Bondage, dominance, sadism and masochism. Once the other words associated with private activities become boring, these still keep their air of mystery. These practices have been around for thousands of years, and are still considered taboo. Taboo is good, taboo is exciting, and when you recline on your couch tired and jaded, perhaps you might like to consider a little fun on the darkside.
First a few general myths need to be dealt with;
BDSM is not always sexual, it makes for a great bit of foreplay, but need not be an experience that ends in orgasm. BDSM is an end unto itself, for those who practice it, it fulfills a desire they cannot indulge in any other way.
BDSM is a mentally and physically satisfying way of exercising aspects of our personalities we may find are not satisfied by simple sex and relationships. It is not "dirty" or "perverted", unless thinking of it that way turns you on of course. Many people I have met in the BDSM community have a much higher level of social function and general mental health because the needs they have are being satisfied in a structured way.
So, if you have a willing partner, and are up for some fun, continue reading. I am sure everyone has heard of a "safe word", this is a word that once spoken by either party involved brings the proceedings to an abrupt halt. Safe words need ultimate respect, the cessation of activity and role play should be immediate.
Dominance and submission;I am starting with this because Dom/Sub play tends to be the jumping off point for Bondage and S&M. Tying someone up is a Dominating act, agreeing to be spanked is a Submissive act.
This aspect is largely about role playing, to get started, decide which one of you wants to be the Dom and who wants to be the Sub. If nothing really seems to come of a short conversation, flip a coin. Then decide on some ground rules, how far do you want it to go?, is there anything that is off limits?, that kind of thing.
Being a good Dom is difficult, simply barking orders and being a dick is not good enough. In what way does your partner want to be dominated? Do they want you to be angry and forceful, or sly and manipulative? Agreeing to a scenario beforehand can be useful, more about that later. Given that the Submissive is entirely under your control, you have a responsibility to make the experience as good for them as you can make it, in fact your entire responsibility as a Dom is to satisfy your Sub. The exact opposite of what it would seem on the surface.
Being Submissive, means you submit totally to the wishes of the person dominating you, the word "no" does not exist for you, you are voluntarily submitting to this person. Aside from things prohibited by previous agreement you should do what you are told, and if the actions of your Dom are not satisfactory, say the safe word, pull the plug, and discuss what went wrong.
Scenarios are useful because they lend structure to the interplay between Dom and Sub. Here is a good scenario for beginners, the roles are obvious and have a lot of background to play on.
The Prisoner; In this role play one person plays the part of a prison warden, the other the prisoner. This one is good for couples because it usually ends in a mock rape. You might want a little rope on hand to tie your prisoner up, and a blindfold is useful as well. The Dom should take a tactic like getting the prisoner to submit to their wishes in order to get special favors, or interrogating them "Guantanamo Bay" style. How you play a scenario is up to you, be creative.
Or you might want something a little more low key, like a student caught cheating on an exam that now has to submit to the professor to avoid being expelled. One too many overdue library books?, ooohhh, we better go back in the office and sort this out. You get the picture, the scenario should give a good reason for why one person is at the mercy of the other.
Bondage; A little tie me up tie me down is fun even if you don't associate it with a more detailed Dom/Sub fantasy. Bondage is about limiting a persons actions, a blindfold is a form of bondage, so is a gag. Being tied up and blindfolded while your partner does various things to you is an amazing experience, the lack of control and visual input makes each physical sensation stand out, be it a whip or a feather.
Ground rules are important here too, and if you use a gag, make your safe word one that can be easily interpreted through one. Make sure whatever you are using to tie up your partner is not abrasive(bondage rope or silk scarf=:thumbsup:, yellow cord or garden twine=:thumbsdown:, unless you dig that) Again it is the responsibility of the Dominating party to guide the session and make it pleasurable to the Submissive.
Bondage also plays well into rape fantasy play, not for everyone, but none of this shit is for the average consumer anyway.
Sadism and Masochism; A sadist likes to inflict pain, a masochist likes to be hurt. To start, how about a little spanking? Just bend your partner over and deliver a few good whacks to the ass. Maybe a dozen, accompanied by some naughty talk. Now let them do it to you. A little pain makes the heart race, and the blood vessels dialate. Good fun indeed. Now which did you like better, giving or recieving?
The reaction to the autonomic and parasympathetic nervous system to pain is impressive. With even the slightest bit of non damaging physical pain, our blood chemistry changes, and both norepinephrin and dopamine are secreted. Constant physical pain, like the kind caused by being thwacked with a riding crop, can cause a state of mental arousal and a high similar to good drugs. I would recommend a couple of toys, as home made substitutes like garden hose are unaesthetic and possibly damaging. Find a good flogger, mine is made from soft leather and can be mildly painful, or suitable for torture if used with bad intent and a flick of the wrist. I also have what I call the tenderizer, a wicked looking spiky thing that feels sooooooooo good on the back.
aww hell, heres a pic
both of these are suitable for beginners.
As you can see, the various aspects of BDSM play off each other, role play, bondage and pain are tools you can use to add variety to sex play, or exercise parts of your personality that you might not otherwise be able to, in a safe and pleasurable manner. I hope anyone reading this that has considered this type of thing before, but been unwilling to try it because they thought they would be crossing a line somehow, will look at BDSM in a different way, and try it once for kicks at least.
"On your fucking knees bitch"