My new phobia...assholes! [NSFW links..and language]

RemadERemadE Global Moderator
edited December 2012 in Spurious Generalities
It seems I've taken a weird turn in life. Again.
This time it isn't about enlightenment, work, my medical condition or any of that stuff. This time it's about everyone. Any living organism on this planet, and specifically those of the opposite sex.

I can't stand assholes.

Not the derogatory term for an annoying or otherwise negative-association of the word with a person type, but instead the chocolate starfish, the bunghole, the poop chute, output device. The anus.

Why, may you ask? Well it's simple guys and girls.

In recent months I have taken it upon myself to waste copious amounts of time to watch pornographic images, both moving and still as most unemployed Males do. They are great, until somewhere along the line I see, in this beautiful age of High Definition, an anus. Maybe it has a stray hair on it, or a freckle that looks like a piece of shit, or maybe even a dick up there.

But why RemadE, WHY does it bother you? Everyone shits.

That's exactly it. Ok I will go into my medical condition a bit here as it gives the basis for it. In short I avoid eating food because of two reasons
  • It's uncomfortable and I instantly think whenever I see anyone eating food "goddamn, you're churning that into crap"
  • Having an Opiate problem means I crap out something that resembles a tree stump if I were to eat

So that was the basis. For some reason whenever I see a photo of a gorgeous woman that so many of us have tugged our todgers over in .JPG or .FLV format all I can think about when I see her in a position that openly reveals her poop chute is the screen filling with shit. The most ugly, heinous, retch-inducing load of crap that were to ever come out of her ugly internal side - a beautiful rendition, showing the stark contrast between the outer beauty and inner beast. The glorious vagina, and almost deathly anus. This goes for ANY girl I see. Even walking to Town just now.

I don't know why. I really don't. I can't even fap without either bursting into fits of giggles or being sick (true story, I won't discuss it here though as it involves others).

So what are the solutions?
I don't know. I've stuck my dick in a coked up girl and I can tell you now that when smell-o-vision comes out you will never watch an anal scene again. You will also, like me, have nightmares that you are fucking a girl doggy style and they will unleash brown, semi-liquid stink sauce all over you - some splashing onto your chin and grimaced lips. I CAN'T ESCAPE IT! EVEN WHEN I TALK TO A HOT GIRL MY DOG SHITS ON MY SHOE!
It's like I am drowning in a life of crap, both metaphorically, mentally and if I'm having a bad day - literally.

I think it's time to forget the internet. At least for a few hours...until I get back from reading a book where no doubt I'll imagine it in literary form.

Ok I just clicked on a totally random link on Reddit which is NSFW, AND THERE IT IS! STARING, WINKING AT ME! AND SO IS THIS ONE, WITH ADDED GRIN!

Feel free to publish this as an article as I may need professional help.

Comments

  • Darth BeaverDarth Beaver Meine Ehre heißt Treue
    edited November 2012
    I sometimes say, "This tastes great, too bad it's gonna taste like shit tomorrow".
  • DfgDfg Admin
    edited November 2012
    You know, you just ruined my fapping time as well. Fuck, I never notice that part but since it's highlighted I am now interested in seeing a literal example. Time for some scat porn, buddy you need help.
  • TasmanianDevilTasmanianDevil Semo-Regulars
    edited December 2012
    Ok, did not know quite what to expect but, yeah.
    What has been read cannot be unread.

    Why did i click this thread? :confused:
  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited December 2012
    A problem shared, beloved friends. A problem shared.
    And you were warned, Tasmanian ;) when an article comes up on here, be it real like this or...sort of real like bald eagles and camel fucking *points to Dfg* then it's gonna be twisted somehow.

    thanks for the article, Dfg :hai:
  • DfgDfg Admin
    edited December 2012
    RemadE wrote: »
    A problem shared, beloved friends. A problem shared.
    And you were warned, Tasmanian ;) when an article comes up on here, be it real like this or...sort of real like bald eagles and camel fucking *points to Dfg* then it's gonna be twisted somehow.

    thanks for the article, Dfg :hai:

    Anything for you bro :)
  • TasmanianDevilTasmanianDevil Semo-Regulars
    edited December 2012
    RemadE wrote: »
    A problem shared, beloved friends. A problem shared.
    And you were warned, Tasmanian ;) when an article comes up on here, be it real like this or...sort of real like bald eagles and camel fucking *points to Dfg* then it's gonna be twisted somehow.

    thanks for the article, Dfg :hai:

    No worries, not like i was planing on anal sex anytime soon. :sad:

    lol at the picture in the article.
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