How To Deal With Being Stuck in a "Rut."
Author's note: I'm not finished with this guide, but I wanted to get this up first, then add the other 3 sections later.
DISCLAIMER: This is a guide about being stuck in rut, or basically, a bad situation in your life. This isn't to be confused with depression,anxiety, or any kind of mental disorder. If you have issues beyond the scope of this guide, seek out proper medical attention.
God dammit, not again.
For the rest of you, you should all know what I'm talking about. Life throws us all curve balls, and as a human beings, we gotta adapt to them. You might be in a rut because of choices you made, or choices made for you. Either way, it can be a tough deal, but following these guidelines will help you out. Whether it be one facet of your life in need of improvement, the first step is here and now, deciding you are gonna man up and fix things. Good Job so far, by the way. And now, with just a bit or self discipline, positive attitude, some mental training, and some balls, you too can muscle yourself out of this temporary shit storm.
I took the liberty of dividing this guide into sections, depending on what you need to change in your life. I'd still advise you to read the entire guide, but if only one of these applies to you, best of luck.
Social Life
Don't have a lot of friends? Can't hold a conversation? Feel out of place? Tired of the crowd you're rolling with? Don't fret, even the "coolest" of us have had these issues before. The trick is to remember a few fundamentals most of us put out of our minds, and a few other tricks too.
1.Nobody has to "earn" your respect.
Probably some of the biggest assholes are the guys that have the mentality that people need to "prove" themselves to them in order to have their respect. Don't be this kind of person. It doesn't matter who your dad is, or many records you broke in high-school, or how bad-ass you think you are. Everyone should have your respect unless they prove they aren't worthy of it, not the other way around. Otherwise, people aren't gonna wanna to talk to you because they'll be intimidated/ think you're a prick.
2.You don't have to respect everybody, but try to treat everyone with respect.
I had this English teacher who was a total doucher. Told students to shut up, told them their writing was shit, and bullied students to boost his little ego. I didn't like him, and I called him a dick eventually and told him he was a shit teacher(he was actually an amazing teacher, just a bad person). I argued with him all the time, and got thrown out of his class eventually. I had no respect for him, but I did treat him with respect because I needed to pass his class regardless. The point is, there are a myriad of people in the world that aren't worthy of keeping your respect, but it's just not worth it to sink to their level. It makes you feel dumb in the end for getting pissed off, and it doesn't benefit you in the long run anyway.
3.That being said, don't be a pushover either.
People will press your buttons as long as they know you won't do anything about it. Stand up for yourself. How do you do this? Well, don't threaten them, get pissed off, or yell at them, that shows they are getting to you. If you just act like you don't give a shit, they will move on eventually. Also, don't let people tell you what to do. Be your own guy. Having the ability to say no is a virtue.
4.A little goes a long way.
People remember the little things you do, whether it be holding a door for them or giving them a weird look. You might not be able to comprehend what one little action might change someones opinion of you. It sounds stupid, but it does hold true.
5.Don't talk too much.
Best way to ruin a conversation. Nobody wants to talk to someone they think just likes to hear their own voice. Learn to articulate your thoughts before you share them, and try to be concise.
6.Don't swear that much.
This one you may not agree with, but its universally accepted that saying fuck 4 times in one sentence isn't classy. If it was, homeless people wouldn't say it so much. Also, the group you attract by talking with a filthy mouth may not be the best crowd to hang with. Learn when it's appropriate, and when it's not.
7.Be yourself.
This is the piece of advice that is probably the most shared, but its only because it holds true. Don't try to be somebody else. People can recognize a fake with low self esteem. Don't share all of your embarrassing idiosyncracies, but don't ever pretend to be someone else either. If people like the fake you instead of the real you, they aren't really your friends, and you aren't theirs, because they are friends with someone who doesn't exist. You can bullshit a few things, but only you can decide who you really are.
8.Put yourself out there.
You won't meet anybody by sitting on your couch listening to Creed and watching Family Guy. Go to as many social gatherings as you can; even if you don't feel like it; you never know what kind of people you'll meet. Go with a buddy to a party you weren't invited to, and bring some weed to pass around. I don't think people will wanna send you home so quickly, and that gives you time to get to know people and spit some game on any tail present.
9.Know who you're talking to.
While it was stated earlier that its important to be yourself, the truth is, we act like a slightly different version of ourselves depending on who we are around. In some people, it's more evident than others, but it's important to be versatile in different social circles. You aren't gonna talk to your drug dealer the same way you're gonna talk to your girlfriends parents, right?
10.Don't take things personally.
People out there will criticize you, bully you, harass you, do whatever to boost their ego. Just recognize this and don't retaliate. This is hard for some people, but don't develop insecurities because of what someone makes fun of you for.
Love Life
Maybe you got out of a nasty breakup, maybe you've had a dry spell for a long time, maybe its both of these. I'm no Casanova, but I've learned a few things. Some of these also apply to friendships, but I put them here anyway.
1.Don't feel sorry for yourself.
Sure, you can pout and masturbate,and think nobody loves you, but thats only gonna make you more depressed, not to mention its wasting time you could be using doing something more productive, like meeting females. After a long relationship, yeah, it's alright, but don't try to spend too long pining over one girl when there are thousands within your vicinity. Pretend it doesn't bother you when you're with people, and make the effort not to think about her.
Look in Rabbitweed's breakup guide for a much better explanation.
2.Get out there and meet people.
This ties in with one of the tips shown earlier. Go to parties, clubs, concerts, sporting events, anime conventions, whatever you're into. Don't even have the mentality of going out and picking up chicks, just talk to them. Even if you aren't attracted, they might have a friend they want you to meet. The main idea is that you don't want to be at home being lonely, you want to be out there enjoying life. Don't let some bitch get in the way of that.
3.Always have a wingman/wingmen.
Even the best pickup artists use wingmen, because let's face it, unless you're the old duder from the dos equis commercials, you're gonna feel bad after getting rejected, you're gonna feel uncomfortable not knowing people, and you're not gonna wanna do it alone. A wingman is not just a sidekick, but a coach and an observer. You might not be able to see what you did wrong, but there is a better chance he will by watching you. Be sure to use a good guy as your wingman, too. Otherwise, your sorry ass trying to get laid may end up just being his entertainment.
4.Be an Alpha-Male.
What is that? Well, it basically means be a fuggin' man. Walk like you are a somebody, don't take people's shit, and make your own decisions. Have confidence,not cockiness. The difference? Confidence is knowing you are great, cockiness is telling everyone how great you are. You can read all about how to be an alpha male, but every man knows what one looks like, and how they act, so just be one. If you need inspiration, there are hundreds of alpha males in history and media to aspire to be.
5.Groom and dress right.
If you plan on meeting girls while you're looking like Grizzly Adams, go ahead and just stay home. It's true that most women like 5 o' clock shadow, and many like facial hair, but you need to keep that shit in check. Same goes for dressing. You don't have to be a runway model, just wear something that is clean and in good condition. If you want, make your own trademark style, or copy someone else's. Do whichever. Just keep clean or you won't get to do the dirty.
6.Don't be desperate.
Simple enough, have some self-respect and don't guilt them into wanting you, it's not gonna work anyway.
7.Use humor.
I can't really explain how to be funny. I mean, it's mostly just timing, but whatever stupid ass joke you conjure up, just say it like it's the funniest thing ever thought of. Sometimes a bad joke is funny in itself.
8.Be interesting.
You can teach people how to be interesting though, it's as easy as going out and doing things. Interesting shit is bound to happen, I promise. After these things happen, the teaching is in how you tell the story of what happened. Exaggerate a little, use suspense, look them in the eye, and paint a mental picture of what happened. I used to suck at telling really interesting stories until I listened to really interesting people. So uh, do that too.
9.Don't look into too much literature about how to meet girls.
Why? Two reasons. A., it says pretty much all of the same shit anyway, and 2., you won't actually learn anything until you go out there and do work, son.
10.Never ever ever give up.
Don't let rejection get the best of you. Sometimes, you might have just fucked up. Also, the lady might just be a bitch. Either way, shake it off, and if that doesn't work, watch this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsCO-YkDgnY
DISCLAIMER: This is a guide about being stuck in rut, or basically, a bad situation in your life. This isn't to be confused with depression,anxiety, or any kind of mental disorder. If you have issues beyond the scope of this guide, seek out proper medical attention.
God dammit, not again.
For the rest of you, you should all know what I'm talking about. Life throws us all curve balls, and as a human beings, we gotta adapt to them. You might be in a rut because of choices you made, or choices made for you. Either way, it can be a tough deal, but following these guidelines will help you out. Whether it be one facet of your life in need of improvement, the first step is here and now, deciding you are gonna man up and fix things. Good Job so far, by the way. And now, with just a bit or self discipline, positive attitude, some mental training, and some balls, you too can muscle yourself out of this temporary shit storm.
I took the liberty of dividing this guide into sections, depending on what you need to change in your life. I'd still advise you to read the entire guide, but if only one of these applies to you, best of luck.
Social Life
Don't have a lot of friends? Can't hold a conversation? Feel out of place? Tired of the crowd you're rolling with? Don't fret, even the "coolest" of us have had these issues before. The trick is to remember a few fundamentals most of us put out of our minds, and a few other tricks too.
1.Nobody has to "earn" your respect.
Probably some of the biggest assholes are the guys that have the mentality that people need to "prove" themselves to them in order to have their respect. Don't be this kind of person. It doesn't matter who your dad is, or many records you broke in high-school, or how bad-ass you think you are. Everyone should have your respect unless they prove they aren't worthy of it, not the other way around. Otherwise, people aren't gonna wanna to talk to you because they'll be intimidated/ think you're a prick.
2.You don't have to respect everybody, but try to treat everyone with respect.
I had this English teacher who was a total doucher. Told students to shut up, told them their writing was shit, and bullied students to boost his little ego. I didn't like him, and I called him a dick eventually and told him he was a shit teacher(he was actually an amazing teacher, just a bad person). I argued with him all the time, and got thrown out of his class eventually. I had no respect for him, but I did treat him with respect because I needed to pass his class regardless. The point is, there are a myriad of people in the world that aren't worthy of keeping your respect, but it's just not worth it to sink to their level. It makes you feel dumb in the end for getting pissed off, and it doesn't benefit you in the long run anyway.
3.That being said, don't be a pushover either.
People will press your buttons as long as they know you won't do anything about it. Stand up for yourself. How do you do this? Well, don't threaten them, get pissed off, or yell at them, that shows they are getting to you. If you just act like you don't give a shit, they will move on eventually. Also, don't let people tell you what to do. Be your own guy. Having the ability to say no is a virtue.
4.A little goes a long way.
People remember the little things you do, whether it be holding a door for them or giving them a weird look. You might not be able to comprehend what one little action might change someones opinion of you. It sounds stupid, but it does hold true.
5.Don't talk too much.
Best way to ruin a conversation. Nobody wants to talk to someone they think just likes to hear their own voice. Learn to articulate your thoughts before you share them, and try to be concise.
6.Don't swear that much.
This one you may not agree with, but its universally accepted that saying fuck 4 times in one sentence isn't classy. If it was, homeless people wouldn't say it so much. Also, the group you attract by talking with a filthy mouth may not be the best crowd to hang with. Learn when it's appropriate, and when it's not.
7.Be yourself.
This is the piece of advice that is probably the most shared, but its only because it holds true. Don't try to be somebody else. People can recognize a fake with low self esteem. Don't share all of your embarrassing idiosyncracies, but don't ever pretend to be someone else either. If people like the fake you instead of the real you, they aren't really your friends, and you aren't theirs, because they are friends with someone who doesn't exist. You can bullshit a few things, but only you can decide who you really are.
8.Put yourself out there.
You won't meet anybody by sitting on your couch listening to Creed and watching Family Guy. Go to as many social gatherings as you can; even if you don't feel like it; you never know what kind of people you'll meet. Go with a buddy to a party you weren't invited to, and bring some weed to pass around. I don't think people will wanna send you home so quickly, and that gives you time to get to know people and spit some game on any tail present.
9.Know who you're talking to.
While it was stated earlier that its important to be yourself, the truth is, we act like a slightly different version of ourselves depending on who we are around. In some people, it's more evident than others, but it's important to be versatile in different social circles. You aren't gonna talk to your drug dealer the same way you're gonna talk to your girlfriends parents, right?
10.Don't take things personally.
People out there will criticize you, bully you, harass you, do whatever to boost their ego. Just recognize this and don't retaliate. This is hard for some people, but don't develop insecurities because of what someone makes fun of you for.
Love Life
Maybe you got out of a nasty breakup, maybe you've had a dry spell for a long time, maybe its both of these. I'm no Casanova, but I've learned a few things. Some of these also apply to friendships, but I put them here anyway.
1.Don't feel sorry for yourself.
Sure, you can pout and masturbate,and think nobody loves you, but thats only gonna make you more depressed, not to mention its wasting time you could be using doing something more productive, like meeting females. After a long relationship, yeah, it's alright, but don't try to spend too long pining over one girl when there are thousands within your vicinity. Pretend it doesn't bother you when you're with people, and make the effort not to think about her.
Look in Rabbitweed's breakup guide for a much better explanation.
2.Get out there and meet people.
This ties in with one of the tips shown earlier. Go to parties, clubs, concerts, sporting events, anime conventions, whatever you're into. Don't even have the mentality of going out and picking up chicks, just talk to them. Even if you aren't attracted, they might have a friend they want you to meet. The main idea is that you don't want to be at home being lonely, you want to be out there enjoying life. Don't let some bitch get in the way of that.
3.Always have a wingman/wingmen.
Even the best pickup artists use wingmen, because let's face it, unless you're the old duder from the dos equis commercials, you're gonna feel bad after getting rejected, you're gonna feel uncomfortable not knowing people, and you're not gonna wanna do it alone. A wingman is not just a sidekick, but a coach and an observer. You might not be able to see what you did wrong, but there is a better chance he will by watching you. Be sure to use a good guy as your wingman, too. Otherwise, your sorry ass trying to get laid may end up just being his entertainment.
4.Be an Alpha-Male.
What is that? Well, it basically means be a fuggin' man. Walk like you are a somebody, don't take people's shit, and make your own decisions. Have confidence,not cockiness. The difference? Confidence is knowing you are great, cockiness is telling everyone how great you are. You can read all about how to be an alpha male, but every man knows what one looks like, and how they act, so just be one. If you need inspiration, there are hundreds of alpha males in history and media to aspire to be.
5.Groom and dress right.
If you plan on meeting girls while you're looking like Grizzly Adams, go ahead and just stay home. It's true that most women like 5 o' clock shadow, and many like facial hair, but you need to keep that shit in check. Same goes for dressing. You don't have to be a runway model, just wear something that is clean and in good condition. If you want, make your own trademark style, or copy someone else's. Do whichever. Just keep clean or you won't get to do the dirty.
6.Don't be desperate.
Simple enough, have some self-respect and don't guilt them into wanting you, it's not gonna work anyway.
7.Use humor.
I can't really explain how to be funny. I mean, it's mostly just timing, but whatever stupid ass joke you conjure up, just say it like it's the funniest thing ever thought of. Sometimes a bad joke is funny in itself.
8.Be interesting.
You can teach people how to be interesting though, it's as easy as going out and doing things. Interesting shit is bound to happen, I promise. After these things happen, the teaching is in how you tell the story of what happened. Exaggerate a little, use suspense, look them in the eye, and paint a mental picture of what happened. I used to suck at telling really interesting stories until I listened to really interesting people. So uh, do that too.
9.Don't look into too much literature about how to meet girls.
Why? Two reasons. A., it says pretty much all of the same shit anyway, and 2., you won't actually learn anything until you go out there and do work, son.
10.Never ever ever give up.
Don't let rejection get the best of you. Sometimes, you might have just fucked up. Also, the lady might just be a bitch. Either way, shake it off, and if that doesn't work, watch this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsCO-YkDgnY
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