So the JollyRoger dude posting made me go and look for a few things.
Check this out.
Fun things to do to an asshole's car---By Delta Burke
1) Get inside the car and run a jumper wire from the brake switch to the
horn, positive side. Use heavy guage wire(12 or better) with crimp hoop
type connectors to insure a good connection. This trick will result in
the horn honking everytime they step on the brakes.
2) An easy one: Take the distributor cap off and either remove the rotor or
pull it off and replace it in another position. Results in the car either
not running or running like shit...
3) Get under the hood and re-arrange the spark plug wires. Provides many
hours of amusment.
4) Loosen the slack bolt on the bracket that tightens the belt for the
alternator. Move the bracket inwards an inch or two, then re-tighten the
bolt. This will result in a late dead battery.
5) Place small rocks in the wheel covers of all four tires. Remember to use
VERY tiny ones and large ones will be noticed if they remove the covers.
6) A more dangerous trick: Loosen all the lug nuts or just take them off
and replace the wheel covers. Results are pretty obvious.
7) Another good one: Place very long nails, two per side, at a 45 degree
angle with the points in toward the tire.
8) Dangerous: Remove the retainer nut and bolt on the steering wheel. It is
usually covered by the horn, so it wont be very obvious until they try to
turn the car...
9) Very Cruel: Get under the car and back the oil pan plug out until it is
just hanging by the last thread or two. The vibrations will back it out
the rest of the way.
10) Also try the last trick with the transmission. Or better is the rear
axle. There is a drain plug for the gear oil on the bottom.
11) For the gas tank: Sugar, sand or water all work VERY well for an
effective trick.
12) Dead animals in the engine compartment, on or near the engine smell
just wonderful when the engine warms up. Also, a fresh road kill in the
spare tire space works VERY good.
13) On the same note, a live skunk in the car with the windows up almost
all the way(so it wont die) will provide hours of fun. Good luck in
catching that skunk.
14) Drill a series of very small holes in the exhaust line after the
muffler. Or better is drilling a hole or two in the muffler itself.
15) Dangerous: Take a razor blade to the brake lines.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Delta Burke 1991
Another file downloaded from:
!
-$-
! .
/_\ /-o-\ & the Temple of the Screaming Electron
(o..) | * Walnut Creek, California
+ |:| /^\ /~\
! |:|/\ _| |____|:| 2400/1200/300 baud 415-935-5845
/^\ / O |/...\ /_-_\ Jeff Hunter, Sysop
|@ \_| @ /:::::|/|- : -| \
| | | /~ |/| _ | - - - - - - - - - *
|____|/~ @ /~\ |/|_(_)_| Aaaaaeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! /
/_______|_|_|/
Specializing in conversations, obscure information, high explosives,
arcane knowledge, political extremism, diversive sexuality,
insane speculation, and wild rumours. An ALL-TEXT BBS.
Full access for first-time callers. We don't want to know who you are,
where you live, or what your phone number is. We are not Big Brother.
"Raw Data for Raw Nerves"
I love the old text files, they crack me the fuck up.
Comments
Old as dirrrrrrt.
Oh dear god!
Time relative to who, the person traveling at "light years" or an outside observer? What medium is the light passing through, it makes an enormous difference as to how long it wold take light to travel a Light year?
Light years is a measure of distance, not time. You never hear anyone saying "wow, that would take about a mile an hour to arrive"
New Economic Policy
By the Stainless Steal Rat.
TAP # 80 12-82
Tired of all that bullshit the government has been giving about how to reduce
inflation? Well here is the real way to cut your bills:
I. Super-Markets
The next time you visit your local rippoff center that claims to have the
lowest prices in town, you can make sure that they keep that promise.
When you catch an employee loafing on the job borrow (permanently) his or her
little price tag gun. After several minutes of examination and trial you can
stamp your own prices just like the pro. Need I go further? Of couse. Just
for good relations take all those funny little rolls of stickers that are used
to show when there is a special and all the blank rolls for the tag gun. Beware
Make sure that the product you stamp with your gun is the same as the tag is.
Some tags are pre labled: Grocery, candy, milk, etc. Make sure the tag matches
the item. Never remark items that are common. Many times the cashiers know
the price. Also, with your "special" strikers be careful. Many times they are
distributed by the manufacturer of the product. If you are in a hurry just
take the price tag off the cheapest bargin brand and put it on the best quality
brand. This can be tricky if not impossible becausee some places have price
tags that are pre-cut, so they fall apart if you try that.
II. Counter Espionage and other Tricks for all of you that shoplift (or are
about to begin) here are some tips:
-Stay away from large Malls and Shopping centers, it's like narc city. The
Narcs like it there because they can bust little kids for shoplifting candy.
-Keep your eyes open for mirrors, two way mirrors, cameras and nosey clerks.
-If you are with a partner keep your mouth shut. They have hidden mics in
those tall columns that seem to hold up the roof.
-Avoid all large silvered objects. In on place I know, they put small
cameras in large christmas balls (Merry Christmas Huh?)
-Look for people that you always see in the same store and for people who
walk around like zombies and pay more attention to the people in the store than
the products.
-Avoid all people with 2-way radios. They are most definitly no hams with
their 2 meter.
If you decide to shoplift (naughty you), remember all you have to do is
remove the item from its package and take off all store marking and tags and
they cannot prove the item is not yours. Use display models if possible, be-
cause you can fiddle with them without suspicion. If you think the risk of
getting caught is too great or you cannot get it because of its size (I know a
guy who shoplifted a 20" crock pot) you can still get it at a greatly reduced
price. Many places use felt tip markers or pens to show reductions. When a
store has a closout, merely bring along a pen and mark your own prices.
END
It'll be funny if some of our kids stumble across this shit in 2045 and try it out. :hai:
1982 text file. Damn.
Thats not a measure of distance, its a measure of speed.:facepalm:
I would be " wow, that would take a mile to arrive."