So this girl I had a few one night stands with has been going out with me recently. Nowhere fancy, and with nothing else in mind. Go out for a few drinks and it's obvious there's something still there. In fact I just got a text from her saying that cursed "Love" word I hate to even mutter.
I just need to rid myself of this situation. I really like her. Really, really do. However I know that if she got to know the real me, she'd soon realise what an utter cunt I am, have been and can be. Everything from how I dealt with last relationships (that involved weapons) and my misgynistic perspective on the world. I just flip. It's all good and then as soon as things look set to go down the Relationship rollercoaster, I turn to drugs and my borderline personality kicks in. I do stupid life-threatening shit just so I don't have to deal with the thought of me making someone else...happy, at least for the short term. I'd rather leave a good impression on a female than have them find out what I'm really like - and that's the point I'm at.
I've decided to go asexual. I can't be bothered having any form of physical contact beyond a hug with a female, and for that I know I'll slip into the Opiate-ridden world of having a non-functioning dick, no emotions and more importantly, no chance to even begin any feelings for any females. I hate the thought of being domesticated, faithful and hurt again. So that's it. I'm done with them. And any relationship (inb4 RemadE is a homo).
So time to think of what to say back to her text, if anything. Emotionally fucked as my second father (very close family friend) smashed his car up and is back in Hospital abroad tonight and he has been screwed over by females all his life, so it just makes me more bitter.
Any ideas? I don't want to turn back into my former self, but these girls put me into that position. Back to non-cutting/emo self harm mindsets andcoming to terms with the rabid dog inside me that I have to really keep on a leash - until they say that "love" word.