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Should I ask my EX GF for $1000?

OneMulattoOneMulatto Semo-Regulars
edited September 2011 in Spurious Generalities
My girlfriend of 6 years and I have recently split up. I was a bad boyfriend. Cheating. Unable to keep my dick in my pants to be honest. I kept the house and she has moved out. She signed a 6 month lease to an apartment a few miles away. She has stated numerous times that if I need any $ she would be glad to give (loan) it to me. I make good $ but a lot of situations have been coming along that keeps eating at my checking/savings account. All I really need is $1000. I am afraid to ask her because it'll make me feel less of a man. Begging my EX for $ when I want to act like I do not need her help @ all.

Also, another quick ? ... 5 months later I am still in love with her. We keep in touch. Speak every other week. I ask her "so, you think you and I will ever get back together?" and she responds with "IDK, you never know what will happen in 6 months." Why such a open ended response? If she wants nothing to do with me why doesn't she just tell me, like I ask her to do, to move the fuck on with my life. I tell her "if you want me to move on with my life and to forget about you just TELL ME!!" She won't. She says the "you never know what's going to happen in 6 months" response.

Anyway, I need the money for bills. Her Dad was here yesterday and took the washer and dryer. So I have to buy a new set and I don't want anything cheap. Also, I had to purchase a couch she took and a tv (i haven't replaced yet) she took. Money is flying out of my pocket.

What to do? Ask or not? I don't want to take a loan out. Interests rates are a bitch and then all that will be is another monthly bill.
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Comments

  • juggjugg Regular
    edited August 2011
    what do you need the money for? bills etc...If its not a necessity then I wouldn't. It seems like she may be stringing you along to pay you back for being a dick because she knows you care. If she moved out she probably wont come back.
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  • DfgDfg Admin
    edited August 2011
    jugg wrote: »
    what do you need the money for? bills etc...If its not a necessity then I wouldn't. It seems like she may be stringing you along to pay you back for being a dick because she knows you care. If she moved out she probably wont come back.

    ^This, it's your fault in the first place mate, time to man up and hit the road.
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  • ThatfriedKidThatfriedKid Acolyte
    edited August 2011
    If you intend on paying her back, then sure, ask her for money.

    The TV should be the last thing you replace. Deal with your bills first, then take care of the washer and dryer.
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  • ArkansanArkansan Regular
    edited August 2011
    I agree with jugg, shes just fucking with you, she is probably just talking to someone else and keeping your ass on the hook until she decides what exactly she wants to do. If your bills are stacking up you're going to have to get over not wanting any cheap shit, look around goodwill stores and shit like that, if you keep your eyes open you can replace the couch and T.V. on the cheap and still find something decent. I got a damn near unused couch and recliner set for 25 bucks that way. Also don't ask her for the money, if you were willing to fuck around then in essence you made a decision that you could do with out her and that includes her financial help.
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  • OneMulattoOneMulatto Semo-Regulars
    edited August 2011
    You are right. Although the instance of my infidelity was at the very beginning of our relationship. Then why does she "offer" me $ Funny thing is, about her moving out, a lot of her stuff is still here 5 months later. Keep sakes. Her grandma dishes and her cremated ashes. Why would she not take that stuff? She said I drank too much when we were together but guess what she is doing? Going to bars and drinking. Funny stuff if you ask me. It's hard you know. Every time that I meet a new girl I start thinking about her. Damn. I've been getting laid, of course, but it just doesn't get past that.

    I already replaced my couch. Found a really big ass couch for $768. Brand new sectional it is. Either way it is my fault and I have to deal with it. I'll just pick up some extra routes at work (regional Sygma truck driver) and that'll be just fine.

    I should stop trying to win her back. I spent $200 on her for our mock anniversary. If we had been together that day it would have been our anniversary. *sigh*

    Oh, well, Thanks for the help.
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  • juggjugg Regular
    edited August 2011
    Here is the true test. give her all of her shit back,and don't call her. Act like you don't give a shit don't be mean or a dick just act like its all good and you don't care. If shes just playing you and wants to get back together and sees your starting to move on she will get scared and come back. If shes not coming back you will at least get her shit out of your hose and be able to start to move on.
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  • LSA KingLSA King Regular
    edited August 2011
    I'd move on. If you need a loan go to a Credit Union and get what you need, that's the responsible way. Contacting your Ex or even family for such matters almost always leads to further trouble later on down the road if the loan isn't re-payed back in full quickly. If you're making as good of money as you claim then you need to start looking into spending and saving habits to protect yourself from financial harm in the future. Nothing wrong with putting money away for another day when you have no reason to buy anything other than to buy. Makes things you actually do purchase that much more valuable to you as well.

    About break-ups. They almost never work out even if you get back together. It's nothing more than the initial human response to leave the situation open when a lot of commitment was made towards maintaining a relationship. One of the reason I don't do relationships myself anymore and tell people straight up so they know what they're getting themselves into. Don't get hung up on the words or actions left behind, it means nothing but could mean ANYTHING you want it to. It's a psychological trick to keep you constantly questioning the "what-if's" instead of making true progress. Drive on with your life as normal. Enjoy what you had and if things later down the road happen to lead to reconciliation than so be it. There is no reason to go above and beyond to "making it work" as if what lead up to the break-up didn't happen because it did. That can't be forgotten, it wont be forgotten, and can never be changed. Women will never forget that, you'll never forget that, and in the end you'll either try harder to be something you're not to make up for it or she'll eventually use it into guilt tripping your conscious.
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  • OneMulattoOneMulatto Semo-Regulars
    edited August 2011
    LSA King wrote: »
    I'd move on. If you need a loan go to a Credit Union and get what you need, that's the responsible way. Contacting your Ex or even family for such matters almost always leads to further trouble later on down the road if the loan isn't re-payed back in full quickly. If you're making as good of money as you claim then you need to start looking into spending and saving habits to protect yourself from financial harm in the future. Nothing wrong with putting money away for another day when you have no reason to buy anything other than to buy. Makes things you actually do purchase that much more valuable to you as well.

    About break-ups. They almost never work out even if you get back together. It's nothing more than the initial human response to leave the situation open when a lot of commitment was made towards maintaining a relationship. One of the reason I don't do relationships myself anymore and tell people straight up so they know what they're getting themselves into. Don't get hung up on the words or actions left behind, it means nothing but could mean ANYTHING you want it to. It's a psychological trick to keep you constantly questioning the "what-if's" instead of making true progress. Drive on with your life as normal. Enjoy what you had and if things later down the road happen to lead to reconciliation than so be it. There is no reason to go above and beyond to "making it work" as if what lead up to the break-up didn't happen because it did. That can't be forgotten, it wont be forgotten, and can never be changed. Women will never forget that, you'll never forget that, and in the end you'll either try harder to be something you're not to make up for it or she'll eventually use it into guilt tripping your conscious.


    Excellent response. Thank you, you old school Totse member!
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  • ArkansanArkansan Regular
    edited August 2011
    I wouldn't read too much in to the stuff that she has left behind at your place, that could mean any one of a myriad of things and more than likely you will end up convincing yourself that it means whatever you want it to. For right now I wouldn't be looking for another relationship, get laid, take it easy. Try and focus your mind on other shit, get deep off into one of your hobbies or work, something that you like and that keeps your mind occupied. For me the easiest way to get over a break up was always to just stay too damned busy to think about it, enjoy your new found freedom, as hard as that may be to do. But that's all just my 2 cents. Best of luck man.
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  • proudclod9proudclod9 Regular
    edited August 2011
    Well, I'll mention one thing that hasn't been: rent the house to somebody..?

    I mean, you did say you're living in a house right, so the payments've gotta be a bitch, and I'm sure there're rooms...

    Let me ask you this--why'd her dad take the washer/dryer?
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  • OneMulattoOneMulatto Semo-Regulars
    edited August 2011
    Renting a room out would be difficult I believe. I am often @ work, on the road. I am home 4 days a week. Trust issues would arise with me if it came down to renting it to a random person because I have a lot of nice stuff. I did (did because I don't know if he is still coming here) have a brother (no blood relation, his father is my stepdad) that was wanting to move here from Phoenix, AZ to start a new life. I told him ALL he would have to pay is half of the mortgage which is $545 for a 3 bedroom house. He agreed. This was 1 month ago. Last time he was here I PAID for everything because he had no $ and I am a very nice, stupid guy. My thinking is I do not want that again. Also, I thought to myself, how bad is his life in that huge ass city that he is willing to leave everyone behind to start a new life in this shitty ass down with much shittier job opportunities than there is in Phoenix.

    He must not have any friends. He came down here to Illinois and I showed him a good time. I have a lot of friends that treated him like a long time friend because he was with me.

    I do not know anything about this guy that is my brother and I do not know why I keep calling him my brother. His name is William, though.

    I do have a savings account and I could, RIGHT NOW, withdraw money from my 401K but I DO NOT WANT to do that. I want that to be a last resort but it is looking like that last resort will be the first resort in the next couple of days.
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  • buddhabuddha Regular
    edited August 2011
    Well there has been a lot of good advice given, so no need to repeat it.

    BUT

    If you can afford to spend more than $700 on a fucking couch I don't really see you having a cash problem. More like a spending cash problem.

    And wanting nice stuff is fine and all, as long as you can afford it. Which by asking about a loan you have shown that you obviously can't. It's all about living within your means.

    Little off topic but, by not buying crap you don't need or overly expensive crap, you could have quite a few better things in life.

    Don't buy a new tv.
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  • ThirdRockFromTheSunThirdRockFromTheSun <b style="color:blue;">Third<em style="color:pink;">Cock</em>FromThe<em style="color:brown;">Bum</em
    edited August 2011
    I wouldn't ask her for the money. Borrowing big bucks like that from friends never goes down well. If you're having trouble keeping up with rent, or anything like that I'd just cut back on leisure items. Things you don't need but still excessively spend on.

    Now, if you do love her so much, don't listen to anyone else. Just ask her, if she wants to get back together. If she has a man, wait and then ask. Tell her plain out you want to get back together with her. If she says no, she says no, and you move on. You'll probably find someone better anyway :)
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  • Dark Kaiser ReduxDark Kaiser Redux Regular
    edited August 2011
    You stopped dealing?
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  • xbcnfujvxbcnfujv Regular
    edited September 2011
    so did you ask the bitch for $$$ or what?

    and what kind of situations? you got a drug habit?
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