Hi, my name is culinaryoverlord, and I am an idiot, soon a rich idiot.

edited May 2011 in Spurious Generalities
I like to think I'm a pretty bright guy, but recent experience has shown me that I am easily manipulated by people who know what buttons to push. If you piss me off enough, the outcome is distressingly predictable. Higher cognitive functions shut down, a rigid plan is set in place, and the targeted outcome is all I see. A smarter man would have judged his actions better, a wiser man would have questioned the information he was given.

Background; For the last 3 years my Aunt and Uncle have been staying rent free at my Grandfathers property, he wants to sell it as he is on his last legs and wants to see the proceeds divided up between the five persons named in his will as beneficiaries, so he can see what we do with the money while he still has eyes, brains, and balls.

My Aunt and Uncle are complete fucking losers, without even alcoholism or drug addiction as an excuse. Did you ever wonder who invests in shitty multi level marketing schemes, they do, they are the dumbest fucks to walk the fucking earth and have always needed help when whatever bullshit scheme they are running gets them fucked over. Their credit card debt could finance a small nation. They shop at discount stores to save money, but burn a ton of money on gambling. They are always just a few months away from getting their shit in order and moving out, but something always seems to come up.

I am not without some self interest in this, $50000 is what I stand to get when the place is sold, and if it is sold before my Grandfather passes away, it can be given as a gift, and will be taxed significantly less. I want this to happen, but my Grandfather is generous to a fault, and has made it clear that they can stay till they are ready to leave, and I respect that. There are conditions though, the property must be maintained, and should my Grandfathers state deteriorate to the degree that he signs an agreement authorizing someone else as his agent, the property is to be sold immediately.

Enter Mom, if you think I'm wacky, Mom puts me to shame. Even though I have built a damn good wall , the bitch can still play me. I got snail mail from Mom a week ago indicating that Grandad was about to declare himself incompetent, and sign over power of attorney to... My fucking Aunt. When I spoke with Grandad, he seemed very confused over the subject, and I took this as a sign that some transfer of authority was about to take place. In addition, Mom described the family property as a complete shithole, and asked me to come into the situation to force the issue, and help her make sure my Aunt didn't get authority over my Grandfathers banking and finances.

The button was thus pressed, I quit my job (chance of losing $50000 vs $15 an hour, easy decision), put on my pistols, hopped a greyhound, and arrived in my home town ready to kick ass and take names. First stop; bar, second stop, family property, and a throw down with the Aunt. The grass was long, but a little recon showed me that my Mothers assay of "shithole" had been exxagerated.

A six pack of beer and some reefer got me better info, my Aunt had been pressing my Grandad for power of attorney, so they could get a mortgage on the property to finance a down payment on a condo. Bullcrap, I listened to the scheme, a good one if it was in the hands of anyone else but these morons, and if we assumed my Grandfather would live another 10 years. Basically they wanted to finance a new condo, and make payments on it using the family property as a rental. I told them I would burn it to the fucking ground and keep the land in limbo before I ever saw that happen. Fucking assholes think work is a dirty word, and now that they are ready to 'retire' from a life of half assed schemes and shitty jobs, they need 'security'. Fuck that, they deserve shit.

By now I am realizing that it was bunk info that sent me on the mission, and my next stop at Moms made me feel right foolish. My Mom wanted power of attorney in her name so she could basically do the same thing, and stop 'wasting money on rent'. The ridiculous thing is, if they could get over the idea of using the property as a rental, and sell it, they could both afford what they want, but not comfortably.

My question to both the sisters "what does Grandad think of this?", was met in both cases with; "your Grandad is not doing well and we don't want to bother him with the details" Fine, fuck them both, I went to my hotel room, got good and tanked, and waited for my appointment with Grandad at the extended care ward the next day.

The problem with dealing with a 94 year old man with significant dementia is that you can get a fucking great lucid, aware person one day, and someone who doesn't really recognize you the next. I had a little chat with Grandad and decided he really did need to sign over power of attorney while it was still within his power to do so, and I asked a long time family friend to come back with me and help him understand what was being asked of him. Luckily I got Grandad in one of the moments where he was bang on the man he used to be, and he realized he needed to do this. I nominated my cousin, he is basically my brother, a family man, and I trust him as much as I trust anybody.

We shared a couple of belts from my flask as he had a cigar, and I was surprised as hell when he told me he wanted me to step up and take charge of his affairs. The reason he gave; "you're a working man C/O, my daughters always ask me for money, and say it is a loan, then they never pay me back, you always paid me back. Your cousin already has enough to deal with, he doesn't need this. You do it." Fuck.

Oh well, it's all on me now, the papers will be delivered, notarized, and I will be responsible for a good sum of money, he has liquid assets of about $10000, and the property will be sold as soon as I can arrange it. I am not speaking to anyone, and I will resist any temptations to 'borrow' against what I have coming to me. The Sheriff will do the dirty work of dislodging my Aunt and Uncle once the place is sold, and if it pisses them off to the point I never hear from them again, that will be a bonus. They will piss away the 50k and fuck it up like they always do, and my Mom will have to keep paying rent.

In a few months I will have more money than I have ever had in my life available to me, danger, danger, danger. Somehow it seems right though, and the thought of burning any of the dough is somehow repulsive and disrespectful. Fucking top of the line ps3 and 42' lcd 120hz motherfucking tv, that is for fucking sure, and some much needed dental work, done by the best. As for the rest, anyone with $50000 to burn wanna get into the restaurant business?

Yes, I know, TL:DR
And a thread having to do with inheriting a bunch of money might not belong in B&M, I am bitching about the family, not the money.



  • RemadERemadE Global Moderator
    edited May 2011
    Heh, don't go blowing it all on coke, hookers and luxury items. Pace yourself. Maybe send it to me for safekeeping.

    Also your first paragraph sounds JUST like me when I get pushed. Your second one sounded like a Bel-Air, but damn I am jealous.

    "You lucky fuck"
  • DfgDfg Admin
    edited May 2011
    Normally people would be jealous reading this but I am just happy, I mean not the fake happy, just pure happy. I can see my heart giving me internal high-fives. Dude, you deserve this, you deserve even fucking more. Congrats and get that dental work. I hate to see you lose your teeth :).

    Oh, and I know you're smart (super) but in this tough times, AVOID THROWING AWAY MONEY!. This means no charity and no nothing. Discuss and research different plans for money savings. You got a golden ticket in your hand, it's time to man up and aim for the sky. Just follow your dreams and remember we're with you. <3

    The weather just turned awesome and this thread made my day. CONGRATS!
  • SlartibartfastSlartibartfast Global Moderator -__-
    edited May 2011
    welp, congratulations. I hope you do open up a restaurant/cafe thingy.

    and I'm glad that your grandad was able to do what was necessary in time.
  • edited May 2011
    You should donate money to Dfg and get him out of that shithole :thumbsup:

    Good stuff though, you're a lucky man :( Just don't go blowing it all at once.
  • DaGuruDaGuru Mite
    edited May 2011
    C/O........great going, and I hope you don't lose any of your vigor throughout any of this! :thumbsup:

    When you are in the process of throwing out the deadbeat, don't you dare get soft or except ANY excuse to why they need just one more month/week/day.

    I see this kind of shit all the time, families grubbing like starving vultures.....throwing out any decency or sanity for that matter, doing the most heartless things to each other all for some greenbacks. I myself have cutoff some peeps in my own family for about 1/10 of the money we are talking....and not even money that I could have collected, instead just being an outsider witnessing such scumbag people pretend like they are middle class but in reality the are worst bottom feeding parasites I've ever had to encounter.

    One thing that strikes me in this story is yet another example of how certain familial traits seem to skip generations. Both you and your grandpa sound like some hearty, responsible, savy and hard working people....whereas your mom, aunt and uncle sound like loser creeps. It sometimes baffles me how someone "good" like you can come out of an environment raised by a person like your mom....and how someone like your grandfather that does seem to have a sound mind and some sense of morality couldn't do a better job instilling his morality into his offspring better.

    These are the kind of things that keep me awake and night wondering just how much we ever "do" when raising our kids....because despite environment you seem to be a prime example of someone that did turn out much BETTER than the people who sired him. :eek:
  • MayberryMayberry Regular
    edited May 2011
    When I saw the "aunt and uncle" I thought it was going to be a Bel-Air :o

    But good for you. 50000 is plenty if you're frugal, but is nothing if you're not. I'd open a restaurant with you, but just not a sushi place. There's way too many around here. But then I don't have the money, so if you want to wait several dozen years, that would be swell :p
  • GoingNowhereGoingNowhere Global Moderator
    edited May 2011
    Well done mate, you deserve it. Invest it and see how much interest you can get from it, then carry on working as normal. Your quality of life will improve ten-fold, and you will be a happy man :)
  • dr rockerdr rocker Regular
    edited May 2011
    The thing is in this you got to talk to the old fella while he was lucid, share a drink and him have a cigar and pass on some wisdom - maybe the greatest pleasure a person gets at that age.

    With DaGuru saying what he said about how they turned out as they did and how you turned out different - maybe your Grandfather is asking you to teach them a lesson he never felt he could.

    How to grow up and rely on yourself.

    Unless people can sustain a lifestyle through their own means, they should not be living it. Putting the money to good use - some teeth and a business means it keeps the money safe if you can work the business. Could this help you re-think your decision to not have kids, or is the door closed on that now?
  • LouisCypherLouisCypher Regular
    edited May 2011
    I like to think I'm a pretty bright guy,

    anyone with $50000 to burn wanna get into the restaurant business?


    I'm not trying to be a dick or anything, but wouldn't it be quicker and more fun just to blow it all on drugs? Probably less heartbreaking as well. I'm not suggesting you don't have the knowledge, skill, or expertise to open a restaurant, but statistically you are almost sure to fail.

    Good luck with whatever you do though.
  • MooseKnuckleMooseKnuckle Regular
    edited May 2011
    ^ this guy all lies, just make your place stand out from others.. you can make it work..
  • edited May 2011


    I'm not trying to be a dick or anything, but wouldn't it be quicker and more fun just to blow it all on drugs? Probably less heartbreaking as well. I'm not suggesting you don't have the knowledge, skill, or expertise to open a restaurant, but statistically you are almost sure to fail.

    Good luck with whatever you do though.

    Cypher, you are so very very right, and I would sooner spend the cash on booze and drugs before I ever laid down my own money for a restaurant. Some rich fucker wants to back me, fuck yeah, just give me a 20% share I can sell after I get the place rockin', and then watch the place peak and fade from a distance. If I said I knew you were going to say that, right down to the lines you quoted, would you believe me?:cool::D

    Thank you all for your replies in this thread, this place always shows it's best when a member has something of personal importance to sort out. I have a lot of thinking to do while the place is on the market. It will be a long wait, but the property has a lake view, and should sell for about 300k. I am patient, some others are chomping at the bit, but man, I'm holding the fucking aces for once, and everyone can just chill while I do what I can do.

    I have to go out and look for a new job on Monday. I will have access to my Grandfathers liquid assets as soon as the power of attorney papers are signed and notarized, so I could really fuck things up if I had the urge. I am glad this happened at 41 instead of 24, very glad. My bad habits are many and varied, but the ones I am most interested in these days are cheap, sex mostly, I almost enjoy it more than drugs, almost.

Sign In or Register to comment.