I getting out of touch.

Firemind

I feel like I'm being consumed by some a sort of enigma. I can't do anything about this anymore. I think I've been like this for too long, alone. Solitude is nice, but I am not alone enough. A few days ago, and even to now, my reflection(even under close observation) has grinned at me, face rotated ccw180 then cw180. I talk to him, but he's only reacted once to my words.
Sometimes, I think of girls and my past social interactions. The event is occurring right in front of me(feels like it). I don't care too much because they don't matter, I hate those people, they just make me feel emotions that aren't real. They make me weak.
I've been around these humans for 6 years, I've lost motivation from the social enfeeblement. Human presence does something to me, I feel hot, my blood is boiling, like I'm being stung by hundreds of bees. I know I should leave society, but I've lost the will from all this stuff. And if I stay I will be consumed like the child before me.

Daily

I understand what you're talking about, OP. You should feel privileged feeling like this because I know you are an observant person. Do not conform, mentally. Do what the best of us do, and keep your mask of sanity from slipping. Blend in. Manipulate ignorant humans for your own benefit so they'll realise how vulnerable they really are. Do not leave.

At least you're not crazy (psychiatrically anyway) and you know the difference between reality and fantasy. I'm not gonna say "we're all a little crazy" because we're not. Due to obvious factors regarding our dirty conformist society, it's pretty hard to say we're all unique as well. But you are. You've broken the acquiescent barrier. This is probably sounding like tripe motivational talk, and you're right, it is.

Stay with us.

BitterConflict

(If Life) could even worsen, (Then Id) release my burden/
(And try) to be the person, (Who writes) and speaks in perfect/
(Advice) for people hurtin, (Who cries) and fiends for nursing/
(And time) would be asserted, (To find) a decent purpose/
(But I) am weak and burdened, (I cry) and seek alertness/
(In life) to be the person, (Whos lines) are seen as perfect/
(I try) and seem so worthless, (That life) has demons lurkin/
(That I) defeat the purpose, (And Life) is seen as worthless/

song related.

Don't give up man. There's a few people out in the world that really care for you. You just got to look for them or probably there with you right now.

Firemind

I hope I didn't come off as suicidal.
I just realize, I am descending into the void. The sub-conscience is warring against me and I will destroy it. I cannot integrate within this society, regardless of country it all the same. I have a need to be what I really am, no more hiding. I can be what I really am out there. I am also not insane(crazy), I can become a real human, there's no giving up. It's not taking this "normal" bullshit.

I just feel I won't be able to leave society, because of the constant people screaming "blah! blah! blah!", bleeping cellphones, the sex. Oh... don't get me started on the sex, I've become so dependent. My true self is telling me to "stop, leave, depart from these damned memories, I will take over if it must be, human."
I may be scared, the predators of the wild will eat me slow, but I must live.

SHANE14

Firemind wrote: »

I hope I didn't come off as suicidal.
I just realize, I am descending into the void. The sub-conscience is warring against me and I will destroy it. I cannot integrate within this society, regardless of country it all the same. I have a need to be what I really am, no more hiding. I can be what I really am out there. I am also not insane(crazy), I can become a real human, there's no giving up. It's not taking this "normal" bullshit.

I just feel I won't be able to leave society, because of the constant people screaming "blah! blah! blah!", bleeping cellphones, the sex. Oh... don't get me started on the sex, I've become so dependent. My true self is telling me to "stop, leave, depart from these damned memories, I will take over if it must be, human."
I may be scared, the predators of the wild will eat me slow, but I must live.

Don't worry, more of us understand this than you could possibly think.

You just need to meet the right people

StephenPBarrett

I suggest taking a nice vacation somewhere. Leave your phone and your laptop behind and everything you depend on for media and communication. Get away to somewhere pleasant for a week or so. This helped me tremendously at a time when I was feeling very much the same way.

ScuD

humans are addicted to the lies that perpetuate our comfortable existence, all the while we are crying out for truth. so long as the truth doesn’t hurt. the only world we're are conditioned to cope with is the shadows that are cast from the real world, projected onto a wall in front of us. we may cry victim and ask desperately; "Oh god of gods, WHY have i been kept from the world, why have you given me only shadow puppets, flat and bland. please let me turn around and embrace the world" if man is free, then why is he everywhere in chains? the answer is simple, we cant handle the truth; biologically physiologically and sometimes even spiritually.

It sounds to me like maybe your are turning around. away from the circus, leave the tent. see what’s outside. there some HUMAN traits that do not deserve our distain. courage. curiosity. resolve. follow your nose. or your heart. maybe you just don’t belong where you stand. why is the past so real, when by the very stipulations that have been put onto and sustain my existence, suggest strongly that the past is not. i cannot affect it, it is not real to me, it has gone past. and the existing incriminating records of it only serve to mock us from a place we cannot tread.

The future is entirely different, i can dream it. awake or while i sleep. i can imagine it. i can behold it. the future existed in the past until what we are currently experiencing as the present, and we are now anticipating its presence in the moments to come. only this singular moment exists, and the future is its mother. the past is is killer. the choice is simple. life. or death. have you lost motivation, maybe your on the road to something new, a human force free from motivation; chaos. perhaps the human war against the natural world in the name of order and law, is something that you will not ever identify with. So what, go with it, who's going to stop you? god? lol

SHANE14

paragraphs, man

ScuD

SHANE14 wrote: »

paragraphs, man

i agree:facepalm:

OnTheFringe

you need to smoke a joint bro and chill out

SHANE14

ScuD wrote: »

i agree:facepalm:

thanks mang, quality post :thumbsup:

ScuD

OnTheFringe wrote: »

you need to smoke a joint bro and chill out

^THIS^ :thumbsup:

culinaryoverlord

Keep working on your "game face" though, I have spent 40 years on this planet and have seldom felt I was a part of anything greater than my own life. But you need to work, you still need the world in a physical sense, and developing a sub-personality that can deal with these things is a good idea. There are plenty of completely fucked up people all around you, that guy in a suit might just be 30 seconds from m. ass murder. If you can compartmentalize the aspects of your life that are nessacary, it gives you freedom to choose the slow spiral to hell, the golden path to enlightenment, or the tightrope inbetween(me). You also might like to consider that you may be experiencing the onset of schizophrenia, some of what you have written sounds familiar to me, mostly from a friend of mine that is schizophrenic.
Good Luck
C/O