Post An Autobiographical Story

GallowsGallows Regular
edited March 2011 in Spurious Generalities
Post an autobiographical story.

Here's mine:

A few years ago I had recently moved to a new location that was only a stone's throw from the beach. I decided to try to go to the next town by walking along the beach.

I had been walking for a few hours when the beach narrowed to only a few feet and snaked around a cliff that jutted into the ocean. When I reached the other side of the cliff, a dozen naked men met my eyes.

Apparently I had stumbled upon a small cove that was considered a 'nude beach.' I considered turning back, but I ultimately decided that I shouldn't let the naked men prevent me from reaching my goal.

I tried to act casual, but I don't think I did a good job. It was hard to act like nothing was out of the ordinary when they strutted past me with their sagging scrota.

I trudged on for another hour after I passed the nude beach. But then it started getting dark, and I realized I wouldn't reach my destination. I turned back, only to notice that the tide had come in and blocked my path.

But by some splendorous stroke of luck, I ended up meeting a girl on the beach, and she drove me home.

Comments

  • edited March 2011
    One morning I woke up feeling like a well known African-American rapper
    I proceeded to sanitize my mouth with alcohol, then I picked up my glasses and left the house
    I went and got a pedi, tried on some clothes, all the while being distracted by the ringing of gentleman callers on my cellular telephone.
    I drove in my convertible listening to some of my favorite songs and arrived at numerous parties and attempted to become intoxicated on alcoholic beverages.
    Don't stop, make it pop
    DJ, blow my speakers up
    Tonight, I'mma fight
    'Til we see the sunlight
    Tick tock on the clock
    But the party don't stop, no

    Don't stop, make it pop
    DJ, blow my speakers up
    Tonight, I'mma fight
    'Til we see the sunlight
    Tick tock, on the clock
    But the party don't stop, no

    Ain't got a care in world, but got plenty of beer
    Ain't got no money in my pocket, but I'm already here
    And now, the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger
    But we kick em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger

    I'm talking about everybody getting crunk, crunk
    Boys tryin' to touch my junk, junk
    Gonna smack him if he getting too drunk, drunk

    Now, now, we go until they kick us out, out
    Or the police shut us down, down
    Police shut us down, down
    Po-po shut us

    Don't stop, make it pop
    DJ, blow my speakers up
    Tonight, I'mma fight
    'Til we see the sunlight
    Tick tock on the clock
    But the party don't stop, no

    Don't stop, make it pop
    DJ, blow my speakers up
    Tonight, I'mma fight
    'Til we see the sunlight
    Tick tock on the clock
    But the party don't stop, no

    DJ, you build me up
    You break me down
    My heart, it pounds
    Yeah, you got me

    With my hands up
    You got me now
    You got that sound
    Yeah, you got me

    DJ, you build me up
    You break me down
    My heart, it pounds
    Yeah, you got me

    With my hands up
    Put your hands up
    Put your hands up

    Now, the party don't start 'til I walk in

    Don't stop, make it pop
    DJ, blow my speakers up
    Tonight, I'mma fight
    'Til we see the sunlight
    Tick tock on the clock
    But the party don't stop, no

    Don't stop, make it pop
    DJ, blow my speakers up
    Tonight, I'mma fight
    'Til we see the sunlight
    Tick tock on the clock
    But the party don't stop, no
  • GallowsGallows Regular
    edited March 2011
    One morning I woke up feeling like a well known African-American rapper
    I proceeded to sanitize my mouth with alcohol, then I picked up my glasses and left the house
    I went and got a pedi, tried on some clothes, all the while being distracted by the ringing of gentleman callers on my cellular telephone.
    I drove in my convertible listening to some of my favorite songs and arrived at numerous parties and attempted to become intoxicated on alcoholic beverages.
    How often do you push people to the edge of the sidewalk with your foot if they don't look like a British rock star?
  • edited March 2011
    Gallows wrote: »
    How often do you push people to the edge of the sidewalk with your foot if they don't look like a British rock star?

    No you don't wanna mess with us, got jesus on my neck-a-lace
  • edited March 2011
    In my tiny crappy private Catholic elementary school, in 4th grade, we had a little computer lab with some cheesy Macs. One day another kid tried to steal my pencil so I twisted his fingers up and hurt him...the computer teacher was a total bitch and gave me a detention.

    I waited until the last day of classes that year, months after it happened, and they'd forgotten it. On that day we always had to help clean shit for the summer/ next year like the boards and our classroom....I excused myself to the bathroom and stopped into the computer lab and smashed the hell out of half the computers. They didnt find it for a few hours and I got away without arousing suspicion
  • MayberryMayberry Regular
    edited March 2011
    I am who am mayberrysmilie.gif
  • LordWormLordWorm Regular
    edited March 2011
    One night when I was walking home to my lakeside mansion after eating dinner with president Bush at the Whitehouse, I was jumped on the street by 7 Mexican niggers. These motherfuckers were viscous, but I used my epic boxing and Muay Tai skills to take them all out at once. They ran off muttering something about how they were going to go gang rape this dude named BigHarryDick, whoever the fuck that is. I said whaateverrrrr and went to the liquor store to buy 7 liters of Everclear. While I was in the store, I saw FATTY_MCFUCKFACE and Spectral getting it on in the washroom, and I lol'd briefly. At about the same time, trx100 showed up and we left to do some epic night ops. The End.
  • ImmaChrgnMaLAZRImmaChrgnMaLAZR Regular
    edited March 2011
    In my tiny crappy private Catholic elementary school, in 4th grade, we had a little computer lab with some cheesy Macs. One day another kid tried to steal my pencil so I twisted his fingers up and hurt him...the computer teacher was a total bitch and gave me a detention.

    I waited until the last day of classes that year, months after it happened, and they'd forgotten it. On that day we always had to help clean shit for the summer/ next year like the boards and our classroom....I excused myself to the bathroom and stopped into the computer lab and smashed the hell out of half the computers. They didnt find it for a few hours and I got away without arousing suspicion

    Liek dis bro? :confused:


    ss_TripleCheesyMac&Cheese.jpg
Sign In or Register to comment.