decrease/increase them together if you know what I'm saying.
I am literally so mentally addicted to marijuana at the moment that if I'm not occupied(main reason) and sit in my room without any pot I get frustrated/ticked off extremely easily.. It is literally the only escape/thing that makes me feel good in my life at the moment. If you guys can offer any advice on helping to reduce the dependence I have on pot that would be awesome..
So any more words of wisdom/kind words? Thanks heaps again guys.. didn't expect so much help!
I think I forgot to put in my other posts that I would never ever willingly take "medication" for my anxiety/depression, for multiple reasons.
I have tried medication in the past and all it did was make me feel weird, like I wasn't me.. it was a very scary feeling
I did a shit load of ecstasy/random prescription drugs when I was 16ish and ended up getting put in hospital for taking the wrong combination of pills, I now have a extreme fear of pills/drugs in general.. I don't even take painkillers anymore! (Marijuana is the only drug I am not afraid of but it actually took me quite a while to get over having panic attacks when I got stoned.. that started happening after I took the wrong combination of pills and had to go to the hospital..)
That and the fact that anti depressants/anti anxiety pills and such can do all sorts of horrible things to you/make you dependent on them for the rest of your life and such.. they are MUCH worse than marijuana in my eyes.. just in a different way.. if you believe differently by all means try to change my mind..
So yeah medication is not a option for me.. I simply would not be able to take it without freaking out every single time I swallowed a pill/started feeling the effects..
I also really hate the doctor who "diagnosed" me with anxiety/depression.. it has really made me change the way I think about myself and the way I deal with everything in life.. truely in the back of my mind I don't believe I have clinical depression(though I am a very anxious person, I can live with that though), I just think I have fucked up emotions from the way I have been living my life for the past few years.. I really wish that doctor never "diagnosed" me though as it's made me put such a stigma on myself ever since then.. I feel like theres something horribly wrong with me, like I'm a failed human being or have a defect or something. Modern medicine is fucked.
Plus if shit hits the fan, just molotov everything :hai:
I smoke a lot, and when I do eventually break the cycle I can observe dramatic change in thought patterning the very next day, let alone a week later.
Your consumption is the denominator, play around with it and you'll see everything in a whole new light. :thumbsup:
But yeah if I actually started to lose my mind from smoking marijuana would it be a gradual process or the sort of thing where I wake up one morning completely bonkers? If it was gradual would I be able to realize there is something wrong happening to me or would I be completely ignorant of it? Is going mad the sort of thing that can be stopped in it's tracks and even reversed if it's caught early?
I'm going to try and completely quit in 2 weeks.. is there any way you guys can reassure me that I won't go crazy in that 2 weeks of smoking pot? I know that sounds like a incredibly stupid thing to ask but with my anxiety and the way my brain works.. it would help.
I think if I can chill the fuck out and just slowly cut down on my bud while knowing I am not going to go crazy and would have to smoke for yearrrrrss to go crazy it would help me quit.. if over this 2 weeks I still feel like I'm going crazy I believe I'll probably end up going "Oh fuck it I'm already fucked in the head, what use is quitting now"
God I just read that and it sounds so fucking stupid. Anxiety what have you done to me :mad:
Thanks again guys and for not calling me names
the plant will not cause insanity.
I'm quite aware that the entire world is insane but I'm worried about going "crazy".. as in losing control over my mind/thoughts, having hallucinations, being delusional about things etc.
Just clarifying
Whatever you do refuse all medication. For years I was on the highest doses of Anti psychotics and lithium and shit allowable and Ive never felt the same since. That shit destroys the brain bro. I'm serious those meds did more damage than any psychosis. BTW I didnt seek psychs by choice. God damn mental hospital made me take that shit and I kept on it after I got out thinking it would help.
The entire motive behind the employment of psycho actives is to lose control of your thoughts, become delusional and have hallucinations. I understand the anxiety towards 'losing control' (I think 'self' is a huge factor here) and it really is a simple fix - don't use psychoactives.
Just keep in mind. 'Sanity' is a very loose consensus and it really is no wonder why psychoactives are still schedule 1 - It's hard to perpetuate consumer capitalism when we a populous is delusional (?)
tl:dr; it is imperative that either you harden up and accept the 'insanity' that comes with the plant or you stop using it. It's really simple. :thumbsup:
If you can possibly explain the "insanity" that is supposed to come along with marijuana to me then I can stop fearing it because I will be able to say O.K, this is not me going mad it's simply the effects of marijuana.. do you just mean when my mind wanders and I imagine things or something more?
I suppose the onlllyyy mental sign that makes me feel as if there could be something wrong with me is when I'm really high and I imagine all sorts of strange things. Sometimes they are everyday things, like imagining a party that I have missed out on and what it could be like. Sometimes it's weird random shit that would never happen(I'm always very aware of this.. I don't have delusional thoughts..).. I know I already went over this but yeah just repeating myself..
Is that just because I'm blazed as fuck and my mind isn't occupied or..? I mean theres nothing wrong with having a healthy imagination right?
But yeah my other questions from my other post are the ones I really want answered.. like would I realize if I was going mad or would I just wake up one morning insane and such.. would I be able to realize there is something wrong going on and make changes to completely stop it or is insanity something you can't fight against?
It's just a bonus now if you guys answer these questions because I already understand that I have nothing wrong with me (Besides too much pot smoking and anxiety!) and am not going crazy unless I abuse pot for years to come.
So thanks for putting my mind at ease and for answering any of these extra questions I have
This thread really is concrete evidence that you need to stop your consumption, stop your consumption, stop your consumption.
The effects of cannabis is like the effects of the basking in the sun. You hang around too long, your going to get burnt.
Oh shit you sound like my health teacher. Alcohol is a depressant in the sense that it depresses your CNS not that it makes you depressed:facepalm:
Also forgot to add before - my family has never had a history of mental illness whatsoever, never. We have anxiety and hypochondria though.. what a surprise >_>
How many bongs do you guys think I should start trying to cut down to today? I haven't had any yet but I usually smoke easily 10-25.. I was thinking of trying to go with 3 or something.. I feel like shit without weed though! Shit sucks man.
I'm not sure if you have but have you considered taking a psychedelic of some kind? An introspective journey may be what you need.
Exactly. You need your nervous system to stay active. The last thing you need is for levels of substances like serotonin and dopamine messed up. Alcohol will give you a quick fix to push you into the 'inhibition of judgment' stage, but over the long term, it will mess you up if you're already having problems.
Not really considered it no, I believe it would be a very stupid move because it's taking a "quick fix"
Sure I could have a awesome spiritual journey and come out of it a better person for the rest of my life, the problems I have instantly solved
OR I could have a bad trip and end up losing my mind/locked in a looney bin rubbing my shit all over the walls for the rest of my life.
If I was going to ever take a real psychedelic it would be when I'm older, wiser and more mature.
I'd rather fix my problems the normal way at the moment
might also lead him to suicide too...
either way, you won't be the same person when you return. Psychedellics will rock your fucking world to pieces and it's up to you to rebuild it.
oh wait - heres a half decent analogy.
Treat cannabis like you treat the weight room. You spend a very small point in time under tension, whether thats your muscular system or your mind. The rest is rebuilding.
Imo opinion psychedelics will do nothing but good if your prepared for them. Tim Leary used them on suicidal patients and had amazing results. I almost freaked out on shrooms once but regained control. If you remain in control you'll be fine. now dont EVER do them if your not used to an altered state of mind. I recommend doing DXM and morning glory first to get a small taste of what it's like. Psych's were the best experience of my life.
I keep having this shitty feeling that there is no point in quitting marijuana because there is already something wrong with my brain.. I don't know why as it's obviously irrational but I am still having this feeling.. There is nothing wrong with me besides anxiety though and this is all my mind playing tricks, correct?
You guys reaffirming those statements would really help me feel heaps better at the moment.
Thanks heaps for all the replies guys you have no idea how much you have helped! I feel much better about the whole situation than I did yesterday or the day before. Then again I'm not high today yet so.. :P
Perhaps use the extra money to buy yourself something, maybe that'll cheer you up :hai:
this really is the firmest (longest, hard... erh) advice in this thread. You need to stop smoking, if only for a month or two. You need to rediscover your true north and re-evaluate what role the plant will play in the future.
Your anxiety is entirely provoke by cannabis abuse, i don't doubt it for a moment.
It's funny this thread should show up, a friend of mine is very addicted and I had a really good chat to him last night that he can in fact, exist without it. I've binged a lot and at points it's hard to associate your 'self' outside of the experience of using pot, but believe me, you will survive :thumbsup:
keep fucking posting mate, any question is better to be asked then left unspoken. Who cares if this thread is 10+ pages lets just get it right the first time.
Thanks bro that does help and I am going to quit hopefully completely in 2 weeks from today. Going to try and cut down heaps today as well.
And yeah I totally agree man, people who say Marijuana is not addictive are fucking retarded.. sorry but they really are. I've done ecstasy, speed, coke, all sorts of prescription meds etc.. nothing is addictive as Marijuana <mentally>.. at least for me.
I also find it has physical side effects such as not being able to eat when I'm not high. I will look at a full course meal when I'm not stoned and it's not even appetizing.. then I'll look at a crusty cheeseburger from McDonalds when I'm high and OH BABY.
But yeah I love Mary Jane.. I need to stop abusing her
The physical withdrawals will be mild at best, my biggest problem is loss of appetite.
Final note; you fell into this rut for a reason. Change your lifestyle. My suggestion would be exercise, i smoke frequently but I am always active. Try the same and it may work for you. Your going to have a rough time trying to cut down if you are a hermit.
Another suggestion I can give is keep yourself clean and tidy, take pride in yourself, frequent S&A - fanglekai has written some decent shit that can get anyone some attention from the opposite sex. Believe me MJ is a beautiful tool, but you need to have everything else in place to utilize it correctly.
I suppose the only questions I have left to ask are the ones in the thread that seem to be unanswered
1. Do you guys think I am going crazy at all? Do you think I am the sort of person to go crazy(If you can tell that over a computer)? I've been told I question things far too much and that anxiety is when a person is too close to reality so I wouldn't ever go crazy.. but still I worry.. do you guys think that worry is 100% completely unsubstantiated and it is 100% my anxiety and abuse of marijuana causing this and nothing else?
2. If I was in the process of going crazy, would I be able to tell? If I could tell would I be able to stop it? Is it something that happens suddenly, will I wake up one day and be schizophrenic or something or it doesn't work like that? If I practice meditation and strengthen my brain does that actually help at all or mental illness can not be fought against besides with medication?
3. I would basically have to abuse marijuana for years more and continue living a very unhealthy lifestyle to have any mental problems, correct? Basically what I am asking you is to confirm that I will not go crazy in the 2 weeks that it takes me to get off the pot completely.. I would just rather the "worrying about going crazy" feeling goes away now rather than in 2 weeks once I've completely quit. I realize how fucking silly/pathetic it is to ask you guys for confirmation on that but it would still make me feel heaps better if you guys could.
Hope you guys can answer those so that I can stop pestering you all. Thanks again
I think I can help you here. As I mentioned Ive been committed before I have an extensive history of Mental illness. (I tried to stab my step dad). Anyway you are not going crazy and Ill tell you why. A mentally Ill person can not recognize there going crazy when they are. If you think something is wrong then it could be an extremely early step but you arent crazy because you recognize something is wrong.
I know what it means to go crazy (hearing voices delusions suicidal and homicidal urges) all that and you are not bro. Sure it will feel off and "crazy when you stop at first but you ARE NOT insane. If you were insane you would not have made this thread. For a truly insane person they do not know they are crazy until after the episode is over if they ever do. You're fine man just recognize that you aren't a slave to a plant and find other things to occupy your time. I personally found fire arms. When I shoot it makes me calm or if I excersize it makes me calm. If your the type maybe read about religion. Basically just say fuck it and keep yourself busy. you'll be alright man and once you stop long enough you'll look back and lol at how dependent you were on bud. If you have anymore questions feel free to ask.
god damn son... you really do need some sort of clinical aid. Irregardless to cannabis, from the best I can tell you have already developed a disorder (I see so much of my younger self in this quote it scares me).
1. Anxiety is fucking kindergarden in comparison to the sum of irrationality that is this post. The fact that you are genuinely fearful of insanity to the point of consulting totse (Again, I've done it) - you need to take some bold action, most of what councilling or psychiatry can provide you can implement yourself with totse/google/willpower. But believe me, you are truely fucked right now (Not that scary is it?) You're at a point of rationality within mass irrationality, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. There is no ultimate 'insanity' to fear, you are not at risk.. what you are at risk of, however, is living with the same quality of life that lead you to creating this thread. You literally are at this point in time, in the deepest end.
2. As above, you are crazy - this is insanity. But it truly is only a single point in time, your shit will improve within 3 days, 1 week, 3 weeks..... so forth, within a month you will see for yourself how bad you let it go.
3. You are in no position to develop a mental illness and if you were, I would presume your MRI and consultations would have indicated otherwise.
Breathe, your fine :thumbsup: