Jump off of a building at least 5 stories. The taller the better. Should be relatively painless too.
5 stories is nothing. 20 stories and you can be pretty sure you're dead. But you're right, jumping off a tall building is the most foolproof method of suicide. Once you've jumped off a high enough building there's no way anybody could save you, including yourself if you get second thoughts. If you really wanna die, jump.
5 stories is nothing. 20 stories and you can be pretty sure you're dead. But you're right, jumping off a tall building is the most foolproof method of suicide. Once you've jumped off a high enough building there's no way anybody could save you, including yourself if you get second thoughts. If you really wanna die, jump.
The Awesome
Stand at the top of a tall structure and make sure that there is something relatively soft such as grass, or a sleeping fat person, below. You should preferably be on the edge of some kind of overhang, such as a bridge.
Next, tie cheese wire around your neck, tight enough that it won't slip off under tension but loose enough not to choke you. Remember, you don't want to die looking like a Michael Hutchence wannabe. Nobody wants to be Michael Hutchence. Even Hutchence hated it.
Anyway, tie the cheese wire to something solid on top of the structure. Make sure that there is a good six or seven feet of slack. Now stand at the edge and glue your hands to the side of your head. If you are under the age of 16, you may wish to get a responsible but sociopathic adult to help you. Wait until your hands are glued solidly to your head. This has the added advantage of stopping you from calling for help if you change your mind (you fucking pussy).
Now jump off the structure. It'll only hurt for a second, when the cheese wire runs out of slack and slices through your neck. The overhang should stop you from bashing your now-severed head against the wall of the structure when the cutting motion jerks your body backwards.
You should hopefully land face down, although this is really out of your hands by now. Unlike your head, which is glued to them. This has the excellent effect of causing whoever finds your body to think that you have pulled your head off.
Guaranteed to break the ice at parties!
The Awesome (Feat. Boom-Shaka-laka)
Kill yourself like a pro.
If you can't read, check out the pretty pictures instead!Same setup as "The Awesome" except one must prepare a basketball hoop at the bottom of the place of descent prior to the jump in the hopes of slam-dunking one's own face.
Guaranteed to break the ice at naughty parties!
The Other Awesome
Sandwich Chef knows how its done.
There is a market for self pwnage.Find a large building overlooking a park or other public area that can support a large number of people. In the middle of the day, douse yourself with gasoline, put on a suicide bomber vest, and do whatever it takes to attract a large crowd of people. Taking someone hostage and calling in all the news networks is a good method. Once there is a large crowd of people all watching intently, light yourself on fire and jump towards them. Try to aim for the center of the group. Once you're fifteen feet above them, detonate the vest. This will shower the crowd with flaming gibs.
Popular at weddings and bar mitzvahs!
The Double Awesome
A variation of The Awesome, performed with an exception: you do it with a buddy. You glue your hands to THEIR head, and vice versa, so it looks as though you've pulled your buddy's head off, and vice versa, creating lulz, and vice versa.
The kids will love it!
The Awesome: BlowJob Edition
Yet another variation of the awesome, this time emblazened with an epic performance of ripping your own head off only to have your own mouth land on your own artificially hardened cock.
Performing this variation requires all of the same, plus viagra, and enough elastic and superglue to ensure your mouth goes onto your cock. WARNING. This is difficult to do, and will most likely result in failure. this can also be performed in a similar way to "The Double Awesome" makes it look like you both ripped each others heads off to give each other head.
Popular with gay couples not afraid of failure.
Bozo the Clown's Happy Fun Time!
Requires: sawn-off shotgun, clown costume, wig and make up. Bonus points for squeaky oversized shoes and a loose white jumpsuit with colorful spots. Circus music is recommended but not necessary
1.Practice applying your makeup for a convincing clown look. This is your big day, you don't want to look like a confused crack whore
2.Hide your shotgun. Bonus points for hilarious disguises such as a bouquet of plastic flowers
3.Walk into the local elementary school
4.Pick a class room. First graders are an appropriate audience so doing discreet research beforehand is recommended. Leave any music box outside the door and turn it on just as you step in
5.Step in smiling widely and greet the children in a boisterous manner. Lines such as "hey kids, Bozo the clown is here!" are optimal. Practice in front of a mirror beforehand. You only have one shot at this
6.Ignore the teacher and ask the kids if they wish to see a magic trick. Remember to over emote and speak with a funny voice
7.Time for the big finale! If your weapon's disguise is good enough, the kids aren't hiding under their tables yet and you're still smiling like a retard, captivating their attention with your show. Tell them you're going to use the flowers to make your head disappear! Remember to smile all the way through as you bring the flowers to your mouth and make the magic work. Leaning slightly forward is likely to give a better view
8.Success! Your show will be the talk of the community for years to come and will not be easily forgotten!
The Pinata
Requires: Smarties and other candy (hopefully half your weight), a building at least 200 feet tall, a loose shirt and baggy pants, a belt, socks and gigantic fucking balls.
1.Go to the top of the structure (that means "building").
2.Swallow as much candy as possible without chewing. Stuff yourself until you feel like you're going to throw up.
3.Tuck your shirt into your pants, then tighten your belt and fill your shirt with candy.
4.Tuck your pants into your socks, then fill your pants with more candy.
5.Take any candy that's left and stuff your mouth.
6.Jump. Do it, faggot.
7.Fall. May take between 5 and 10 seconds.
8.Allow others to feast on sanguine candy and fleshy bits.
9.????
10.PROFIT
This is one of the best forms of suicide, since it teaches impressionable young children not only that suicide is cool, but that it will benefit the other children all around them as well. This will cause more bullies to push suicide as an option, thus spreading the lulz!
The Pendulum
This combines two methods.
1.Get on an overpass with a noose and tie it up. Make sure it's short enough so you won't just hit the ground and live, but long enough so you'll be in the way of traffic.
2.Jump. Bonus points if you break your neck.
3.Wait. Sooner or later a car will hit you with enough force to swing you up so that you swing back down to hit another car. This should take your head off. If not, -5 points.
Optional: have a friend video tape it for the lulz.
The Last Revenge
Using a catapult, cannon or trebuchet, launch yourself through the window of your most hated enemy (or E-nemy), preferably during some kind of family gathering. You should strike the glass with sufficient force to shred your body. You will leave a bloody trail behind as you sail through the room, before bursting spectacularly when you hit the wall at the back of the room, splattering everything in blood and gore, and leaving a giant blood and gore stain on the area of impact. Try drinking a lot of blue food dye just beforehand for that authentic "Jackson Pollock" effect, where all the blood and gore will be mixed with blue. Do not wear a helmet, jacket, or any thick clothing. For maximum effect, just wear a T-shirt and some thin shorts. You can try going naked, but bloody, shredded bits of clothes only add to the effect.
Your enemy will have to pay huge amounts to clean and fix up the house, only to sell it on at a huge loss because nobody will want to buy it after such a horrific event. As a bonus, the last thing you see will be the unsuspecting faces of your victims. Bonus points if you traumatize a child. In addition, your little stunt will be talked about on the news for weeks, people all over the world will know your name, and the bloody aftermath will be filmed and will become hits on the Internet.
The Flying Taliban
1.Get a bomb belt with height detecting detonator.
2.Find a high public building in your city.
3.Get on the roof of it.
4.Set your bomb to detonate at about 30-50 meters above the ground level.
5.Wait for a crowd to gather.
6.Jump. You will provide a rain of intestines and blood for the crowd, providing joy to all. Bonus for falling in Superman fashion and/or extra bonus for having an airplane transformer suit.
7.If the police somehow get you before you manage to jump, you will still blow up when they escort you downstairs and leave a mess of bloody remains on the staircase or elevator. This is a win-win technique.
The Ripper
Just follow Ripper's easy instructions steps:
<ripper> 320mg methadone
<ripper> 24mg klonopin
<ripper> 120mg resotril
<ripper> 1.5 grams KB
<ripper> 4 grams mersh
<ripper> plus the 130mg inderol
<ripper> drink some 151
<ripper> b hardcore
The Ultima
Arguably one of the coolest ways to off yourself.
1.Obtain a skill saw.
2.Plug in.
3.Using duct tape, tape open the blade guard and tape down the triggers. This will turn on the saw.
4.Slowly move the saw into your neck.
5.Snuff it.
Bonus points for doing it in a public area. A very large bonus if you manage to decapitate yourself. Children should always be involved in this method.
The Shower
The best way to go if you want those fuckers and faggots to feel remorse.
1.Get a shotgun. Preferably one that causes more splatter (10 gauge sawed-off), but any kind will do.
2.Tell all of the guys who pick on you to come to the front of school an hour after last period.
3.Go get your shotgun.
4.Go back, get your trench coat.
5.When they come, get close, take off trench coat.
6.BLAM!!! If done right, you will have them covered in your blood and their piss.
Chuoside
The Train of Death awaits would-be jumpers.
Ideal times to commit Chuocide.Chu-o-side
"Chu" like Chewbacca and Pikachu.
"O" like what your mom says when I give her the knub.
"Side" like where I slapped her repeatedly until it bruised.
Chuoside is the act of dramatically committing suicide by jumping into the path of an oncoming train on the Chuo Line in Japan. Those who would be an hero favor the Chuo line because the express trains pass at high speed through many convenient stops in metropolitan Tokyo. The Chuosider can be assured that their guts, entrails, eyeballs, scrotum and other appendages will be messily strewn about, and that they will have totally fucked the train schedule for thousands of people who just want to get home. As a special beyond-the-grave flip of the bird, remaining family members will be billed for the clean-up process as well as all the down-time incurred as a result of the Chuoside. (Yes, this really happens.)
An example of a Chuoside can be seen in the movie Hostel. However, not only was the girl in that film a fake Japanese, her fake eye makeup sucked, and she tossed herself in front of some Eurofag train instead of the real thing. Amateur. The Japanese flick Suicide Club begins with an awesome scene of mass teen Chuoside, but sadly runs out of lulz shortly thereafter.
Christmaside
1.Acquire a Santa Claus costume, a suicide bomb, a large bag, and several stuffed animals.
2.Around mid-December, fill the bag with the stuffed animals and equip the suicide bomb to yourself underneath your Santa Claus costume.
3.Stand on the roof of a fairly tall, but low enough for people to notice you, building above a crowded street.
4.Gently toss the stuffed animals over the edge of the roof while shouting, "Ho, ho, ho!" "Merry Christmas!" etc.
5.This should draw the attention of several small children. If it doesn't, try to advertise your, "deed," as best you can from the rooftop.
6.When you've either:
1.Drawn the attention of a substantial amount of children
2.Run out of stuffed animals, or
3.Drawn the attention of the local authorities, throw yourself over the edge of the building while screaming, Allah!
7.When you're roughly 20 feet from the ground, detonate the bomb. If you've performed this correctly, your corpse should be blown to pieces, showering several children with your mutilated remains. This will be talked about for years to come, and will permanently scar the minds of every child who witnesses your heroic act.
NOTE: If you've drawn the attention of the media and your suicide is broadcast on live television, your heroic act can become an heroic act.
Also known as Santaside.
The Woodshed
Sometimes you don't have city slicker luxuries like trains, bridges, skyscrapers, or even piano wire. The solution sits outside in your dads woodshed. Simply grab a chainsaw and replace the chain and do it properly for once because you won't be around for daddy to beat you for it. Placing the chainsaw in a vice, so it sticks out, you are given a few more options. After starting it you can charge with all your speed into the blade, ripping apart your internal organs. You can also drive into it on your daddys favorite tractor or ride-on lawnmower to give him the duty of cleaning up the mess he created and not some detective because you raped someone.
This method always works, and destroys your father. Who probably raped you.
The Standing
By far one of the more ballsy methods to off your self by, so simple in theory yet so hard to do correctly. To perform the perfect standing suicide you stand on any flat surface, jump, rotate 180 degree in mid-air, thus landing on the top of the head breaking the neck. This method can be used at anytime anywhere. Boss fires your ass , standing suicide. Wife leaves your for your best friend, standing suicide. Ipod goes missing, you get the point. Along with the obvious benefits, the standing suicide also gives a big "FUCK YOU PUSSY" to anybody who has jumped from a 30ft building and failed to die (or as xzibit would say "getting pwned while you self pwn")
However, this method is does not carry a 100% success rate. 5% at best. Results may differ depending on weight and height but as long as you don't mind eating through a tube and shitting your pants for the rest of you pathetic life it's all good.
The Ceiling Fan
DISCLAIMER: Encyclopædia Dramatica bears no responsibility for any of the advice given above, or its effects on your karma. If you're reincarnated as a slug don't come running, er, oozing to us for help.
The Hero
1. Find a tall building and get an ipod.
2. Play any heroic theme you can ear-blastingly loud. (The Captain Falcon Theme will do)
3. Do a nose dive off the building and scream your heroic monologue as loud as you can.
4. Cock your scrawny little fist back halfway down and yell out the name of your attack- if you can't think of one, try "Faggot nerd killing punch"
5. As you hit the pavement plant your fist at the speed of sound into an evil doer right before you strike the ground. If successful, you just commited murder, congratulations faggot.
Comments
Plus you get the ultimate adrenaline rush before you die
5 stories is nothing. 20 stories and you can be pretty sure you're dead. But you're right, jumping off a tall building is the most foolproof method of suicide. Once you've jumped off a high enough building there's no way anybody could save you, including yourself if you get second thoughts. If you really wanna die, jump.
You tell me
Swan dive, land head first
The Awesome
Stand at the top of a tall structure and make sure that there is something relatively soft such as grass, or a sleeping fat person, below. You should preferably be on the edge of some kind of overhang, such as a bridge.
Next, tie cheese wire around your neck, tight enough that it won't slip off under tension but loose enough not to choke you. Remember, you don't want to die looking like a Michael Hutchence wannabe. Nobody wants to be Michael Hutchence. Even Hutchence hated it.
Anyway, tie the cheese wire to something solid on top of the structure. Make sure that there is a good six or seven feet of slack. Now stand at the edge and glue your hands to the side of your head. If you are under the age of 16, you may wish to get a responsible but sociopathic adult to help you. Wait until your hands are glued solidly to your head. This has the added advantage of stopping you from calling for help if you change your mind (you fucking pussy).
Now jump off the structure. It'll only hurt for a second, when the cheese wire runs out of slack and slices through your neck. The overhang should stop you from bashing your now-severed head against the wall of the structure when the cutting motion jerks your body backwards.
You should hopefully land face down, although this is really out of your hands by now. Unlike your head, which is glued to them. This has the excellent effect of causing whoever finds your body to think that you have pulled your head off.
Guaranteed to break the ice at parties!
The Awesome (Feat. Boom-Shaka-laka)
Kill yourself like a pro.
If you can't read, check out the pretty pictures instead!Same setup as "The Awesome" except one must prepare a basketball hoop at the bottom of the place of descent prior to the jump in the hopes of slam-dunking one's own face.
Guaranteed to break the ice at naughty parties!
The Other Awesome
Sandwich Chef knows how its done.
There is a market for self pwnage.Find a large building overlooking a park or other public area that can support a large number of people. In the middle of the day, douse yourself with gasoline, put on a suicide bomber vest, and do whatever it takes to attract a large crowd of people. Taking someone hostage and calling in all the news networks is a good method. Once there is a large crowd of people all watching intently, light yourself on fire and jump towards them. Try to aim for the center of the group. Once you're fifteen feet above them, detonate the vest. This will shower the crowd with flaming gibs.
Popular at weddings and bar mitzvahs!
The Double Awesome
A variation of The Awesome, performed with an exception: you do it with a buddy. You glue your hands to THEIR head, and vice versa, so it looks as though you've pulled your buddy's head off, and vice versa, creating lulz, and vice versa.
The kids will love it!
The Awesome: BlowJob Edition
Yet another variation of the awesome, this time emblazened with an epic performance of ripping your own head off only to have your own mouth land on your own artificially hardened cock.
Performing this variation requires all of the same, plus viagra, and enough elastic and superglue to ensure your mouth goes onto your cock. WARNING. This is difficult to do, and will most likely result in failure. this can also be performed in a similar way to "The Double Awesome" makes it look like you both ripped each others heads off to give each other head.
Popular with gay couples not afraid of failure.
Bozo the Clown's Happy Fun Time!
Requires: sawn-off shotgun, clown costume, wig and make up. Bonus points for squeaky oversized shoes and a loose white jumpsuit with colorful spots. Circus music is recommended but not necessary
1.Practice applying your makeup for a convincing clown look. This is your big day, you don't want to look like a confused crack whore
2.Hide your shotgun. Bonus points for hilarious disguises such as a bouquet of plastic flowers
3.Walk into the local elementary school
4.Pick a class room. First graders are an appropriate audience so doing discreet research beforehand is recommended. Leave any music box outside the door and turn it on just as you step in
5.Step in smiling widely and greet the children in a boisterous manner. Lines such as "hey kids, Bozo the clown is here!" are optimal. Practice in front of a mirror beforehand. You only have one shot at this
6.Ignore the teacher and ask the kids if they wish to see a magic trick. Remember to over emote and speak with a funny voice
7.Time for the big finale! If your weapon's disguise is good enough, the kids aren't hiding under their tables yet and you're still smiling like a retard, captivating their attention with your show. Tell them you're going to use the flowers to make your head disappear! Remember to smile all the way through as you bring the flowers to your mouth and make the magic work. Leaning slightly forward is likely to give a better view
8.Success! Your show will be the talk of the community for years to come and will not be easily forgotten!
The Pinata
Requires: Smarties and other candy (hopefully half your weight), a building at least 200 feet tall, a loose shirt and baggy pants, a belt, socks and gigantic fucking balls.
1.Go to the top of the structure (that means "building").
2.Swallow as much candy as possible without chewing. Stuff yourself until you feel like you're going to throw up.
3.Tuck your shirt into your pants, then tighten your belt and fill your shirt with candy.
4.Tuck your pants into your socks, then fill your pants with more candy.
5.Take any candy that's left and stuff your mouth.
6.Jump. Do it, faggot.
7.Fall. May take between 5 and 10 seconds.
8.Allow others to feast on sanguine candy and fleshy bits.
9.????
10.PROFIT
This is one of the best forms of suicide, since it teaches impressionable young children not only that suicide is cool, but that it will benefit the other children all around them as well. This will cause more bullies to push suicide as an option, thus spreading the lulz!
The Pendulum
This combines two methods.
1.Get on an overpass with a noose and tie it up. Make sure it's short enough so you won't just hit the ground and live, but long enough so you'll be in the way of traffic.
2.Jump. Bonus points if you break your neck.
3.Wait. Sooner or later a car will hit you with enough force to swing you up so that you swing back down to hit another car. This should take your head off. If not, -5 points.
Optional: have a friend video tape it for the lulz.
The Last Revenge
Using a catapult, cannon or trebuchet, launch yourself through the window of your most hated enemy (or E-nemy), preferably during some kind of family gathering. You should strike the glass with sufficient force to shred your body. You will leave a bloody trail behind as you sail through the room, before bursting spectacularly when you hit the wall at the back of the room, splattering everything in blood and gore, and leaving a giant blood and gore stain on the area of impact. Try drinking a lot of blue food dye just beforehand for that authentic "Jackson Pollock" effect, where all the blood and gore will be mixed with blue. Do not wear a helmet, jacket, or any thick clothing. For maximum effect, just wear a T-shirt and some thin shorts. You can try going naked, but bloody, shredded bits of clothes only add to the effect.
Your enemy will have to pay huge amounts to clean and fix up the house, only to sell it on at a huge loss because nobody will want to buy it after such a horrific event. As a bonus, the last thing you see will be the unsuspecting faces of your victims. Bonus points if you traumatize a child. In addition, your little stunt will be talked about on the news for weeks, people all over the world will know your name, and the bloody aftermath will be filmed and will become hits on the Internet.
The Flying Taliban
1.Get a bomb belt with height detecting detonator.
2.Find a high public building in your city.
3.Get on the roof of it.
4.Set your bomb to detonate at about 30-50 meters above the ground level.
5.Wait for a crowd to gather.
6.Jump. You will provide a rain of intestines and blood for the crowd, providing joy to all. Bonus for falling in Superman fashion and/or extra bonus for having an airplane transformer suit.
7.If the police somehow get you before you manage to jump, you will still blow up when they escort you downstairs and leave a mess of bloody remains on the staircase or elevator. This is a win-win technique.
The Ripper
Just follow Ripper's easy instructions steps:
<ripper> 320mg methadone
<ripper> 24mg klonopin
<ripper> 120mg resotril
<ripper> 1.5 grams KB
<ripper> 4 grams mersh
<ripper> plus the 130mg inderol
<ripper> drink some 151
<ripper> b hardcore
The Ultima
Arguably one of the coolest ways to off yourself.
1.Obtain a skill saw.
2.Plug in.
3.Using duct tape, tape open the blade guard and tape down the triggers. This will turn on the saw.
4.Slowly move the saw into your neck.
5.Snuff it.
Bonus points for doing it in a public area. A very large bonus if you manage to decapitate yourself. Children should always be involved in this method.
The Shower
The best way to go if you want those fuckers and faggots to feel remorse.
1.Get a shotgun. Preferably one that causes more splatter (10 gauge sawed-off), but any kind will do.
2.Tell all of the guys who pick on you to come to the front of school an hour after last period.
3.Go get your shotgun.
4.Go back, get your trench coat.
5.When they come, get close, take off trench coat.
6.BLAM!!! If done right, you will have them covered in your blood and their piss.
Chuoside
The Train of Death awaits would-be jumpers.
Ideal times to commit Chuocide.Chu-o-side
"Chu" like Chewbacca and Pikachu.
"O" like what your mom says when I give her the knub.
"Side" like where I slapped her repeatedly until it bruised.
Chuoside is the act of dramatically committing suicide by jumping into the path of an oncoming train on the Chuo Line in Japan. Those who would be an hero favor the Chuo line because the express trains pass at high speed through many convenient stops in metropolitan Tokyo. The Chuosider can be assured that their guts, entrails, eyeballs, scrotum and other appendages will be messily strewn about, and that they will have totally fucked the train schedule for thousands of people who just want to get home. As a special beyond-the-grave flip of the bird, remaining family members will be billed for the clean-up process as well as all the down-time incurred as a result of the Chuoside. (Yes, this really happens.)
An example of a Chuoside can be seen in the movie Hostel. However, not only was the girl in that film a fake Japanese, her fake eye makeup sucked, and she tossed herself in front of some Eurofag train instead of the real thing. Amateur. The Japanese flick Suicide Club begins with an awesome scene of mass teen Chuoside, but sadly runs out of lulz shortly thereafter.
Christmaside
1.Acquire a Santa Claus costume, a suicide bomb, a large bag, and several stuffed animals.
2.Around mid-December, fill the bag with the stuffed animals and equip the suicide bomb to yourself underneath your Santa Claus costume.
3.Stand on the roof of a fairly tall, but low enough for people to notice you, building above a crowded street.
4.Gently toss the stuffed animals over the edge of the roof while shouting, "Ho, ho, ho!" "Merry Christmas!" etc.
5.This should draw the attention of several small children. If it doesn't, try to advertise your, "deed," as best you can from the rooftop.
6.When you've either:
1.Drawn the attention of a substantial amount of children
2.Run out of stuffed animals, or
3.Drawn the attention of the local authorities, throw yourself over the edge of the building while screaming, Allah!
7.When you're roughly 20 feet from the ground, detonate the bomb. If you've performed this correctly, your corpse should be blown to pieces, showering several children with your mutilated remains. This will be talked about for years to come, and will permanently scar the minds of every child who witnesses your heroic act.
NOTE: If you've drawn the attention of the media and your suicide is broadcast on live television, your heroic act can become an heroic act.
Also known as Santaside.
The Woodshed
Sometimes you don't have city slicker luxuries like trains, bridges, skyscrapers, or even piano wire. The solution sits outside in your dads woodshed. Simply grab a chainsaw and replace the chain and do it properly for once because you won't be around for daddy to beat you for it. Placing the chainsaw in a vice, so it sticks out, you are given a few more options. After starting it you can charge with all your speed into the blade, ripping apart your internal organs. You can also drive into it on your daddys favorite tractor or ride-on lawnmower to give him the duty of cleaning up the mess he created and not some detective because you raped someone.
This method always works, and destroys your father. Who probably raped you.
The Standing
By far one of the more ballsy methods to off your self by, so simple in theory yet so hard to do correctly. To perform the perfect standing suicide you stand on any flat surface, jump, rotate 180 degree in mid-air, thus landing on the top of the head breaking the neck. This method can be used at anytime anywhere. Boss fires your ass , standing suicide. Wife leaves your for your best friend, standing suicide. Ipod goes missing, you get the point. Along with the obvious benefits, the standing suicide also gives a big "FUCK YOU PUSSY" to anybody who has jumped from a 30ft building and failed to die (or as xzibit would say "getting pwned while you self pwn")
However, this method is does not carry a 100% success rate. 5% at best. Results may differ depending on weight and height but as long as you don't mind eating through a tube and shitting your pants for the rest of you pathetic life it's all good.
The Ceiling Fan
DISCLAIMER: Encyclopædia Dramatica bears no responsibility for any of the advice given above, or its effects on your karma. If you're reincarnated as a slug don't come running, er, oozing to us for help.
The Hero
1. Find a tall building and get an ipod.
2. Play any heroic theme you can ear-blastingly loud. (The Captain Falcon Theme will do)
3. Do a nose dive off the building and scream your heroic monologue as loud as you can.
4. Cock your scrawny little fist back halfway down and yell out the name of your attack- if you can't think of one, try "Faggot nerd killing punch"
5. As you hit the pavement plant your fist at the speed of sound into an evil doer right before you strike the ground. If successful, you just commited murder, congratulations faggot.