Happy Birthday to me

Light the candles, blow the caves, it's a day to celebrate or is it? For me, I am not sure, the year has been okay. I wouldn't say it's remarkable, I mean sure I got few goals in place, I started working out which got my body in great shape (Working towards more muscles + lower body fat), I fixed some major issues with work and I still have a job and I do ace the University as well.

Yet, with everything, the void is still there. Slowly growing and mocking you with every hour, judging your actions and calling on your bullshit. It's enough to put a stop on things. Yet if harnessed and understood it can give you an insight into your problems and worries.

For me this year I have been mostly concerned about my parents, had nightmares, dreams about losing them. In fact they were so consistent that I think if something did happen to them, my shock and reaction would be subtle. It's like getting to terms with reality without it ever happening. It's the same with these special events.

A Bday happens, everyone is just happy and cheering you on but you're already over it. In fact you don't even think about it, since it reminds you of where you are and what will happen.

Honestly it's a bit depressing and I am the last person to get depressive about stuff, which comes in handy btw.

So, anyway, Happy Birthday to me, I do hope I learned enough lessons and lets hope I can accomplish something before the next event marker. With everything going nicely, you kinda get panicked about future. I honestly have no clue if I would exist long enough or I would end up being homeless. The only thing that I can do is, keep pushing forwards and make my own path.

So, again Happy Birthday to me.


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