To clarify, I am a chick. I've always got a lot of attention, sexual, emotional, intellectual what have you.. from men. They've been my go-to guys. I've always had a much easier time identifying and generally getting along with the opposite sex, perhaps because they wanted to bang me.
Anyway, for some reason I was watching lesbian porn the other day and they started "tribbing." (Yes, I just learned that term too) and it's not that I haven't fathomed scissoring before, it's just these particular girls doing it together was like.. magical! Their energy together was so wonderful, I didn't even feel like I was watching porn! I felt like I was witnessing a wonderful, fun relationship.
Now, I feel like there's a hole in my life. I feel l need a female sexual partner.
Then there comes the question and definition of monogamy.. My boyfriend cannot possibly fill the need or want or whatever it is I have for a girl. Objectively, I know even friends get jealous when their friends choose their significant other over them so juggling two intimate relationships almost seems like hoarding. But the emptiness I'm feeling without a woman in my life has become a gnawing annoyance.
I've always thought of sexuality as a scale. But I've never believed I could relate to a woman the way I feel I can now and I'm eager to explore it. Regardless of all my emotion, I sadly don't think I will find the right girl for me anytime soon.
Has anyone else had this sexuality question come up this late in the game? Am I romanticizing lesbianism because of the chemistry of the porn stars? What the hell is going on?! I've had hot girls come on to me before, but they were always so forward it was scary. Any man can lay it on thick and I'm a brick wall, but a sexy woman? I just get awkward and unsure of myself.
So, I'm thinking of hitting up the local les bar in order to sort this issue out further..