Whenever I smoke weed..
Masturbatron
Regular
I get extremely judgmental about myself. Like I'll analyze every move I make, everything I say, every thought I get, etc. and it's always a negative analysis when I know that it really shouldn't be. Pretty much I hate myself to an extreme whenever I smoke weed. It used to not be like this at all..this has been going on for maybe a year now, but before this started I would smoke and love everything, including myself. Now I just hate, and nitpick at everything I do. I really can't help it I've tried so many times, I want my old highs back.
Another really fucking weird thing that happens is I'll get completely random, strange, sometimes disturbing thoughts. Like they'll just come out of nowhere and I'm complete incapable of controlling them. It's scary.
I really don't know what happened to me that brought this change, but I want it to fuck off. I miss getting high and loving it. I can't even smoke with friends anymore because I just get quiet and weird.
I've been considering taking LSD as a means of getting things squared away in my psyche because I hear it can do just that, but I really don't know anymore. If I'm not stable enough to smoke weed how will I handle acid?
I want all of this to go away. I've taken steps while sober to regain my self worth and it's been working out alright, like I'm fine when I don't smoke and I'm even fine if I drink..it's only weed that gets me. When I smoke I'll try and ignore the hateful thinking and focus on whatever I'm doing but god it's hard. Small steps trying to improve my high...just isn't working. I've even decided to only smoke alone until I figure this out..but nothing helps.
Another really fucking weird thing that happens is I'll get completely random, strange, sometimes disturbing thoughts. Like they'll just come out of nowhere and I'm complete incapable of controlling them. It's scary.
I really don't know what happened to me that brought this change, but I want it to fuck off. I miss getting high and loving it. I can't even smoke with friends anymore because I just get quiet and weird.
I've been considering taking LSD as a means of getting things squared away in my psyche because I hear it can do just that, but I really don't know anymore. If I'm not stable enough to smoke weed how will I handle acid?
I want all of this to go away. I've taken steps while sober to regain my self worth and it's been working out alright, like I'm fine when I don't smoke and I'm even fine if I drink..it's only weed that gets me. When I smoke I'll try and ignore the hateful thinking and focus on whatever I'm doing but god it's hard. Small steps trying to improve my high...just isn't working. I've even decided to only smoke alone until I figure this out..but nothing helps.
Comments
This actually does work sometimes, rarely though. If I don't maintain some kind of control...things just get crazy and a lot of the time what's going through my head really freaks me out or when it's self analysis I'll make myself feel really, really, really, really bad.
There are two kinds of people who smoke weed, those who are born for it, and those who indulge in it. For people who are born for weed, smoking weed just makes them more themselves, they thrive in a weed rich environment, most hold good jobs, weed is a medication they have found that keeps them happy and stable.
People who use weed less often, but still regularly, will at some point, experience "the fear", if they use too much. The fear, is a moment of unwanted introspection, a litany of self criticizing voices, a perspective on your life that makes it seem flawed and unreal. It is almost as though you are seeing your life through the eyes of a critic, and not a nice one.
Past failures present themselves in a parade of ego bashing mental dioramas as you sit sipping a beer and trying to make conversation. SMACK, that time you got up on stage and forgot your lines, BASH, that dumb remark you made at the staff meeting that you thought would be funny, POW, the time you thought you could be more than friends with that girl.
I really don't know why weed does this to me, you, and prolly a million or so other people. But it is not you, it is the weed. And all you need to do to stop it is limit your dose to a toke or two. Seriously, I stopped toking more than a couple of tokes at a time 15 years ago. One toke joke, get used to it, good friends will be fine when you wave it off, fuck the rest.
I made some brownies a while back, with some good siftings that were too coarse to go through a screen, and the dose was way too large. DMT, acid, shrooms, mescaline, crack, meth, and the whole toiletfull of drugs I have done, nothing even comes close to the absolute feeling of despondent futility that came with that headraping high.
C/O
"No, thanks, it reminds me of my mother"
This is what I was going to say.
Lower your does. What kind of tolerence do you have?
My tolerance is decent, I don't smoke often just every now and then.
not only am i critical of myself and think way too much in a negative light...
but I'm critical of others. Not intentionally. It's just that in the mindset, I could be hanging out with my favorite person and the things they say/do - I'll laugh at, but inside i'm thinkin'.... "They're...kinda weird."
Other times I think I'm not even good enough to be hanging around them. I miss old highs too.
Straight edge is faggotry announced.
I resigned it last night.
Exactly. I've been considering psychiatric help..just to see if there is something wrong with me. Seems a little overboard though.
I wish I could do that....I mean, I could, I just won't because I'm a pussy. The friends I'm smoking with tonight aren't exactly like best friends or anything, just some "regular" friends.
I'll be taking my laptop with me so at least I can hide behind that.
How long until you go? My computer says that you posted that last post at 3am :facepalm: Anyways, have a good time. I'm sure you'll enjoy it.
We ended up not smoking. I fucking got there and one person left, and my other friend went to sleep :facepalm: it was quite lame.
Don't do that.
If things got weird I would have, it all depends on the situation. Too bad we didn't smoke though. I'm sure I'll have an opportunity to see how I do soon.
I ended up just not smoking weed because every time I did it, I'd freak out for no reason and feel like I was tripping almost. Sucky shit. However, I do quite alright after taking hallucinogens, which absolutely mystifies me...
Although, the last time I did molly it made me pretty melancholy too. I may just be fucked in the head.
I took a good 2-3 month break over the summer, and this didn't start happening until after that. Then again some other events unfolded around that time period that could have brought this on.