Ok I feel this needs a bit of an introduction.
I spent a while working on this, coming back every so often, getting input from various girls on things and getting the formatting to an alright level. However with all that, I can't help but feel like there is something missing. Maybe there isn't, but I'm sure you know that nagging feeling you get when you hand in an essay and you feel you've missed something out - no matter how small.
Anyway, here is version 1 of the text file/guide. It's essentially a collection of techniques that have worked for me, mostly at University and College, ans yes, there's even bits of info in here straight from the mouth of those mystic creatures we know as "women"! Amazing, huh? Like I said, this has worked for me in the past, but then again I didn't go around with crib-notes written on my hand or stored on my phone so this is not designed to be some sort of glorified holy document for getting poon, y'hear? I take no responsibility if you're beyond help with social situations :facepalm:
So, here we go. This may be subject to update at any time, so as I said, for now, here's Version 1.0
Over the years I have had great success with Women and social situations in general - and I know you are reading this either wondering what I am on about due to curiosity, or because you want to learn how I had a title of being a bit of a guy that can pick up and influence females, but also how friends would actually ask me things like
- "Seriously, how do you get to talk to people out of nowhere?"
- "Where does your confidence come from?"
- "Do you practice this stuff?"
No word of a lie.
Sure I had a place to bring them back to, so that is always a help. If you can accommodate her, she will accomodate you. If you get me
Here's a table of contents with what's coming up.
1) Introduction and why "Alpha" and "Pick up Artist" stuff is (mostly) bullshit
2) Body Language/Nonverbal communication
3) The game of Mental Chess
5) Interaction ideas and preparation
6) Having the pick of the bunch
Introduction and why "Aplha" and "Pick up Artist" stuff is (mostly) bullshit
This guide is the no-nonsense, bullshit free way of how to learn, practice and master the art of being able to influence and manipulate social situations - with a lean towards using it on women.
The reason I listed the things I've been told is because I am going to share the not-so-secret "secrets" I followed for years with you. This stuff is not
some fake Alpha-Male hierarchy bollocks because that stuff does not
It's doesn't. Sure, if I were to ask you what kind of guys you think girls go for, and you are in your late Teens to early Twenties, you'd instantly think "jerks" or "bad guys". I promised not to lie, and I won't, so it's true - some girls do like "bad guy" types, but what constitues that persona? Chances are that guy is faking it or a genuine cunt, and any girl who is after that particular type is in it for the money and social status. You can be any person you want - because the secret to influencing people includes body language, and with enough practice, you can learn to fake it.
If you can fake it and master it over time, you can become it.
If you can become it, you don't need to fake it.
See where I'm going with it? Anyone can be anyone.
Pick Up Artists and "Game", both myself and the girls I've met over time could rant forever about it and how it's designed for the most antisocial dregs of the Male population, but I'll try not to. If you follow that stuff, be prepared to only have a vocabulary of pre-determined phrases as you sit and study a book or forum full of absolute crap when you should be out with people and getting somewhere learning from mistakes - not thinking "oh she negged me" or "how should I approach this situation? Those angles..". If you are one of those fools who believe in the "Game" of what I am about to describe, then the following will come as a shock - because there are other successful and less creepy ways to get your dick wet.
Thanks to scammer Pick up Artists, you constantly analyse situations, wheras I intend to teach you to already be prepared and change things around if need be. Sure you can be anyone you want, but the foremost objective should be to manipulate the situation, and your power will be picked up on. Instead of thinking about a girl "negging" you or trying to get their number within a designated time, your thoughts will flow naturally and you won't have to think about all that, hold your drink, keep a conversation up and recount all the things you studied just to get a girls' number.
It fucks with their head, but most of all, you'll end up running circles and look like a total idiot who needs that drink because you now have a headache from analysing every possible situational angle you just encountered.
Look! I just can't comprehend the level of shit in this video - this is what I am talking about
Instead, this is about body language, timing, self confidence and maintaining respectability.
I hear you ask. Well, girls have a sixth sense where they know if you're someone they don't like. It's like a list of reviews is flashing above your head, so you've got to learn to hide it and come across as someone she would never know was in bed with her friend just the other week. If you go out intending to get laid, they can almost smell your desperation
. This is where the majority of guys fall - if you are aware of this, you too will see the situation through the eyes of a Female and be able to sense the seedy desperation these individuals guve off.
Yes. There's a lot of deception, but learn to keep a cover on it and you'll get far, as with a lot in life. Now you know this, you are already better than half of the guys out there and instantly come aross as being a cut above the rest.
What has timing
got to do with this? Well everyone is different so I cannot speak for your outcome but in short - if you linger around for too long, you will miss opportunities. However you don't want to seem too eager. You will have to figure out the timing aspect for yourself, but you will get to learn nonverbal cues to ask or make moves with what you'll read in this guide.
I have fuck all self confidence
so I'm gonna just stop reading, you may say. No you don't. You just aren't aware of it. Ever wondered why
you have little or "no" self confidence? Do you hate the way you look? Avoid certain situations because it makes things worse? Or maybe certain clothes exaggerate your lack of pride? I don't know you, but I know ways to improve your outlook. So tell your little inner voice to shut the fuck up and keep reading, because by the end of this, you will have the skill-set to get that confidence back. It all begins with a single step. Start now.
And finally body language
...seriously? That doesn't matter, right? Wrong! I doubt you would straight-up say to a girl "right, let's get out of here and see if I can fuck you" or "are you comfortable with e being this close?" (granted I have said the first, but that's not the best line for a first meet). So what's the alternative to know you are doing well or not so well? Body language! I can't go into details extensively, but will reference materials within this guide that I highly
Body Language/Nonverbal Communication
How is your posture now? Are you leaning forward? Is your hand touhing your head or chin? If so, chances are you are into this article. Leaning back suggests you may be skimming through or save to read until later. Everything you do, every interaction you have is deterined by the things you don't
Think about it for a minute. Forget the body language - the things you do not say express your thoughts and feelings just as much as what you do say. for example, you're asked a question, one that involves half general, half personal. An example
"Hey, X, how was work today? I hear it's pretty tough in that department. Bit like the home life so I hear"
See that? 2 parts - work and personal life.
If you were to reply "Oh that department is a ball-buster for sure, Boss has got me working ever hour there is just to finish that report"
- maybe elaborating on this tangent, you are omitting the part about your home life.
To me this says you are uncomfortable talking about it - either becauser of the surroundings, people or just what is happening at home in general.
Then you can narrow it down by asking more detailed questions.
See where I'm going with this? It can be linked to body language, or nonverbal communication
through the posture you adopt when hearing something you are uncomforatble with or are avoiding. In a situation with Feales they may see your probing (no innuendo meant) as offensive, however used in the right doses it can say just as much about them as they don't want you to know.
A few very useful and powerful postures and gestures will be analysed briefly. Do bear in mind that these aren't 100% accurate, as people may do these gestures for other reasons, not necessarily related to the interaction with you -
Having crossed legs and especially arms gives off the vibe that you are feeling defensive or shy. Imagine looking under the table of a couple having a meal and observing how they are sitting. Are they leaning toward one another or leaning back, creating a void up above? Are the legs or arms crossed accompanied with a look of boredom or disdain on their faces? It's things like this you learn to be careful about, and can use to influence people subconsciously.
It is possible to cross your arms or legs without feeling hostile, bored or defensive. Just remember the context you are in and accompanying facial gestures, as they usually work together (for example a look of boredom and crossed arms indicated impatience). Just have a play with this posture, and be mindful of the impact it can have.
Almost like you are praying, this position when accompanied by a subject of discussion can add an extra feel of authority to it. Imagine you're driving your hands, shaped like a wedge, into the conversation and the mind of the girl you are speaking with. Even if you do end up talking about something you don't know a great deal about, this can make it seem like the things you do know, you are confident with. If you are talking about something you are a self-declared "expert" on, then you'll be taken a lot more seriously.
When you are sitting down, it's best to hold the hands wherever feels most natural, and don't keep the palms together, instead let the fingers and thumbs do the touching. Don't overdo it with this, instead using it in bits of conversation to add a bit of oomph
to the topic.
How to fake a smile
A genuine smile will use two sets of muscles. Most obviously, the ones around the mouth, to create the smile, but also around the edges of the eys, as our cheeks raise and we squint. Just look for yourself when you see people who are meeting and know if their relationship is friendly or frosty.
By knowing and recreating this, you can also look as if you are genuinely pleased to see the girl you're meeting, even if you are nervous or otherwise not quite feeling great. Of course it goes without saying, to practice this so you don't look insulting - another reason to get out and socialise!
Most will think that practicing something like this isn't related to social situations but they couldn't be further from it. What did you invision? Standing in front of a full-length mirror saying "You talkin' to me?"
or something? If you want to achieve something, practice - and keep at it.
Going out with mates, or finding a place where you will interact with others (you don't have to assume socialising is centred around nightclubs and bars) no matter how small the occasion.
So what can you practice to improve your persona and influence around others, and have the ability to confidently talk to, and get close with almost any female in the vicinity.
A few things to take into consideration from the get-go -
- Be presentable. People make assumptions about you within a matter of seconds so your posture and clothes say a lot. Dig out some smart casual bits and put the effort into putting them on your frame. Don't slouch, don't wear a Fedora and most guys seem to wear chequered shirts - so wear something else. A good tip, although you may see it as having your head so far up your own arse, is each morning - or whenever you look in the irror is to compliment yourself. Seriously. Say it out loud and believe in it.
- Stay sober. Don't start spouting out shit because you're drunk. Everyone hates that person who says "oh I was drunk/stoned/whatever" as an excuse for crap behaviour. Protip - ice cubes water down spirits. Half pints do exist. Don't hog the spliff. Just Whatever. Just know your limits.
- Listen. Social situations, wherever they are, people talk. Sure you ay have a lot to contribute but time it right. Don't hog the conversation and instead listen. This is where you can get dirt on people - let them make mistakes. Let them get a bit tipsy and begin spouting off. If you can build up a mental database of those around you, you can use it for all sorts of things. People are impressed when you can recall something they didn't pay much attention to. Plus it's a good mental workout. So bite that tongue and open your ears.
- Girls see boyfriends as a reason for defence. They can't be accused of being a slut because they are only fucking a single guy. You know that's a lie, and so do I, but things like that are key to understanding female mentality how to approach and deal with them. More will be said on this in the offensive/defensive segment.
- Never over-estimate your standing in the social situation. Be modest, but don't be coy. If you gloat there's more space to potentially look a fool.
- Don't ask for her Facebook. Do you know how many other guys she talks to on there? How many dickheads you will have to wade through or look like if she sees your drunken status update, political views or embarrasing pictures? Ask for her number (if you are both at the same University Campus etc, then feel free to discuss where you each live and how you have not already/rarely see one another etc). Phone numbers are a lot more personal and it's a risk you must be willing to take - but anyone who's anyone can be a friend on Facebook, but not on their phone. Yeah, I don't understand how that privacy trade-off works either, but hey, it somehow does.
Over time you will learn to tweak these tips for certain situations. For example with friends, you don't have to dress as smart as though you were going to a formal event. Learning this simple line is paraount to not looking out of place. This is what practicing is all about.
- Females are more scared of other females than guys when it comes to self-image and the like. One of the biggest illusions I had smashed at University was that girls make the effort before they go out because they want to look better than other girls, and guys come second - because we don't bitch. Instead we drink, curse and sweat while all wearing similar clothes. Always remember, it's easier to knock a girls' self confidence by getting another girl to put her down. Very rarely will girls think a compliment from one of their own is genuine, as they are convinced everything is negative.
Now you know this, you can be very manipulative with them. In a nutshell, if you see the sexes as "girls stab and guys punch", you can see who is more honest and will cover their backs, and who will stab one of their own in the back. Use your guy mates to bolster your self confidence, and if timed right, you can skyrocket a girls self esteem if you know other girls look better than her - she'll appreciate it. Just use compliments sparsley! Over-use will reduce their potency.
Self confidence is just that - self
confidence. This may be the biggest hurdle in your way to getting where you want to in life.
Remember that when you are alone, you can act how you want. Look in the mirror when you wake up or have a shower and compliment on yourself positively. Save up some money and get a couple of good quality clothes, ones that won't be seen on every other guy in Town as I said earlier with clothing.
When you enter a place, stand up tall. Walk in as if you own the place, with a smile on your face and an approachable aura. This sort of body language tells people that you aren't intimidated as it taps into the subconsious, almost Neanderthal part of us which says "this guy knows where he stands". To Women this will give off an air of curiosity - why are you smiling? Why aren't you hunched like the others? What are you all about? I can't guarantee you'll get a lapful of Women, but you will certainly make an impression - so pull your arse in, stand up, pull your shoulders into place and look ahead of you. There's a whole world out there and you won't find it on the floor in front of your feet.
The game of Mental Chess
As I said before, Females are more concerned about appearance than anything else, which is the most obvious weak spot Guys try and fill, mostly with compliments - but this is a cliche. A weak one at that.
You must find more weaknesses. More spots you can appeal to in order to come off as the Man she wants to get to know, or just be with for one night. Whatever your plan.
A few weaknesses combined with a right actions are a mix for emotional success. So many Guys go for the brute-force head-on approach. They're about as subtle as a Bull in a china shop. Girls are seen as those who mess with heads, Guys are just their desperate prey, who's entire life revolves around getting pussy that's been placed on a pedestal by Society, or even worse - themselves.
In the style of this guide, you make the first move - you can get the chatter flowing and open with a soft spot of yours. It can be a lie - but not an obvious one - or something which is true, but not enough to completely show your weakness.
People need to feel loved,have an ear to talk to and a person to rely on. It seems like the stuff of Machiavelli, but remember the power is in your hands - you can use this ruthlessly to have a one-nighter, or more gently to have something sustained. Chances are they may come back after that one-night romp if you're any good (however most who have to read things from Pick up Artists are only used to fucking one thing and that's their hand).
You can turn these tables and become a suave Gentleman type by appealing to a few basic emotional responses (which will also flag up any potential nutters, as I'll mention).
The "Helpless Child"
People reflect their upbringing. Were they pampered and spoilt? Left to their own devices? Or slightly neglected - possibly staying with people other than their Mum/Dad? Regardless it usually leaves one need or another unfulfilled and if you can find that and apply pressur, you've got yourself an act that will work time and time again. Why? because those 3 childhood types are the main ones. Being that Father figure - able to demonstrate an air of fun but responsible behaviour, well mannered interaction a presentable image combined with holding her in high esteem will work well as that too applies to all 3. You can mix and match. Experiment.
Insecurity and Happiness
These are the 2 main voids people have - of both sexes - that need to be filled. Validate their existence by not complimenting them in an obvious way. Choose something different - hair, shoes and the little things matter more than the eyes, dress or overall look if you are going for this angle. If you can comment on a Womans' shoes, it shows you have some knowledge of what she's into (and most other Women, too). The same can be said for jewellery.
Just a tip - don't go for a kiss if you can check out her earrings, you flash-in-the-pan fuckwit! At least not straight away.
If they come across as withdrawn or unhappy, look for the root of it, but don't spoil a night out by discussing something that upsets her unless she bring it up again, of course. Let her run the conversation and you can gently nudge it on. It may be tough at first as her walls will be up and mask will be on - but if she trusts you, it will slip.
- remember how Women see Men who view pornographic images/videos as having unrealistic expectations of Females and sex? Well Women are notorious for watching Romcom films - and guess what they base those on? You got it! The ideal guy in their life will be in that film with them, be it "Friends with Benefits", "The Notebook" or some other equally laughable film or TV show. This is a huge weakness of theirs. No Girl will ever admit it, but I can tell you on good assurance that this is, don't laugh, a very real fantasy of many Females.
Opposites don't necessarily attract or last
Those who appear brutish and loud are often timid inside. Those who come across as prudish are usually the ones who, when they trust someone, will have a Pandora's Box of sexual appetite and everything they've dreamed of come into their life - they just need to be validated and feel safe that people won't judge them - a long-term friend can hint at this for you, but a long term partner can reap the rewards. Those who are uptight are often craving adventure and just the need to let loose. Shy? They want attention.
Have a gentle but thorough investigation behind the masks people wear. If you know these contrasting sides - and you will learn more as you watch people in social situations, you can give her the right kind of attention and dreams of what she wants with you to her - and that kind of appeal can drive her wild.
Control her emotions
Everybody has emotions that they find hard to let go of once they;ve tasted them for a certain person or place. Be that guy who can trigger off ones such as lust, vanity and open displayed happiness through your actions. People don't often smile in public, nor feel the need to rip off your shirt and get it on there and then - and by this point you have more than enough information to be able to achieve that.
Appear brave, but not foolhardy when you control emotions of fear, paranoia and anger. If you are confidemt, use them to influence her decisions or immediate needs - such as trusting you but not others - ending you with the goal you were aiming for in the first place, right?
Remember that finding too many weaknesses off the bat when you just met this Girl is unrealistic. If you practice this too much you may be tempted to go for every single one so just find and concentrate on a couple. She will either latch on or just feel so weak, so vulnerable that you aren't getting anywhere with her - only her Counsellor is.
Interacion ideas and preparation.
This section is about keeping a good rally of conversation going (like a good rally in Tennis - keep it going back and forth). Only think about what you want from this girl after you leave the area - don't forget that they know, an sense your desperation.
Gauge the situation with her friends - once you approach her, it's possible you'll know the "setup" from the way the company she keeps. Are they defensive for her sake? Then don't come across as forceful, let her make the move. Are they pushing her to interact with you - making her uncomfortable? Smash their illusions. Compliment her and get her a drink - make sure she sees you order it and let her pick it up though as the paranoia surrounding date-rape is not worth it.
Remember some fun things you did in your past? Those times where you realised there's more to life than playing xbox and going biking with your mates? Sure it's enjoyable, but once in a while, do something that you will never, ever forget. Something you'll tell the Grandkids that will be conceived purely from the awesomeness of your being. Girls don't want vanilla, so aim for mint choc-chip, or if you want, maybe rum 'n' raisin. In other words - have some quirks you can talk about, some good anecdotes, memories that will make her want to be linked to ("I et this guy who once did X! I know, right?") sorta thing. If you already have a good reputation, this can easily do most of the mouthwork for you.
When you're out - wherever you happen to be most comfortable (if you are more at ease in say, a pub than a nightclub then go to the former, as you won't be on edge as much or surrounded by people you hate).
Once you find a "target" don't hover. Catch their eye and look busy (if you already aren't, such as with friends etc) - nothing says loner more than standing in a corner or at a table looking at your phone while taking gulps from a pint glass. So yes, always
have something to do which doesn't negatively influence others perception of you. It's trial and error.
Once you have built up confidence through trial and error, let the girl/target approach you - being receptive is the first step to successful interactions. Sure, you can also make the first move and most girls would expect that (unless you're "busy", right?) so after a while, if you have no luck then catch them at a good time (when they go to the bar etc), just don't come across as a potential stalker who's doing his homework on her.
Let the conversation start with something relevant to the surroundings - music, people, location etc while getting a drink or passing by (subject is dependent on the situation length) and then nod upwards, make eye contact and say "see you around" (no hand kissing, you Internet, neckbeard, wizard fags). I can guarantee you, as can girls from my past (including one now that has helped me type this!), that this will drive them up the wall if they genuinely want to get to know you. Then return to whatever it is you were doing.
- If you are hanging around with mates (ie. lots of guys) who are loud, obnoxious and generally total arsehats, then you too will be seen as one by everybody in the vicinity. Remember that when you go out with friends, although they may be great to you, their actions can reflect poorly on first impresions of strangers, and you will have to work harder to show the real you. Choose your friends wisely if you want a good shot at making a positive impression.
As we have established, girls crave attention, people like to talk about their shit and if they truly want you, then you're in with a chance by this point.
As the night rolls on, chances are if you beat other guys to impress her, she will seek you out - either to talk, make arrenagements with, exchange numbers etc. Remember that you can easily change these to suit your odds by lowering the competition (going somewhere where there aren't many guys that she could pick over you), making her comfortable (if she were to get your number, would her friends see, and if so, would they give her shit for it?) so you could move outside or elsewhere when at this stage, also your friends/crowd (as I have discussed earlier) and other bits to spark up your appearance and demeanour (as I mentioned earlier as well, for example clothes and body language to name a couple). Over time you will know what the average thickness to lay it on is for a girl - and maintain that level of interaction. Chances are if you've been wasting time rotting away in your room, you'll have crap social skills so the only way you will get better is by practice (which also helps in interviews etc later in life). It's not all about getting laid.
So you're almost there - you're able to manipulate the surroundings, apply the right amount of pressure and interaction to get her attention and stand head and shoulders above the rest of the competition and look damn good doing it. So what now?
Well if you've ticked all those boxes and she does decide to approach you, then remember to make her comfortable. If you slip up in this delicate/vulnerable time, she'll most likely leave you hanging there with blue balls as she finds the next best, douchey looking guy. Make her feel appreciated and tell her what she wants to hear if she asks. Don't be shitfaced, don't talk too much and always have a smile.
If you don't get where you want, just put it down as experience, realise that you are in an ocean of potential and move on to the next one. You need to learn how to handle rejection and like everything else in life, this only comes through practice.
Get out of your comfort zone.
You never know - you may see that same girl next week and most likely, if you acknowledge her, you'll get a second chance if you keep things going and stave off desperation (as I said earlier, Females can sense it). If they see you with another girl, it's not like they can screw things up for you like an ex-partner would, through their actions fuelled by jealousy or anger. On the flipside, however, you may see her with another guy.
"What's he got that I haven't?"
you may think - well for one, he hasn't got the girl you are talking to. If this is the case, and you are getting a good rapport going with another Female, then ignore them.
If you are with friends or not currently trying to court the attention of a girl, then by all means observe. What does his body language say - as Women can be very easy to read and manipulate. I would advise against talking to him as chances are you have been spotted by his interest of the night, and you don't need the hassle - imagine talking at a bar and just feeling shit, knowing eyes are on you the rest of the time you are there.
It's just not worth it. Like I said - plenty of other places to go.
Having the pick of the bunch
Once you begin to get the nubers, facebooks and/or other details of the girls you would like to either spend more time with or get your dick inside, learn to manage time with each of them and prioritise each on things such as compatability, potential for achieving what you want (sex, relationship etc) as well as their relation with any other girls you may be close with. Nothing worse than getting caught by one with another.
, this guide isn't foolproof. Unlike the Pick up Artist crap out there I am not promising you an outcome - this advice is free and just a foundation upon which you can build your own knowledge and experience. Don't get so hung up on one person and thinking things over and over, repeat after me - "I am only Human, and so is She..."
. Feel better? Good.
Just remember the basics -
Useful links -
Body Language/Nonverbal communication
- Practice, practice, practice!
- Be confident - having a good few anecdotes at your disposal is better than talking about the weather, work or politics.
- Dress well - it says more about you than you ever could, because you won't be able to tell anyone about yourself when they don't give you the time of day because you dress like a slob. Unfortunately Society is starting to go that way, at least the younger portion.
- Setting and surroundings - different types of people go to different types of places. You can use this to your advantage, too, if you know of quiet places there where you may not have to yell in order just to be heard or fancy getting her number out of the view of her squealy, judgemental friends...or yours.
- Body language - don't follow the crowd. Don't do the creepy shoulder-touch thing and don't invade personal space as soon as you begin talking.
- Be subtle - when reading her body, don't stare.
- Let her talk about herself and use flattery sparsely.
- Practice some more. Learn to accept rejection and keep face. It's all a learning curve!
- "What every BODY is saying" by Joe Navarro
- "The 48 laws of Power" by Robert Greene