I have done tons of coke in all it's forms for the last 20 odd years, and I know when I am getting a habit. I have one now, an annoying gnawing thing like a little yappy dog that just won't stop barking. For the last 5 years or so I have preferred hard to soft because I don't like doing a lot of coke at once, the best part is always the first few hits. $20 worth of crack gives me that kick, and a few more besides, and when I'm done I can go to sleep and be at least 70% functional the next day.
A while ago I got a good local dude on my phone, quite respectable for a low level guy, and buying a rock became as easy as buying pack of smokes. I was good for a while, sticking to my once or twice a month routine. Then it became once or twice a week. I have spent about $400 on rock in the last month, scoring every second night or so, and just finished a five day run.
The annoying thing is, aside from feeling shitbagged a lot of the time, it has had very few negative effects. I have taken over the Chef position at work, my GF and I have gotten an apartment, my shit is in order, and nobody's pissed off. I could continue like this for a while if I wanted, but eventually something would crack, and some major personal or financial damage would ensue.
So, away with you, foul demon. We will dance again sometime, but the pit is getting too intense for my liking. I am going to take a good long rest, and turn myself to better things. It is gnawing at me as I type, there is money on the nightstand, there is a phone beside me, good times are right around the corner.
I have taken a bit of a cop out tonight, two high test brownies down the hatch, soon I will be so fucking high the thought of getting up and scoring will seem like an insane idea. The next couple of days will be difficult, the next couple of weeks will be annoying, but eventually the nasty stuff will back in it's place.
"wow, those brownies are coming on fast"