Ridding yourself of attachment — Totseans

Ridding yourself of attachment

RemadERemadE Global Moderator
edited February 2012 in Life
So this girl I had a few one night stands with has been going out with me recently. Nowhere fancy, and with nothing else in mind. Go out for a few drinks and it's obvious there's something still there. In fact I just got a text from her saying that cursed "Love" word I hate to even mutter.
I just need to rid myself of this situation. I really like her. Really, really do. However I know that if she got to know the real me, she'd soon realise what an utter cunt I am, have been and can be. Everything from how I dealt with last relationships (that involved weapons) and my misgynistic perspective on the world. I just flip. It's all good and then as soon as things look set to go down the Relationship rollercoaster, I turn to drugs and my borderline personality kicks in. I do stupid life-threatening shit just so I don't have to deal with the thought of me making someone else...happy, at least for the short term. I'd rather leave a good impression on a female than have them find out what I'm really like - and that's the point I'm at.

I've decided to go asexual. I can't be bothered having any form of physical contact beyond a hug with a female, and for that I know I'll slip into the Opiate-ridden world of having a non-functioning dick, no emotions and more importantly, no chance to even begin any feelings for any females. I hate the thought of being domesticated, faithful and hurt again. So that's it. I'm done with them. And any relationship (inb4 RemadE is a homo).

So time to think of what to say back to her text, if anything. Emotionally fucked as my second father (very close family friend) smashed his car up and is back in Hospital abroad tonight and he has been screwed over by females all his life, so it just makes me more bitter.

Any ideas? I don't want to turn back into my former self, but these girls put me into that position. Back to non-cutting/emo self harm mindsets andcoming to terms with the rabid dog inside me that I have to really keep on a leash - until they say that "love" word.

Comments

  • Darth BeaverDarth Beaver Meine Ehre heißt Treue
    edited February 2012
    You need to find a woman and stop fucking around with girls. Put yourself out there as cougar bait.
  • RogueEagle91RogueEagle91 Regular
    edited February 2012
    First of all, DB is spot on.
    A real woman is going to be just as hesitant to really jump into things as you. Why? Because there's some hurt somewhere and they want to build trust.

    Sounds like relationships make you claustrophobic.
    I'm much the same way, and man does it suck a girthy dick.
    For me, it's less the faithfulness that's at issue as much as feeling my freedom is jeopardized.
    While I do have obligations to some things, generally I prefer moving freely on a social level.
    I hate "going out" as a couple. Cannot fucking stand it.
    It's a pain. I'm assuming I'll get over it. There's one gal right now that I feel I could, though I'm not holding my breath.
    As such, you'll get past it, too. Being a young pup, I can't necessarily speak from experience, but it seems to be something that one grows out of.

    As for your needing to rid yourself of attachment.
    I don't know how to respond to the text.
    I probably wouldn't, but I hold little fear for being a dick.
    You seem to want to put yourself in a mindset where this is doable without leading down any sort of self-destructive path.
    Go outside at night where the sky is clear of clouds and light pollution.
    Look up to the stars. Let the impending feeling of insignificance wash over you.
    Realize that there are even more people on this world than stars you can see.
    Pass that feeling of insignificance along.
    There are 3.5 billion vaginas floating around this world.
    Not all of 'em belong to bitches vying to rip yer fucking heart out.
    Back off of all this and have some patience, mate.

    Hope at least some part of my ramblings help.
    I should apologize if it doesn't or makes no sense. My liver is marinating in whiskey right now.
  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited February 2012
    From this point on, I will be looking at older people (as I always got on with those a few years my senior - and I know, Cougars are about 10+ years older), and RE, I have trust AND freedom issues. I enjoy being able to do what I want, when I want. Nothing worse than feeling as though you are in a box of hell, cue the "ball and chain" marriage metaphor. I can totally understand. I didn't reply to the text as I passed out and woke up with 5 minutes to get to my Doctors Appointment and Lecture. Wasn't too cool. It's just getting rid of the self destruction as it's either me or them, so rather than go to Prison, I'd rather just off myself. Seriously, I get like this:

    Totally with you on the billions of vaginas in the world which is the thread of hope that keeps me going - not that I want to be with one of them, but rather that the world is bigger than this storm in a teacup. To be fair I wrote the rant above when slightly drunk, but it is true. I'm in no rush, unlike my mates (bar one) who are in the process of settling down, much to my hatred - directed to the female, not my friend. I just turn into a misogyny-harbouring bloke who goes through that self/destruction mindset, hence the intense counselling sessions (not that they can change me if I don't want to change, plus almost all psychotherapists are female which means I'm not going to tell the truth). No worries about being drunk. Like I said, I was when I ranted on in the original post.
  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited February 2012
    The asexual purging is going quite well. Told a girl how it was just now as she was spread-eagle on my bed and had a boyfriend back home, but was just laying down how I felt.
    Ain't taking any woman crap. Yes that's right, turned down a spread eagle girl on my bed who came over. Most guys would just just in dick first.

    Plus the most said line this week "RemadE, are you always this confusing?"

    Never has the line "if one does not know oneself, one will not know another" been more true. Looking after number 1 :thumbsup:
  • JackedJacked Regular
    edited February 2012
    Rem, u From oz mate?
  • chippychippy <b style="color:pink;">Global Moderator</b>
    edited February 2012
    RemadE from OZ? Noooo, His ancestors missed the boat LOL
  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited February 2012
    Lol no, far from Oz. UK Overlords represent!
  • chippychippy <b style="color:pink;">Global Moderator</b>
    edited February 2012
    Go away girl, go away
    and let me pack my dreams
    Now where did I put those yesteryears
    made up with broken seams
    Where shall I sweep the pieces
    my God they still look new
    There's a taxi waiting at the door
    but there's only room for you

    Spike
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