a promise

Big baby jesusBig baby jesus Regular
edited July 2010 in Life
Where the concrete met your frame I must have seen fear. Interest and a promise made to help, a friendly gesture; love. Ramifications interact with doubt and my own inability to help myself. Can I back out of this promise now, I've only the heart of a girl who lost everything, only to break. No recourse or feeling now, where I have been and the disconnect so long felt is at hand. Though subverted I see the pain I inflict on others and withdraw into the self. Drawing conclusions, there must be hate where I could have formed love.

I just left her there. A look exchanged predicated that I had made a promise. I said nothing but entirely with will I encouraged her to follow. A homeless girl, among the bums and disease ridden alleyways from which no escape was apparent, and I promised to help. I had no job myself, no real home and just a place to crash. I could have taken her there, I could have helped. I could have shown love. Instead my own fear caused me to frantically back out of the promise I had made. I claimed to have nothing, no one, just because I felt through failure to attach. She cried and returned to the alley when I told her I couldn't help. She not only felt hopeless; I know she realized I had lied.

that's some true shit man...I pretty much hate myself over it now. She's actually back in my life, can you believe that? I can't hurt her anymore. I can't hurt anyone anymore.


  • Big baby jesusBig baby jesus Regular
    edited July 2010
    The fucked part is it's true, that's why I'm torn up as explained in the last sentences.
  • Big baby jesusBig baby jesus Regular
    edited July 2010
    I did go back and sit down beside her; offer her my place and to stay there and help her. I forgot about that part, still feel awful tho. This is a girl I was actually going to try and hook up with, then I remembered her face.
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