Boyfriend v Personal Trainer
MrMojoRisin
Semo-Regulars
Hi, everyone! This was my old forum back in the day and I feel soo gay considering how much it means to me to post in S&A again. Yay. Maybe I'll get into it again and start spreading some sexual knowledge. But for now, I need objective opinion.
My boyfriend and I met two years ago as hardcore drinkers/partiers. We both bartend and lead the nightlife-lifestyle. However, we are getting older and staying up till 8am and blowing $100 every night on booze is not acceptable anymore. It's also a fast road to nowhere, broken dreams, addiction, no future etc.
So, we quit drinking a few months ago and now our differences are REALLY shining through. I have finally found my passion in life in fitness. Changed my major to exercise science, work at a gym (although I still bartend on the weekends). I will be a certified personal trainer and I already train people. I'm dedicated to working out and eat right.. I want to compete in figure this year. My entire life focus has switched from partying to honing in on my future goals and career path.
He, on the other hand, is making no such changes. Especially toward the fitness industry. He gets annoyed when I talk about nutrition, tried to sabotage my working out and eating, and basically discourages me. Yesterday, while showing off a bra, he says "you're too muscular" and walked away. I'm 5'5, 120 lbs. I am toned, nowhere near where competition-ready is gonna look.
Anyway, one of the trainers at the gym offered to help me get ready for my competition. This means at least 2 hours every day. And now, there is attraction on both our parts. He's got a fitness business already, a body builder, and will eat boiled chicken and broccoli with me. I feel like we're filling in the holes that each other's significant other is not.
Yeah, he's got a girlfriend.. of 5 years.. oh wait, baby mama. The 3rd baby mama.. Who is threatening to leave with their one year old if he doesn't marry her. He's gonna let her go. So he sounds like a total scumbag, right?
Regardless of all this, I am still attracted to him. He oozes testosterone. When he's working out I feel like dying. I train hard though when he trains me! IT makes it VERY easy to go to the gym and workout to my best everyday.
It's all relative, but do you think it's "bad" to use sexual attraction as fuel to an unrelated goal? I love my boyfriend, I will not cheat, and if fitness tears us apart then so be it. I'm not by an means intending to dump my boyfriend for my trainer, but the crush is there and I entertain it on a daily basis. That being said, I feel as if me and the BF don't work, I could end up falling in the PT's arms.. that is if his baby mama moves away as well.
I obviously don't see anything seriously long term with the guy, but it almost feels like this is the partner I need for my life right now. My boyfriend was that for my old life, drinking buddy, someone to commiserate with while hungover. And this guy wants to spend every minute in the gym, like the new me.
My boyfriend and I met two years ago as hardcore drinkers/partiers. We both bartend and lead the nightlife-lifestyle. However, we are getting older and staying up till 8am and blowing $100 every night on booze is not acceptable anymore. It's also a fast road to nowhere, broken dreams, addiction, no future etc.
So, we quit drinking a few months ago and now our differences are REALLY shining through. I have finally found my passion in life in fitness. Changed my major to exercise science, work at a gym (although I still bartend on the weekends). I will be a certified personal trainer and I already train people. I'm dedicated to working out and eat right.. I want to compete in figure this year. My entire life focus has switched from partying to honing in on my future goals and career path.
He, on the other hand, is making no such changes. Especially toward the fitness industry. He gets annoyed when I talk about nutrition, tried to sabotage my working out and eating, and basically discourages me. Yesterday, while showing off a bra, he says "you're too muscular" and walked away. I'm 5'5, 120 lbs. I am toned, nowhere near where competition-ready is gonna look.
Anyway, one of the trainers at the gym offered to help me get ready for my competition. This means at least 2 hours every day. And now, there is attraction on both our parts. He's got a fitness business already, a body builder, and will eat boiled chicken and broccoli with me. I feel like we're filling in the holes that each other's significant other is not.
Yeah, he's got a girlfriend.. of 5 years.. oh wait, baby mama. The 3rd baby mama.. Who is threatening to leave with their one year old if he doesn't marry her. He's gonna let her go. So he sounds like a total scumbag, right?
Regardless of all this, I am still attracted to him. He oozes testosterone. When he's working out I feel like dying. I train hard though when he trains me! IT makes it VERY easy to go to the gym and workout to my best everyday.
It's all relative, but do you think it's "bad" to use sexual attraction as fuel to an unrelated goal? I love my boyfriend, I will not cheat, and if fitness tears us apart then so be it. I'm not by an means intending to dump my boyfriend for my trainer, but the crush is there and I entertain it on a daily basis. That being said, I feel as if me and the BF don't work, I could end up falling in the PT's arms.. that is if his baby mama moves away as well.
I obviously don't see anything seriously long term with the guy, but it almost feels like this is the partner I need for my life right now. My boyfriend was that for my old life, drinking buddy, someone to commiserate with while hungover. And this guy wants to spend every minute in the gym, like the new me.
Comments
You are just into that guy because of your new life interests and the fact you now can see yourself even dating "that" kind of guy. There are plenty of gym rats out there that are available, and you shouldn't have any problem in the least finding a much more suitable companion. ANY guy with 3 kids and multiple mommies for those kids is just coming into any relationship with too much baggage. :thumbsdown:
As for your current guy, just put everything on an imaginary scale and way the pros and cons. Is he more of a burden to you then he is enhancing your life? This is advice I give about every problem or decision in life, because whether its picking a job, a spouse, or a new place to live...do NOT let the bullshit in life lessen how much you can grasp the enjoyment of each and every day.
With all of that being said, you can not hold resentment towards him because he isn't on your new found health kick. Chances are he may stay the partier the rest of his life, and that isn't a commentary about him, you, or what your relationship was. The sad truths are, people do grow apart because as they get older they do change their goals and idealogies. That is why divorce is so prevalent, and also why "mid life crisis" isn't just psychological mumbo jumbo.....instead real issues that couples face as they grow up, get older, and find themselves being vastly different people then they were years ago.
If you and your current guy can still kinda be the ying to each other's yang, then why not keep giving it a shot. Nowhere does it say you have to share EVERY intersest with your partner, and if now if after years you are each finding different interest or hobbies.....if you still have some commonality or there is nothing really "wrong" with the relationship as a whole, why not stay in it?
Only in time can you figure out the answers to these questions, but again don't be too judgemental on your current boyfriend or look back on this relationship with remorse if it does end. Everything that happended here is pretty much natural, and there is nothing "wrong" with you two not sharing the sames dreams or wants as you have evolved as people. Some times people grow up/old together in harmony, and other times not so much. There should be nothing to regret about any of it, because that IS life...and you did have a lot of good times with him while you were sharing it by his side.
I always find that relationships are based up on a dream - well, perfect ones at least - but all are based on a shared mutual goal. What was the goal, the motivation behind your current relationship? To have a drinking buddy? To get together with the hopes of settling down one day and having the hosue with the white picket fence and the kids and the dog? Or two lonely people sharing what they have?
It seems that you had one vice - drinking, pubbing and clubbing, stopped it dead in its tracks and replaced it with another - fittness and nutrition.
Did your boyfriend feel as strongly as you about stopping drinking - was it his idea or yours? Did he just want to cut down and when you came to the decision together, he was under the impression that you would go out maybe once a week or once a month for a blow out night out? Ask him.
Maybe he is feeling the same way - the comment about your figure and just walking away says to me that he has no interest in the fitness thing and sees that you have become the fitness thing - maybe he is projecting the one thing you now define yourself with onto you completly - and in all honesty with yourself - do you have anything else that defines you?
It is always a trap that is easy to fall into when you change something so fundemental about oneself - swapping a major part of your life for something else - and feeling the rest of your life needs a cleanout too.
If your boyfriend and yourself had continued with the old lifestyle, would it have lead to anything else eventually, or continued as same old same old?
As for your new infatuation - a bodybuilder with a trio of kids by a trio of women - smacks of deep seated self esteem issues, childishness and a salf absorbed nature - keep your distance and watch these traits come forward - jut make sure you keep your distance.
By all means, finish with your current man - but only for the reasons you can think for not wanting to be with him, rather than thinking what it could be like with the other guy.
The saying the grass is greener always rings true. Sure, it might look like clean, rich green pasture from this side of the fence, but pretty soon it is chewed down, full of weeds, poached and covered in shit.
But all in all he's a blessing to me. He gives me shit and sometimes I want blow both of our brains out, but for the most part he's my homie and love him. With THAT being said, we have an expiration date. When we met, I thought maybe he could be the one, but as time has gone on I've realized, he's perfect for right now. I'm not looking to make any drastic changes in my love life right now. But meeting PT has kind of made me stare the truth in the face. My needs in a life partner are not being fulfilled by BF anymore, I need reinforced discipline and he is the polar opposite of discipline.
When we first met, it was about having a down drinking buddy. "Awesome, I found some hot guy who wants to act like a drunk asshole and spend a bunch of money on liquor, cool!" Oh, and I have to admit, our social status in the bartending community played a role, people talked when we started dating.
DaGuru (Hi!) Anyway... I'm definitely not a home wrecker! I don't want them to break up. I told him I think it's crazy he's just going to let her go. He complains about her bitching to me while I think she's totally legitimate. He is selfish and his way of handling family matters, to me, is quite the turn off. Which is what I try to focus on so I'm not too swept up in his 20 inch arms... But at the same time.. DA-YUMN!
rocker, it's his thing to quit drinking for 3 months out of the year. I guess to restore sanity and keep the alcoholism slightly in check. I had been struggling with my own addiction to alcohol before I met him. He helped me really admit that I had a problem. Last year he did his 3 month sober thing, I kept drinking. This year we both stopped.
If we didn't, we'd both me broke slobs getting by. I can't imagine myself accomplishing much with a life that revolves around vodka and Red Bull. When you sleep all day, you don't get much done..
At the moment, this is my sole definition. Moderating S&A for however many years lead me to consider therapy and psychology. Now as my life experience has broadened beyond the bedroom (haha) I want to incorporate more into my goal of owning a clinic: Not just a "sit on my couch and let me tell you how to fix your life" but a place that helps with all aspects of health, physical, mental, spiritual, sexual, emotional. Right now though, I'm concentrating on my own body, pushing my limits to see what I'm really made of.
Rocker, your last three paragraphs are spot on. I can handle the shit my boyfriend throws at me. I may want to kick him in the face, but he's pretty easy to deal with. When I think about the load of shit on PT's plate, it comes to 'fuck buddy material only.'
HAHAHA! Pregnant.. I take my vitamins. Fuck that shit.. There'll be no #4 written on my forehead.
Hmm, so I'm going to continue to give my all to my relationship. And keep my arms up with the PT, but that doesn't mean I won't fuck the shit out of him one day. Maybe by the time I can fuck him in good conscience, I'll think he's a total dirtbag anyway.. Ugh, I know he's packin! The humanity!
The reason I ask is my wife is somewhat of a gym rat herself, and while I most definitely consider myself an athlete....I myself can't stand excersing just for the sake of excersising. You used some verbiage my wife has said to me before about her dedication to the gym.....
....but in my wife's case I don't believe her gym activities is sincerely making her a "better" person. I'm hopeful its different for you, but I'm wondering besides that mantra rolling around in your head, have you had any legitimate epiphanies during your recent changes where you've seen evidence besides your own hopes that this is in fact a "better" you?
My brother is one of the most objective people I've ever met. He's fair but skeptical all while hoping for the best. He sees the bodybuilding thing as an ego-feeding activity more than anything. I can see that. I've had a sordid relationship with my ego for my entire life and have been trying to get rid of it. Exercising, to me, is one way to be healthy and I feel it's a great spark to try to try to attain other aspects of health. For instance, it has really opened me up to get into meditating again.
All in all, I feel like I'm DOING and ACCOMPLISHING more in all other aspects. Where as before, I was just doing shit because it was necessary. I feel very proactive.
OP, Your BF sounds like a bitch. You should dump him. Who objects to their GF going to the gym?? Seriously? I have friends that wish their fatass GFs would go work out.
No one likes a quitter get back on the drinking part.
Fuck the trainer, go home to your bf.
Repeat
and i would be bored as shit hearing my GF blab on about Exercise.
There are any number of reasons why, and just because someone is "healthier", doesn't automatically make them "better".
For instance...what about the woman that can drag her ass out of bed at 5:00 a.m. to go to her super cool ab-cardio-power-kick-samba routine....but once the kids are in bed at 9:00 p.m. she is so exhausted just a handjob is out of the question for her man? :eek:
Or couple her gym diligence with shitty time management skills, and her attendance to her health needs makes her erratic and spastic in all the other appointments in her life. In essence she is not "handling" her life.....instead just putting one more pee on her plate she doesn't have time or room for. :thumbsdown:
Now from what Mojo is saying, that doesn't sound like her....but hopefully you get by point. Just because nice people do good things with all the right intent...does NOT mean they are automatically "bettering" themselves. As a matter of fact they might be making things worse, even if there is no malice in those actions.
Mojo I'm glad the gym is building a "better" you because it does't sound like everything else is out of control in your life. One last thing I'll comment about your situation though, I keep forgetting to touch on. You can't take it personal when he says stuff about you being "too toned/muscular". In a lot of ways I'm the same kinda guy....to me girls are supposed to be soft and squishy, and while I have a lot of tastes in different kinds of women and have bagged a gym rat or two myself...I get the potential lessening attraction. The point is if he legitimately did like the "older" you more...it may not have anything to do with any kind of negative insecurity on his part or any other psychological mumbo jumbo...instead he just equates muscle mass with manliness and if somehow you are less "feminine" in his eyes you can't really fault him for that.
I hope that last comment didn't come out wrong or sound too judgemental, instead just matter of factly state that again two people can do absolutely nothing "wrong" per se......but create differences between each other that do in fact exist despite the fact you love each other.
your post fucking sucks try again bot!