My Toilet seat is too small, or "How i found out toiletcleaner and my dick don't mix"

TasmanianDevilTasmanianDevil Semo-Regulars
edited December 2012 in Spurious Generalities
Earlier today i was doing a bit of cleaning and decided the toilet bowl needed a good cleaning, so i gave it a healthy dose of toiletbowl cleaner and went on my merry way cleaning the rest of my apartment.
Fast forward 30 minutes and i was feeling the need to use the toilet, so after deploying splash back and toiletbowl skid-mark countermeasures i took a seat and did my business.

After completing the deposit it was time to wipe, so i scooted forward on the seat to be able to reach behind, and as i did i felt my dick touch cold porcelain, and i recoiled instinctively but the damage was already done, now a burning sensation was quickly spreading on my "little friend". :mad:
The burning was not too bad to begin with but after a few seconds it was starting to really hurt, and i quickly came to the conclusion that the chemicals in the toilet bowl cleaner must be the cause of this pain.

Not being something i had experienced before i was not sure how to deal with my new dilemma, but rinsing my member of with water seemed like a good idea.
This at first did not seem to work very well but after what felt like a few minutes the worst burning was starting to fade, leaving me with a organ slightly more red than usual and with a dull burning sensation and a terrible itch on the affected areas.

A few hours later and it no longer burns or itches, but it is a little red still.
I hope this does not cause any long term problems.


Lessons learned:
Strong chemicals and my dick don't mix. :facepalm:
Rinse out the toilet properly after cleaning with strong chemicals.
Take care not to touch inside of toilet bowl with my dick.
They should make bigger toilet seats, even my quite average dick had no problem reaching the front of the toilet, i am surprised the problem has never presented itself before.

Comments

  • GoingNowhereGoingNowhere Global Moderator
    edited December 2012
    Ahh dude that sucks. But hey, Totse prides itself on useful advice :P What sucked for me when I had a new toilet was that the plastic seat was coated with something that made the hairs on your legs and behind stick to the seat so when you got up it pulled all the hairs. Was pretty painful to get off the seat I can tell you that!!!
  • bornkillerbornkiller Administrator In your girlfriends snatch
    edited December 2012
    Pics? .... :confused:
  • DaktologistDaktologist Global Moderator
    edited December 2012
    Stand up when you wipe your arse. Problem solved :)
  • Darth BeaverDarth Beaver Meine Ehre heißt Treue
    edited December 2012
    I have the same problem with my toilet and the water is really deep too.
  • TasmanianDevilTasmanianDevil Semo-Regulars
    edited December 2012
    bornkiller wrote: »
    Pics? .... :confused:
    Hmm... no.
    Stand up when you wipe your arse. Problem solved :)
    Thats usualy how i do it, but i guess i was too lazy this time. Could explain why i never run into this problem before.


    Anyway, back to normal down there, so hopefully no damage done. :hai:
  • DaktologistDaktologist Global Moderator
    edited December 2012
    Hmm caustic chemicals and cocks shouldn't mix
  • Darth BeaverDarth Beaver Meine Ehre heißt Treue
    edited December 2012
    I have just had a brilliant marketing idea. Cock safe toilet cleaner...
  • TasmanianDevilTasmanianDevil Semo-Regulars
    edited December 2012
    I have just had a brilliant marketing idea. Cock safe toilet cleaner...

    [Advert]
    *Insert smiling model holding the product*
    Have your dick had the misfortune of contact with industrial strength cleaning agents?
    If you have you will know it can be a painful and stressful event, take steps to protect yourself NOW!
    Introducing DickSAFE(TM), the only bathroom cleaner safe to use on your own "pipe"!
    [/Advert]

    10/10 product, would buy. :D
  • GoingNowhereGoingNowhere Global Moderator
    edited December 2012
    At least it was toilet not drain cleaner..... :p
  • Darth BeaverDarth Beaver Meine Ehre heißt Treue
    edited December 2012
    [Advert]
    *Insert smiling model holding the product*
    Have your dick had the misfortune of contact with industrial strength cleaning agents?
    If you have you will know it can be a painful and stressful event, take steps to protect yourself NOW!
    Introducing DickSAFE(TM), the only bathroom cleaner safe to use on your own "pipe"!
    [/Advert]

    10/10 product, would buy. :D

    +1.
  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited December 2012
    LOL! I am really paranoid about bleach and taking a dump. Don't want a ring of fire (and having a nicely long schlong means I don't fancy a burnt bell-end either). That advert proposal cracked me up a treat, too :hai:

    I think having Crohn's is a bit of a gift in this situation as I usually have bum-gravy so it's not so much a splash, just a forceful jet.

    Edit: Just went for a dump after writing this. Was one of those nausea-inducing ones that, thanks to a lack of Morphine, had been cooking for a while. Oh god. I think I'd prefer bleach on my ring.
  • TasmanianDevilTasmanianDevil Semo-Regulars
    edited December 2012
    At least it was toilet not drain cleaner..... :p

    Now that would be very unfortunate, i bet it would burn your skin off in no time.
  • ThirdRockFromTheSunThirdRockFromTheSun <b style="color:blue;">Third<em style="color:pink;">Cock</em>FromThe<em style="color:brown;">Bum</em
    edited December 2012
    Burning or itching on the cock must be the worst place to have it. I'm glad it's feeling a bit better bro. Any ointment you think you could use?
  • Darth BeaverDarth Beaver Meine Ehre heißt Treue
    edited December 2012
    RemadE wrote: »
    LOL! I am really paranoid about bleach and taking a dump. Don't want a ring of fire (and having a nicely long schlong means I don't fancy a burnt bell-end either). That advert proposal cracked me up a treat, too :hai:

    I think having Crohn's is a bit of a gift in this situation as I usually have bum-gravy so it's not so much a splash, just a forceful jet.

    Edit: Just went for a dump after writing this. Was one of those nausea-inducing ones that, thanks to a lack of Morphine, had been cooking for a while. Oh god. I think I'd prefer bleach on my ring.
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