Granted, but as you carry the last 2 cases to your car, a 9.0 earthquake strikes. You drop the cases youre carrying, making the bottles shatter into thousands of deadly shanks on the ground at your feet. The earthquake is so fierce, you're thrown to the ground only to land on top of the shattered shards. The earthquake rolls you around violently into this deadly mess, cutting every square inch of your body from the glass, coating you like shake-n-bake chicken. You bleed out in a bloody, glassy, epic party-foul-of-a-mess (never spill beer!). But you try to lick the beer off the ground in a last attempt to taste it before your last breath arrives, only to get curb stomped by Marcus Fenix and Dom Santiago from Gears of War.
Granted, but as you carry the last 2 cases to your car, a 9.0 earthquake strikes. You drop the cases youre carrying, making the bottles shatter into thousands of deadly shanks on the ground at your feet. The earthquake is so fierce, you're thrown to the ground only to land on top of the shattered shards. The earthquake rolls you around violently into this deadly mess, cutting every square inch of your body from the glass, coating you like shake-n-bake chicken. You bleed out in a bloody, glassy, epic party-foul-of-a-mess (never spill beer!). But you try to lick the beer off the ground in a last attempt to taste it before your last breath arrives, only to get curb stomped by Marcus Fenix and Dom Santiago from Gears of War.
I wish I could kick Kanye West in the dick
Holy shit. McBoozer must've been in Japan!
Granted. His dick is made of rusting iron. It shreds your shoes upon contact and slices your foot wide open. Shards of the oxidized metal remain in your foot even after it is stitched back up. Each one circles your circulatory system, gaining more and more iron molecules until it starts cutting your veins from the inside. You die from internal bleeding. Slowly.
I wish someone would make me a sandwich right now that is uncontaminated, I can eat it, and is made with ingredients that I would actually willingly eat.
Granted, you receive this glorious sandwich. It was the best sandwich you could ever have imagined, every one of your favorite traits that a sandwich could have, this one had. This particular sandwich was made by (insert sex idol here) and it came with your favorite beer/drink of all time. You are about to eat this legendary sandwich, when FATTY_MCFUCKFACE finds you. He/she runs (more like waddles at a brisk pace) at you and dives (trips over his/her own belly fat) to get your sandwich. You skillfully evade this attack, but you are soon distracted by Ke$ha's dirtiness and terrible music. This music seems to come from FATTY_MCFUCKFACE him/her self. This ponders you into an infinite cycle of WTF's and lolwut's, which result in your awesome sandwich (and the cunt who made it) to get old and moldy, to soon rot away infront of you. Also you get kicked in the balls by dfg every 5 seconds for 50 years.
I wish for a nice clean, crisp glass of water, that has no imperfections and is completely incorruptible.
granted, but as you bring its glorious rim to your lips and start to taste the wonderful elixer, you get advanced cerebral palsy and your shaky hand drops the glass, which shatters and cuts your feet open. the cuts become infected, then gangrenous and both of your legs are amputated. and youre still thirsty.
Granted, but due to oral cancer the only way to save you is to cut your asshole out, sew it shut, "install" a colostomy bag, and graft your asshole where your mouth used to be. Now when you talk it sounds like articulated farting.
granted, but as you bring its glorious rim to your lips and start to taste the wonderful elixer, you get advanced cerebral palsy and your shaky hand drops the glass, which shatters and cuts your feet open. the cuts become infected, then gangrenous and both of your legs are amputated. and youre still thirsty.
i want to be able to fart the alphabet.
Granted, you can make any fart of yours sound like any letter of the alphabet - while still sounding like a fart off course. And from now on, you have to fart loudly at least every ten seconds. And the smell, oh god, don't get me started on the smell. It actually drives people out of the room you're in. You're not allowed in movie theaters or airplanes anymore and all your friends pretend they never knew you. Girlfriend? Forget it, nobody can stand being near you.
I wish America was smart enough not to impose a daylight savings time.
Granted, before the decision is made the nuclear reactors in Japan begin going off one after another sending enough ash into the atmosphere to blot out the sun making Daylight savings time rather unnecessary.
America stops enforcing it as we prepare for nuclear winter.
Comments
Granted, Craftsman makes a new model of hammer, code named Emma Stone. They send you one for product testing, also a box of nails. Bang away.
I wish I didn't have to go anywhere tomorrow.
I wished I owned a kick ass bar (none gay).
I wish I had a new pair of boots.
I wish I had a biscuit.
I wish that I could party with Charlie Sheen and a bunch of hot strippers(without any STD's)
Granted, but as you carry the last 2 cases to your car, a 9.0 earthquake strikes. You drop the cases youre carrying, making the bottles shatter into thousands of deadly shanks on the ground at your feet. The earthquake is so fierce, you're thrown to the ground only to land on top of the shattered shards. The earthquake rolls you around violently into this deadly mess, cutting every square inch of your body from the glass, coating you like shake-n-bake chicken. You bleed out in a bloody, glassy, epic party-foul-of-a-mess (never spill beer!). But you try to lick the beer off the ground in a last attempt to taste it before your last breath arrives, only to get curb stomped by Marcus Fenix and Dom Santiago from Gears of War.
I wish I could kick Kanye West in the dick
Holy shit. McBoozer must've been in Japan!
Granted. His dick is made of rusting iron. It shreds your shoes upon contact and slices your foot wide open. Shards of the oxidized metal remain in your foot even after it is stitched back up. Each one circles your circulatory system, gaining more and more iron molecules until it starts cutting your veins from the inside. You die from internal bleeding. Slowly.
I wish someone would make me a sandwich right now that is uncontaminated, I can eat it, and is made with ingredients that I would actually willingly eat.
granted, but you just got your dicked sucked by taylor swift. grossssss
i wish i had a prehensile tail!!
granted, but as you bring its glorious rim to your lips and start to taste the wonderful elixer, you get advanced cerebral palsy and your shaky hand drops the glass, which shatters and cuts your feet open. the cuts become infected, then gangrenous and both of your legs are amputated. and youre still thirsty.
i want to be able to fart the alphabet.
Granted, but due to oral cancer the only way to save you is to cut your asshole out, sew it shut, "install" a colostomy bag, and graft your asshole where your mouth used to be. Now when you talk it sounds like articulated farting.
I wish to be immortal.
Granted, you can make any fart of yours sound like any letter of the alphabet - while still sounding like a fart off course. And from now on, you have to fart loudly at least every ten seconds. And the smell, oh god, don't get me started on the smell. It actually drives people out of the room you're in. You're not allowed in movie theaters or airplanes anymore and all your friends pretend they never knew you. Girlfriend? Forget it, nobody can stand being near you.
I wish somebody would give me a foot massage.
Granted, but it's by Clamps from Futurama.
I wish that idiots stopped shopping at my job.
Granted, but your place of work is now frequented by dickheads.
I wish for more drugs.
Granted, but it's just straight up Caffeine, you are not allowed anything else.
I wish America was smart enough not to impose a daylight savings time.
Fuck you
Granted, but we implement a much more retarded system.
Granted, before the decision is made the nuclear reactors in Japan begin going off one after another sending enough ash into the atmosphere to blot out the sun making Daylight savings time rather unnecessary.
America stops enforcing it as we prepare for nuclear winter.
I wish for a vacation.
You're fired.
I wish I could actually fire somebody. Sounds like mad fun.
granted ^ but they sue your ass for wrongful termination and you're now out on your ass.
i wish taht all the negros and jews would die
Granted but you find out that you are 1/2 Jewish and wind up dead from the neck up.
I wish this thread would end.
It did but I bumped it.
I wish I was admin of Zoklet
I wish I had a pack of smokes.