Rabbitweed's Breakup Guide
Rabbitweed's Breakup Guide
Memento's
All that crap you have of hers? Get rid of it. If you can't bear to see her preciously crap poetry and laughable artwork destroyed, get a shoebox, chuck everything -I mean everything –in it, and tape it up. Why tape it up? You'll be far less likely to open it that way. Ditto for crap on the computer. Maybe chuck all the pictures, email etc. on a CD and shove it in the shoebox as well. At the very least, put it in a folder you won't come across often. Best case scenario is if you burn it though. Especially if she's been a bitch.
Communication
By all means, get some closure. Let her explain herself, and explain yourself. But after there's nothing new to say, THAT'S IT. Block and delete her from MSN, delete her from your phone, don't visit her...if you share work or study areas change your habits to avoid her. Write some contact details down if you really think you'll forget them and want to talk to her again in the future, but the key is to make it an effort to have to talk to her. By the time you're done adding her number to your cell again you may well realise it's a bad idea to call. Even though you may be curling up into a foetal position every time some cheesy pop shit she liked comes on the playlist/radio, let her believe you're handling the breakup in a calm, confident manly way by NOT TALKING TO HER FOR ATLEAST A MONTH. Longer if the relationship lasted more than a year. "But rabbitweed, I miss her a lot and I really think crying into her phone like a little girl at 3am will win her over" It won't. If you harbour hopes of being with the girl one day...this will just come back to embarrass you, and will turn her right off. If you don't want to be with her again...well, now she has something to tell her girlfriends and laugh about with her new boyfriend.
Freedom
All that shit you've wanted to do but didn't for her sake? Go ahead on do it. Hit on girls you've found hot, move to where you've always wanted to, start university, join the army, get into street fights, have gay sex, take drugs...whatever you withheld for her sake but really wanted to do, do it, or at least consider it. You're free to do that now and don't need her approval for anything. If she comes crawling back First off...don't count on it. Second off, I think it's imperative that you get over someone and have a proper emotional break before you can get back with them again. If the relationship failed, there are generally reasons...and if it's come to this, they can't be solved really easily. If you've had time apart, you feel you've both really changed...THEN TAKE IT SLOWLY. Even if you rushed together before, proceed cautiously, make sure it's good for both of you before you get invested in her again. Try not to have any pre-conceptions on how it will be based on before either...start afresh. __________ I wish you all the best. I know not much will comfort you right now, but believe me, you WILL get over her. There will be another girl for you. She's not the only one...you'll be surprised how all those magical qualities you thought no other girls have were either not that great in the first place, or far more common than you think. My first girlfriend was very short, tiny, skinny as hell. She was very delicate and cute, it was great to be able to pick her up easily...I though all other women looked like freaky giants and ogres after I broke up with her. My next girlfriend was 6 foot tall, and I thought her body was absolutely perfect...she had nice long legs, it was so nice to be at eye level and I didn't have to stoop down when I held her hand... You will love again. Good luck.
Comments
rolf is cool
You have the freedom to do what you want, but that doesn't mean you should launch yourself into a bunch of experimentation and wild living just because you can, as a form of rebellion and retaliation against your ex and your relationship. only if that's what you want to do. By all means enjoy the things you like that you weren't able to enjoy when in a couple, but don't over-compensate. If you were truly feeling that you were stifled and couldn't do what you wanted (within reason) in the relationship, it probably wasn't a sustainable partnership anyway. And don't change your habits to avoid your ex; that's giving them power over you.
My advice would be to take some time to consolidate your feelings. The most important thing to do is to truly accept that the relationship is over, it's not coming back and you've just got to get on with your life. It's easy to turn negative and bitter in the wake of a breakup, but it's more mature to acknowledge that you had some good times (and some bad times) and that it's another chapter of your life. Realize that it's not something that reflects badly on you (unless you did something immoral to end the relationship); people get together and break up all the time, it's normal. Don't let a break-up consume you or change who you are, and definitely don't let it make you bitter towards women or relationships in general.
I don't think dwelling on the past is healthy. For the reasons I gave above I don't look through old pictures.
This.
And man up and don't be an emotional faggot. Leave her and move on to the next.