I'm realizing I need to get rejected a lot more...
TruthWielder
Regular
...before I master the art of chatting up a woman.
So I pass by a girl on a bench at my college's library today. You know the type: bohemian, svelte, pretty blue eyes, short brown hair, with the look of someone wise and cooly confident.
I stop in front of the doors to the entrance and glance to see her turn her head away from me. Alright, I think. So I wait a moment thinking of something to say when I saunter over to her. I do so.
"Mind if I take a seat?" (There are plenty of empty benches and places to sit around us)
"Uhm, fine. Sure."
"So..." I begin, as she finishes rolling some tobacco. "I was walking into the library and I saw you and I saw you look at me. You look both intelligent and pretty so I wanted to come by." Shes fiddling with her purse looking thoroughly uninterested in what I'm saying. Then she looks at me and smiles. "Watch my stuff for a second will you?" "Um...uh, sure." She trots forward and bends down to take a picture of some ducks. She has such a nice smile.
As I start fumbling over words she stops me:
"Look, you're not going to get me phone number so if you just want to have a conversation the pressure is off."
I stare for a second, look away, then I sigh slowly. "Whew...well...I do feel better now."
Then the girl begins a conversation. Shes an international relations major and I'm a philosophy major. I tell her I'm interested in Kantian deontological ethics and that Nietzsche is a whiny bitch. She tells me about Karr's realism and reflects on the habituations of members in a society when they're convinced they are impotent.
Then she puts her cig in a purse.
"Gotta go."
And there I am, sitting on the bench like a dumbass.
And yet... a satisfied dumbass.
So I pass by a girl on a bench at my college's library today. You know the type: bohemian, svelte, pretty blue eyes, short brown hair, with the look of someone wise and cooly confident.
I stop in front of the doors to the entrance and glance to see her turn her head away from me. Alright, I think. So I wait a moment thinking of something to say when I saunter over to her. I do so.
"Mind if I take a seat?" (There are plenty of empty benches and places to sit around us)
"Uhm, fine. Sure."
"So..." I begin, as she finishes rolling some tobacco. "I was walking into the library and I saw you and I saw you look at me. You look both intelligent and pretty so I wanted to come by." Shes fiddling with her purse looking thoroughly uninterested in what I'm saying. Then she looks at me and smiles. "Watch my stuff for a second will you?" "Um...uh, sure." She trots forward and bends down to take a picture of some ducks. She has such a nice smile.
As I start fumbling over words she stops me:
"Look, you're not going to get me phone number so if you just want to have a conversation the pressure is off."
I stare for a second, look away, then I sigh slowly. "Whew...well...I do feel better now."
Then the girl begins a conversation. Shes an international relations major and I'm a philosophy major. I tell her I'm interested in Kantian deontological ethics and that Nietzsche is a whiny bitch. She tells me about Karr's realism and reflects on the habituations of members in a society when they're convinced they are impotent.
Then she puts her cig in a purse.
"Gotta go."
And there I am, sitting on the bench like a dumbass.
And yet... a satisfied dumbass.
Comments
and i think i need this too. Whenever i talk to a girl i am not aggressive enough. I need to come on strongly a few times and get rejected and then i will have a better idea of how friendly i should be.
Next time don't be passive nor be worried. The worst you can get is a go away.
You were acting so nervous that she had to say that to ease the conversation. She seems like a total bitch though. She also seems like a typical college hipster.
Don't sweat it, man. There are plenty of other fish out in the sea.
This. With her short hair, she was probably a lesbian anyways.
Next time, simply introduce yourself and converse with complete sincerity and honesty, every time you should cross paths in the future, you have a green light to approach her. I'd much rather exchange contact details with a chick who at least knows a little bit about who I am opposed to the hit n' run (if all you are interested in is rooting chicks, then this need not apply ~ I'd personally want to feel the situation out first though)
You're right all the way through.
I love ducks. :mad::mad::mad:
Random...arbitrary...based on overriding passionate aesthetic appreciation.
My kinda woman.
I'm like, so inexperienced with women but I am so sure the way you approached her was going to cause failure no matter what. Does anyone else agree with me? I mean... jesus. Women don't like that; all girls I've talked to have lol'd at guys like that.
AM I ALONE IN THIS?
no wonder she wont go out with you
I've been a woman before, so I know. I agree with Blundertits.
But seriously now, I'm the last person who has the right to comment I guess. I don't make any moves at all, so any criticism I offer seems like it'll be hollow as fuck. Even still, I imagine all it takes is a bit of confidence. What you did took some confidence, but you were clearly flustered/whatever. Why is it so hard to just walk up to someone and be like 'sup'.
She was rolling tobacco? Personally I'd be like "hey, want one of my cigs instead of that" but I guess not everyone smokes. I would not walk up to someone and immediately say 'you're reeeally purdy'. *shrug*
I'm a complete boob though, feel free to disregard this. I've been known to suck cocks.
I'm hoping I reach enlightenment and my brain explodes before that fateful day when I turn in my McDonalds application. Oh wait, I actually have a career! Nevermind.
Blunderful do me a favor: get a woman, ANY woman to touch your winky then teach me something. "Hey, whats up" works fine in highschool with girls, not in college with women. Or at least the kind of women I want to date.
Oh, so she did end up giving you a blowjob? :cool:
This.
And really, just relax and be casual. Don't compliment her looks etc., it's too early, just have a casual, friendly chat and find some common interest so that you can suggest a common activity in the future. Then say something like, "Hey, there's this and that on next week, we should go!" - "Yeah, sounds awesome" - "Cool, what's your number? I'll give you a call".
Not "Hi there, you are so pretty I feel like I fell in love the moment I saw you. C-c-can I have your number? (I don't even know why the fuck I need your number, but they told me it was important!)"
I really was surprised when I realized how easy it is to actually get dates. Remember that research about asking random girls on campus to sleep with you that night? 0% said yes. But when asked for a date, 60% agreed togo on one. I mean, you don't even have to do anything.
Now, once you are on a date, that's where things get tricky. But that warrants a whole new thread.
Hope that helps.
"Hey, what's up" works everywhere.
Unless you want to date extremely rude/smug women. Not sure why you would want that though.
"Mind if I take a seat" is obviously fine too, and is much more polite if you want to grab a seat next to her, say if she's sitting alone at lunch and you want to join her.
But yeah, as I said, just relax, there's nothing special about this, just another social situation.
Oh yeah, no thanks. I know that you're all about "GETTIN LAID WOO!! PARTY!!!" but I'd rather have a meaningful relationship with a woman, not just try to get her to "touch my winky".
Actually, you're completely wrong. Its easy to get laid dude. Stupid girls abound. Its not easy to meet a girl thats worth it. If the girl I had seen looked like a moron I wouldn't have bothered.
Tell me about it. :mad:
So you're actually looking for a relationship then? You don't just want to get a quick lay?
Then why are you, and I quote, "trying to master the art of chatting up women"?
Because you don't want to be a complete novice when a girl that's really worth it comes along.
Part of the reason why you shouldn't marry young, actually.
Why do you have to be intelligent in PUA just to talk to and/or impress a girl you like?
stfu
says the boy
Yeah, I'm a boy. Okay? I'm trying to improve... but like, I still know other peoples' mistakes when I see them.
Fuck, forget it. :facepalm: If anyone wants to actually properly debate, I'd be happy to. I didn't know we reverted back to Zoklet standards.
I never once mentioned "PUA".
It's called basic communication skills and charisma.
Alright, picture Sean Connery 50 years ago. Every woman wants to be with him, right?
Now imagine Sean Connery living in social isolation for, say, 15 years. Then he goes out and meets a chick he kinda likes. Will his complete lack of social skills make him more or less attractive?
But I wasn't talking about you. Read the OP. He's learning how to pick up chicks and stuff. He actually said, the art of picking up chicks. Isn't that what PUA means?
What. Dude. I'm not talking about that, and I think you know it.
I still know how to have great conversations with girls, even though I've never practiced trying to "pick them up".
anyway the only problem is that people think that there's a problem. "z0mg I didn't get my dick sukked within the first five minutes I must fail"
naw. just kick it.
You're right blunderful, you're absolutely right. Thing is, you don't approach women and say "I'm a decent man who is flawed though virtuous and presume you and I have similar interests that may suggest the possibility of a deep connection. Want to hang out and see where it goes?"
You can't with 99% of chicks because that sounds just damn odd. There are steps and levels to social interaction that need to be progressed through a majority of the time. Shit sux, but what can you do?
And no, its not just "let women come to you". As a man you are not naturally a magnet for women you desire because you are a man, even a good man. Thats the world. You need to fight, become stronger, and compete to win the evolutionary game.
I don't think I'm ready to get over that delusion quite yet.
It's a hard one to get over, unfortunately.
Here's your first mistake.
Here's your second mistake.
Here's your third mistake.
And here's your fourth mistake.
Basically you did something wrong every time you opened your mouth.
You were being too cocky at the beginning, but then you let her set the pace and totally shut you down immediately afterward. And then you started fumbling over your words, making yourself look even more indecisive and weak-willed.
And when she announced her departure, you didn't even try anything to follow-up. Even if she said she wasn't going to give you her number, you could have given her yours. Maybe ask her out for some coffee sometime, or some shit like that. So you'll probably never see her again, and now you're just some dumbass sitting on some bench looking like a dumbass.
Let this be a lesson.
I hate it how women give men that 3 strikes and you're out rule. OP, you shouldn't fill yourself up with false pride and assumptions. This is a combination that's set for a guaranteed failure. Try to not to seem passive, also when she tries to put a label on you, show her otherwise. If there's no chance in redeeming yourself, then try again to the next girl. Take note, every girl is different and they like different things.
Yeah, I see that now I guess. Yet you're not making any suggestions either.
Fucking win.
I suggested you ask her out for coffee, or give her your number, or both.
About the conversation, maybe there's not much you could have done, since she seems like the kind of girl who's always wearing a suit of armor, so to speak. Although you shouldn't let yourself get caught into her game like you did, but instead willingly play along. If she wants to take control, let her. Just don't give her too much power, or she'll probably hold it over you.
deontological ethics? you dunce.
Gtfo with your arbitrary relativism.
Keep it short and sweet.