Another First — Totseans

Another First

Darth BeaverDarth Beaver Meine Ehre heißt Treue
edited December 2012 in Life
No big deal on the surface, but under the current it was climate changing. I have told you guys about Skipper's Smokehouse before. Well every Thursday a band called Uncle John's Band (a Grateful Dead cover band) plays and it is only $7.00 at the door. I've had an interest in seeing them for sometime now but can never get anyone to go. In the past I would never just go out by myself without a wingman or a date. So tonight I asked a few friends and no takers as usual i=on a Thursday night. SO ia said fuck it. This is the new me and went. Brothers, I found my new best friend tonight, me. I had the best time with me tonight that I have had with anyone in years. I danced with myself, laughed with myself, and smiled all night long. IN the process of having all that fun others around me got caught up in it and just started coming up and talking to me out of the blue. Girls, guys, couples, even the female guest singer came up to me after her set and said, I'm not sure who had more fun with that, me or you".

If this karmic acceleration doesn't find a slow burn soon I may just have to replace Christianity with The Last Church of Beave.

Comments

  • bornkillerbornkiller Administrator In your girlfriends snatch
    edited December 2012
    When there's no-one else in sight
    In the crowded lonely night
    Well I wait so long
    For my love vibration
    And I'm dancing with myself

    Oh dancing with myself
    Oh dancing with myself
    Well there's nothing to lose
    And there's nothing to prove
    I'll be dancing with myself

    You shoul'a taken that chick you met bro...
  • Darth BeaverDarth Beaver Meine Ehre heißt Treue
    edited December 2012
    She is a busy self made lady. Plus her Mom just flew into town yesterday so yeah, that wasn't gonna happen. But I did get to meet her Mom today. I suppose that is progress....
  • ThirdRockFromTheSunThirdRockFromTheSun <b style="color:blue;">Third<em style="color:pink;">Cock</em>FromThe<em style="color:brown;">Bum</em
    edited December 2012
    I'm glad you've found the importance in yourself. A lot of people think of themselves as bad company, but when people get off their asses and pull themselves away from the television/internet and take themselves out they can realise how much company one can give themselves.
  • bornkillerbornkiller Administrator In your girlfriends snatch
    edited December 2012
    She is a busy self made lady. Plus her Mom just flew into town yesterday so yeah, that wasn't gonna happen. But I did get to meet her Mom today. I suppose that is progress....
    You met one of the fockers. That's more than just progress dude. :thumbsup:
  • forgotmypasswordforgotmypassword Semo-Regulars
    edited December 2012
    I think instead of a mid life crisis you are having a mid life process that's giving you a better perspective.
    Either way I'm happy for you.
  • GoingNowhereGoingNowhere Global Moderator
    edited December 2012
    That is the secret that I've never told anyone and the key to my happiness. I love my own company. The word loneliness has an incredibly bad reputation and negative connotations to it. I do have friends, and believe me I have more amazing friends than anybody that I have met and more than I can wish for. However, I have also learnt to appreciate my own company and people wonder why I know more about myself and the world than they do. It gives you a beautiful opportunity for introspection and thought that usually if you have people around you then you are distracted from. Maybe that's why people don't like to be by themselves, because they dislike being forced to think and evaluate themselves and their life. All I know, is that although I have spent time by myself I am never lonely as I have learned to appreciate both aspects of life: Being by yourself, and being with other people.
  • Darth BeaverDarth Beaver Meine Ehre heißt Treue
    edited December 2012
    That is how I came to know myself. I was forced to face myself for 18 long months. I was stuck in a dark hole with nothing but my memories, memories I would not wish on any man. I sought to mount that fear ride it like a horse of war. I used to try and gain what I thought would be strength over others. I learned to call that fear at will and thought it to be my servant. In the end it almost served me, for lunch. At last I let the fear pass through me and almost died again. And just like the Bene Gesserit litany against fear states;
    I must not fear.
    Fear is the mind-killer.
    Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
    I will face my fear.
    I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
    And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
    Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
    Only I will remain.

    When I was shoved to the very pit of personal hell and felt as though I had nothing to lose and nothing to give I turned and saw only myself. At that point my transformation took place. I feel like a Sith Acolyte who found the light of the Jedi. The same strength, speed, and awareness that I used to call from fear I now can call from perfect love and perfect trust. You see boys, it all really does come from the same source just like the Force. But that source is not outside of us or even inside of us, it is us. Once I learned that I came to love myself as a Christian loves Jesus.

    In fact I had another great night tonight. I went back to Skippers Smokehouse tonight after helping Susan with a small problem. Now those of you with access to M&A know all about her. And I still think she is the bee's knees and would do most anything to help her. If things progress and we get closer that would be wonderful. But I have value also. So I went out by myself again tonight. I met several really cool, intelligent and charming people, most of whom approached me.

    There was one exception. I was at the bar getting some hot spiced rum and a gorgeous redhead about my age with green eyes and freckles was walking up to get served at the same time. Even though I was there slightly first I bowed slightly, tipped my hat, and said, "After you..." She thanked me, stepped up, and placed her order. Her purse was back at the table with her friends and she was $.25 short for her drink. She told the bartender she need to go get a quarter and would be right back. Well shit, it was just a quarter so I tossed it on the bar and told her I got you don't worry. She asked if I was sure and looked into my eyes with her bright green orbs. I melted a bit as I smiled warmly and told her that the warmth in her eyes made that the best 25 cents I had spent all year. We spent the rest of the night talking, laughing, dancing, hugging and just standing side by side arm in arm swaying to the beat.

    She is a school teacher. Another intelligent pagan woman that I know in my heart of hearts would never have had any interest in the man I was. I walked her to her car, exchanged phone numbers with a promise to call her tomorrow, and a long slow sensual embrace with slow soft kisses by the car. The point is if I didn't love myself as I now do niether of these fascinating vibrant woman would have given me the time of day.

    Now guys, I have never considerd myself a player. That is not to say I ever had any trouble hooking up. But I never have been one to use come on lines or just go out to get laid. Even as a young man there had to be a connection of some significance to stir my loins. So I really don't have any game with women other than sincerity. That was so all my life and doubly so now. I have had more women smile and say hi to me in the last 12 days that I have in the last ten years. Hell, even tonight while I was speaking with Anne another woman, complete stranger, walk past me, smiled warmly, and said, "Hi, how are you", in a soft husky tone. I left my lights on in the car and they announced on stage. As I went out to turn of my lights I had a grin on my mug, a song in my heart, and bounce in my step. I passed a young pretty thing half my age. Out of the blue she smiled and asked me how I was. I replied. "If I was doing any better I'm afraid the might toss me off the planet. How are you?" She replied, "I'm allright" I smiled and replied, "Honey, take a look in the mirror, I think you're doing better than allright". She giggled and said, "How sweet, thank you".

    If I could bottle this thing I have found inside myself I would give the whole world a sip.
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