Important life tips thread (no tip no post)

NumberjumboNumberjumbo Regular
edited April 2011 in Spurious Generalities
Here's how this works. You post your tip then post how you found it out.

1. Don't use Zippos for smoking weed :(

Yesterday my girlfriend got me a Zippo, so we decided to have a few hits with it. Tasted a bit gassy. Woke up this morning with a fucked throat, back pains, neck pains, horrible cough and lung raepage.

:(
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Comments

  • VizierVizier Regular
    edited July 2010
    2. Totse classic: Throw a piece of toilet paper in the water first before you take a dump. That way you avoid back splash and shit stains inside the toilet bowl.
  • mr.bluntmr.blunt Regular
    edited July 2010
    Vizier wrote: »
    2. Totse classic: Throw a piece of toilet paper in the water first before you take a dump. That way you avoid back splash and shit stains inside the toilet bowl.

    I do this every time.

    3. Carry a knife with you everywhere. Maybe it's just my lifestyle, but having a knife on hand 24/7 has gotten me out of some potentially sticky situations. Can also be applied to a lighter, regardless of whether you smoke or not.


    I'm not talking about fighting people off or any of that internet tough guy shit, I mean survival type scenarios or just everyday situations where a knife is helpful.
  • LSA KingLSA King Regular
    edited July 2010
    4. Don't use a Electric Razor to shave your nut sack. I cut my little gobbler back in high school doing this and it was a bleeder.

    4a. Don't use a Bic lighter, or any lighter for that matter, to fry your pubes. It burns. It smells. Not very pleasant, but is efficient.

    4b. Don't wait to long to shave your balls/longstick/bladder area. If you do trim it first with scissors and use a normal razor, I've never cut any part down there. Don't fear the razor 14-16 year olds.

    4c. Don't shave all the hair off either, it looks like a babys penis and if you're hairy you just feel like a fucking retard.
  • NumberjumboNumberjumbo Regular
    edited July 2010
    5. When you wake up and feel a cold/sore throat coming on, gargle with Listerine. That shit will be sweet az.
  • mr.bluntmr.blunt Regular
    edited July 2010
    Building off #5...

    6. Whenever you get a cough/cold/virus of any kind, get some Vitamin C tablets into you and before you go to bed, layer up. Wear a tshirt, sweater, underwear, pants (not jeans), and socks. It'll get toasty and sweaty and gross, but you'll wake up in the morning feeling like a million bucks having sweat all that shit out of you.
  • NightsideNightside Regular
    edited July 2010
    mr.blunt wrote: »
    Building off #5...

    6. Whenever you get a cough/cold/virus of any kind, get some Vitamin C tablets into you and before you go to bed, layer up. Wear a tshirt, sweater, underwear, pants (not jeans), and socks. It'll get toasty and sweaty and gross, but you'll wake up in the morning feeling like a million bucks having sweat all that shit out of you.

    6b) This + Vitamin D (sunlight) and garlic do WONDERS!!
  • LSA KingLSA King Regular
    edited July 2010
    7. Believe it or not, if you have athletes foot peeing in the shower helps. Learned it in Basic Training and it does work. Something in the urine (believe amonia) that helps just the same as it does against Jelly Fish stings.
  • GreenbullGreenbull Regular
    edited July 2010
    I was going to post this thread.

    8. Bread in the USA can be dated by the colour of the plastic tag

    Monday - blue
    Tuesday - green
    Thursday - red
    Friday - white
    Saturday - yellow

    So if you go in on thursday and get a white twist you're getting week old bread.

    9. Turn a sandwhich upside down and it will taste different (have a few bites first).

    10. How to eat a chicken wing http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBJV56WUDng
    (I just take the first bone out).

    11. If you have trouble taking pills put the water in your mouth first and then put the pill in and swallow.
  • NightsideNightside Regular
    edited July 2010
    LSA King wrote: »
    7. Believe it or not, if you have athletes foot peeing in the shower helps. Learned it in Basic Training and it does work. Something in the urine (believe amonia) that helps just the same as it does against Jelly Fish stings.

    Ammonia or Urea?
  • Name's TakenName's Taken Acolyte
    edited July 2010
    12. Around blacks never relax.
  • AKIRAAKIRA Regular
    edited July 2010
    Dont ever eat two feet of toilet paper
  • LSA KingLSA King Regular
    edited July 2010
    Nightside wrote: »
    Ammonia or Urea?


    Fuck if I know lol, I'm not a mad scientist I just know something in the urine nixes the chemical reaction caused on the skin. But yeah one of those or both sound logical.


    13. The old saying "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer" is accurate to a point. However, it's flawed. You know who your enemy is and therefore know it's coming. Your friends however will stab you in the back harder than your worst enemy ever could. All friends turn on you, it's just a matter of time. Treat people in life as business partners. Acquaintances for those with loose ties, and Associates for those whom you trust more. If they aren't your family they can't be trusted.
  • Brock SamsonBrock Samson Regular
    edited July 2010
    14. Poking a hole in your friend's condoms so he knocks up some bar skank may seem hilarious... But you won't know till you try it.

    15. Don't talk to cops.. ever.. about anything

    16. Drink whiskey.
  • LSA KingLSA King Regular
    edited July 2010
    17. The key to a perfect rape isn't about drugging the girl. It's about drugging yourself so when you rape the girl you can't remember in the morning and report to the police that you felt drugged. When they test you and find roofies in your system you may get lucky to get your rape victom locked up.
  • MantikoreMantikore Regular
    edited July 2010
    18. heat rub for a lube may seem like a good idea at the time, but it isnt
  • VizierVizier Regular
    edited July 2010
    19. In a fist fight, keep your thumb OUTSIDE your clenched fist.
  • edited July 2010
    Never let your guard down... it could be your downfall.
  • GreenbullGreenbull Regular
    edited July 2010
    20. Piss after sex and you're a lot less likely to get a UTI.
  • bornkillerbornkiller Administrator In your girlfriends snatch
    edited July 2010
    Assholes were made for pushing shit out, not in.
    Nothing personal HTS-Noob. :D
  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited July 2010
    22. Tramaol and other opiates make you last longer in bed
    23. In order to secure your car in a dodgy area, don't bother with a wheel-lock or other expensive shit - just remove the engine fuse. Voila, car won't start and 99% of niggers won't look to see if it's missing.
  • PigPig Regular
    edited July 2010
    24. Righty tighty, lefty loosey.
  • AnonymousAnonymous Regular
    edited July 2010
    25. Don't do stimulants before attempting to fuck someone. :o
  • LSA KingLSA King Regular
    edited July 2010
    26. Liquor before beer you're in the clear. Beer before liquor never been sicker.
  • metameta Regular
    edited July 2010
    27. Upon spilling a colored beverage on a carpet always blot and soak up, never wipe or scrub.
  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited July 2010
    28. If you have blood on linen, wash it with cold water and detergent in a sink. Hot water "locks" it in. (Taken from a lot of experience at Uni and half a duvet covered in blood)
  • MarijuanasaurusMarijuanasaurus Regular
    edited July 2010
    29. If you drop your phone in the toilet, put it in a bowl of rice. The rice will act as a desiccant and absorb the moisture out.
  • MarijuanasaurusMarijuanasaurus Regular
    edited July 2010
    30. You can get a hemorrhoid by smoking on the toilet. Dont do this.
  • MarijuanasaurusMarijuanasaurus Regular
    edited July 2010
    31. You can make your own alcohol with grape juice, sugar, and yeast. Best way to get drunk if youre under 21.
  • jamie madroxjamie madrox Sith Lord
    edited July 2010
    32. never spit/piss in the wind. try it if you don't believe me ;)
  • MarijuanasaurusMarijuanasaurus Regular
    edited July 2010
    33. Your mother is a filthy whore.
  • metameta Regular
    edited July 2010
    34. Let your car sit for at least 15 min. on a level surface before checking its motor oil.
  • Hammer TankHammer Tank Regular
    edited July 2010
    35. Free credit reports are NOT. read the small print!
  • jamie madroxjamie madrox Sith Lord
    edited July 2010
    36.^Offer implies with enrollment in triple advantage.
  • VizierVizier Regular
    edited July 2010
    37. Never cook eggs or bacon with too much cooking oil while wearing no shirt.
  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited July 2010
    Vizier wrote: »
    37. Never cook eggs or bacon with too much cooking oil while wearing no shirt.

    You don't really need that much oil anyway, especially if the bacon is fatty.

    38. You can make BBQ sauce with equal amounts of red and brown sauce, a dash of OJ, some salt, pepper and worcestershire sauce.

    39. Cook mushrooms in bacon fat in a frying pan. Tastes great!
  • VizierVizier Regular
    edited July 2010
    40. For a napkin to not get stuck under your beer mug or glass, sprinkle salt on the napkin. No more napkins stickied to the underside of your drink.
  • metameta Regular
    edited July 2010
    41. When having sex with a female rub your pelvis bone around her clitoris while in the missionary position. This makes female ejaculation much easier to achieve.
  • edited July 2010
    35. Free credit reports are NOT. read the small print!

    Yeah dude, credit reports are free if you get them from the government. Companies like free-credit-report make money by selling you shit that they (And that you could) get for free.
  • AnonymousAnonymous Regular
    edited July 2010
    42. Always make the female sign a written contract that you're not responsible for pregnancy or gained STD's.
  • TLVTLV Regular
    edited July 2010
    43. Buy shit in bulk, its cheaper.
    44. Scam free food of off restaurants whenever possible.


    I've got a massive poster on my harddrive somewhere, I'll find it later and post it.
  • metameta Regular
    edited July 2010
    45. If the service is shitty don't feel obligated to tip.
  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited July 2010
    46. To make a female squirt (in most cases, I have found) use your middle fingers (the middle one and the ring one), place them into the vagina, then lean over her, head at her head level, then start moving your hand up and down in a fast motion. You can also adjust the angle of your fingers, trying to curl them up and make a "come here" motion. Move your hands fucking fast, you might get tired, but hold on! Keep going and you'll either have a squirter of a fuckton of vag juice all over your hand and surface you are doing it on....put your cock in after. Bloody hell..plus you made her come and she'll love you forever, because women are like that...

    Edit - Pic, but with wrong fingers, so do one better than the pic and use the correct ones I have specified above.

    gspoty.jpg

    ps. Stimulate the clit as well...you'll be a legend...

    47. Girls, DON'T NEGLECT THE BALLS!
  • PigPig Regular
    edited July 2010
    48. When using self-checkout at a grocery store, ring up every piece of produce as bananas (PLU: 4011).
  • SnowmankillerSnowmankiller Semo-Regulars
    edited July 2010
    49. If you have any song stuck in your head, to get it out, think of any Queen song. Works every time. Except for if you have a Queen song stuck in your head, but then again, how is that a problem?
  • edited July 2010
    Wtf???? My post is gone????
  • LSA KingLSA King Regular
    edited July 2010
    Yeah we were at 90+ because I did 86-91. FFFUUUUUUUUUU that's why I never made long posts lol
  • edited July 2010
    It disappeared, reappeared (along with 60 more posts than the total of my post count) and re disappeared.
  • edited July 2010
    50. Don't like a Hispanic bitch's anus.

    I got fucking e coli
  • mashlehashmashlehash Regular
    edited July 2010
    51. Smoke some fucking weed!
  • Dr. AwkwardDr. Awkward Regular
    edited July 2010
    52. Too much is never enough. This can be applied to almost all situations.
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