I have done tons of coke in all it's forms for the last 20 odd years, and I know when I am getting a habit. I have one now, an annoying gnawing thing like a little yappy dog that just won't stop barking. For the last 5 years or so I have preferred hard to soft because I don't like doing a lot of coke at once, the best part is always the first few hits. $20 worth of crack gives me that kick, and a few more besides, and when I'm done I can go to sleep and be at least 70% functional the next day.
A while ago I got a good local dude on my phone, quite respectable for a low level guy, and buying a rock became as easy as buying pack of smokes. I was good for a while, sticking to my once or twice a month routine. Then it became once or twice a week. I have spent about $400 on rock in the last month, scoring every second night or so, and just finished a five day run.
The annoying thing is, aside from feeling shitbagged a lot of the time, it has had very few negative effects. I have taken over the Chef position at work, my GF and I have gotten an apartment, my shit is in order, and nobody's pissed off. I could continue like this for a while if I wanted, but eventually something would crack, and some major personal or financial damage would ensue.
So, away with you, foul demon. We will dance again sometime, but the pit is getting too intense for my liking. I am going to take a good long rest, and turn myself to better things. It is gnawing at me as I type, there is money on the nightstand, there is a phone beside me, good times are right around the corner.
I have taken a bit of a cop out tonight, two high test brownies down the hatch, soon I will be so fucking high the thought of getting up and scoring will seem like an insane idea. The next couple of days will be difficult, the next couple of weeks will be annoying, but eventually the nasty stuff will back in it's place.
"wow, those brownies are coming on fast"
Toke the weed as much as you can, it's an amazing drug.
Agreeee'd. At least you realize it is becoming a problem.
Around my town, heroin is becoming more popular than weed. It's sad, pretty much my first highschool friend has been wasting away on it lately (Though he's getting better).
Personally, I hate heroin and opiates.
I know I'd be a complete coke head if I had better access to it though
I don't know if you commonly drink when you do coke/crack, but if you do I'd refrain from drinking for a while too.
smoke that herb ull be cool
Sometimes your bag has a 12 karat diamond in it, but usually it don't.
Also remember the words of Whitney Houston: Crack is whack.
Annoying, I could smell it constantly, even in food. How horseradish can smell like crack is beyond me, but when I tossed a few dip cups with traces of horseradish on them into the dishwasher, the steam that came out smelled like crack to me. Bitchy, cold, and my sense of humor took a turn for the very unfunny.
I am going to go jam at my friends place in the country on saturday , and I know after a few drinks I will want some, but I'm staying the night, so it should be no problems. Posting on totse is a bit of a bitch too because I did it so much while I was high the last month. I scrubbed my phone of all dope numbers, and the thought of going out and looking around for someone, only to get a shitty piece, or get ripped off, has no appeal. It really was the easy access that fucked me over, buying drugs should involve at least 3 phone calls, travel time, and sitting on a couch with people you would rather not know.
"also, I am a Chef again, and power is the best dope"
That's probably meth you're talking about. Coke wears off very quickly, but the problem is the stimulation you feel after the high dies off. Then you're stuck unmotivated, unable to sleep, and in desperate need of depressants.
This is not 4chan post your memes there or in HB please.
Since when did you become a moderator, asshole? Better yet, since when did you become anyone other than a butt hurt refugee of sorts?
Don't worry about what I am. Worry about what you have control over.
I'm being serious. This is BLTC, not some dumb playground and I'm sure that C/O wouldn't like his thread to get shat all over. Just don't post lame garbage and you'll be alright.
Quitting smoking is much harder, you can't make it more difficult for yourself to buy cigarettes, so they are always just a few steps away. I think making it more difficult to "score", whatever you have a problem with, is important in getting a habit under control. If I want crack now, I would have to go get a middler, who will take a nice piece for himself before I even see it, then have his hand out for a hoot when he passes it off to me. I got into a habit because it was easy to get, and I was getting good value, now that I know $20 bucks will get me about 2/3 what it once did, it is a lot easier to pass it up.
My life lately has been very different from the last seven or eight years, and that helps a lot as well. I work days, so i no longer come home after my roomate is asleep, so I have no real private time to use rock. I am spending a lot more time with my GF as we engage in endless preparation for moving in together, annoying, but it is a worthwhile venture. My work is more stressful, but more rewarding, we sent some free ribs today to a sports radio DJ who was complaining he couldn't find a good rib recipe. He was broadcasting from the local football teams training facility (Go B.C. Lions!). He ended up giving the second rack to the team manager, so we got a free shout out on the radio, and I got a call from the team manager requesting some help on pulling off the recipe, cool shit. I am playing guitar more, and drumming a lot more, drumming is the best aerobic workout I have ever actually enjoyed, and I am kicking myself for not getting into it sooner.
So there you go. Problem solved? Not by a long shot.
I have had addiction problems from the first moment I used drugs. I love drugs, and I always will. I have clawed my way back from the brink of a serious problem many, many times. It is the knowledge that I can do this, and the fact that I never let drugs interfere with making a living, that makes it tempting to say; 'hell, it's been a while, lets get ripped'.
Whenever I make a lot of changes in my life at once, it feels great. I feel powerful, I am the fucking overlord, adaptable, hard working, the guy you want on your team. Eventually, though, the demons claw their way to the top again, and some compromise must be made. I will lay off the rock, possibly forever, might not even use coke again, but someday, something will get it's hooks into me again, and the dance will begin. The slow increase in use, the rationalizing of said use as a reaction to external factors, the short period of time when I am the drugs bitch, the look over the precipice, the realization that I have got another habit, the quitting, the change in scenery that makes it easier, the taking on of more responsibility to fill the gap with positive feedback, the functional and productive months or years, the eventual loathing for the life I have made for myself, the occasional escape into hard drugs. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Don't get me wrong, this isn't a self pity party. I enjoy this cycle, and the drugs involved. I dread the day when I realize I have created a life I cannot escape, but for some reason I am on the verge of doing just that. If I ever have a child, I will have to find a way to break this cycle. The only way I can think of is a word that fills me with such conflict it would take some really fucked up shit going down for me to consider it. Rehab. 90 days of mental reprogramming, and a lifetime of meetings. Balls. Oh well, if it comes to it, I hope I have the balls to ask for it, instead of fucking up so badly it is forced upon me.
Fuck it, my buds are coming over to jam, I have a 6, some good weed, and I am going to drum like a motherfucker.
"of course I'll always be an alcoholic, but I'm fine with that"